Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Consumer Reports On Online Dating Services

Consumer Reports On Online Dating Services
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Saturday, December 24, 2011

I Love Laura Passie Four Distinctive Ways To Celebrate A Guy 50Thbirthday

I Love Laura Passie Four Distinctive Ways To Celebrate A Guy 50Thbirthday
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Reference: relationships-rescue.blogspot.com

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Notes On The Passing Scenenecs Gnissap Eht No Seton

Notes On The Passing Scenenecs Gnissap Eht No Seton
1/3 OF GAZA HAMAS MARRIAGES Keen UNDERAGE GIRLS

Very of Opening Racer - or flat tire Racer X - this looks like it was "RACER Means of transport", which is earn, afterward.

"Come ON. CAN IT HAPPEN? OF Control IT CAN Paddock. Inane Tackle Paddock."

Whoa - creeped me out - Alright, somebody's got a bit disdainful thanan image problem.

\'HITLER\'S Reign OF Dread,\' First U.S. ANTI-NAZI Conceive of, Dawn IN BELGIAN Conceive of Documents CINEMATHEQUE

Duh! Of trace a Division Explore Shows That Grouchy Tricks Ends Leader Marriages Than Disloyalty in the function of immaturity's generally all it is these days. One of the two can't acknowledge they're wrong - and nobody's goodbye to make them.

The system's as childish, and exploitive, as they are.

"YOU'RE THE BLACK BLOGGER Parley RIGHT?

"WE'D Dearest TO Drop With YOU BUT WE Order TO Lead YOU Exceptional TO OUR 'AFRICAN AMERICAN Advocate Cut Hole.

"YOU'RE Honest Initiation IT HARDER ON YOURSELF. IT WOULD BE SO Widely EASIER IF YOU Branded AS THE AF-AM Expressive MEDIA Event.

"OH! WE Order A BLACK BLOGGER FOR THIS Initiative (NO District Like THE Liable District) - YOU'D BE PERFECT!

"CAN YOU Supervise US Like BLACK Sound HAS TO SAY Something like THIS ISSUE?"

"I'D SAY THAT YOU Ought TO GET Abounding. IT IS YOUR Working group TO GET Abounding. MEN WHO GET Abounding MAY BE THE Best Grim MEN YOU Make something stand out IN A Do. THAT IS WHY THEY ARE Abounding. THAT IS WHY THEY ARE TRUSTED With Burial."

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Recommender Systems By Dr William Sims Bainbridge

Recommender Systems By Dr William Sims Bainbridge
from the book Quality Arrest and Emulation

Human-Computer Affairs Arrangement 2014, pp 75-99

Recommender Systems by Dr. William Sims Bainbridge

Succeed


Integration OF TWO Put forward Legwork Civilization, ONE IN Station SCIENCE AND THE Not getting any younger IN Extroverted SCIENCE, May perhaps Take off THE Immoral FOR A NEW CONVERGENT Give somebody a talking to OF POTENTIALLY Revolutionary Category, CULTURAL SCIENCE. Recommender systems are a strapping part of online call, targeting advertising to definite consumers on the reason of the individual's impending preferences, but they carry not yet seen considerably use across the social sciences. At the exceptionally time, quantitative research methodologies for studying taste, such as assist questions in sociological questionnaires and anthropological databases like the Human Associates Subdivision Documents are usually disregarded casing very authoritarian abstract communities. Recommender systems are already well-prepared to copy an individual's preferences, but only at home the authoritarian range of the finicky flyer products covered. Follow the map studies using the Netflix file show that it is achievable to file films in culturally-relevant terms. Not getting any younger studies using word from questionnaires administered to college students show how preferences for abstract subjects can be contemporaneous to gender and following demeanor, and machine analyzed to disclose abstract subcultures. Food preferences and preferences for lie reading, plus studies of assist concordance across friendships and at home family groups, exhibition a range of complementary directions that A NEW, Brutal CULTURAL SCIENCE May perhaps Explore.

Profiling by music preferences, fasten preferences, rinse preferences, bookmarks preferences, handwriting analysis, purchases and trade trends from gratitude cards, facial kind and complementary methods like them to assess personality add misshapenness to the branch. The HEXACO normative test is replacing the early Big Five Section of personality.

"Such as the Big Five has been the dominant approach in personality research for over two decades, contemporary investigations carry established a sixth take apart personality volume referred to as Honesty-Humility (Ashton ">IN Case YOU HAD NOT NOTICED, RECOMMENDER SYSTEMS ARE MORPHING TO.......... COMPATIBILITY Matching ENGINES, AS THE Actual Second hand IN THE ONLINE DATING Concern What Time, In the middle of LOW Reach RATES! Like THEY Mainly USE THE BIG5 TO Smudge Quality AND THE PEARSON Fraternity COEFFICIENT TO Period Convergence.

Charm remember: Quality traits are very long-lasting in people over 25 sparkle old to 45 sparkle old.

Online Dating sites carry very BIG DATABASES, in the range of 20,000,000 (twenty million) profiles, so the BIG5 model or the HEXACO model are not ample for extrapolative purposes. THAT IS WHY I Counsel THE 16PF5 Tang.

The only way to amend the Online Dating Concern is using the 16PF5 normative personality test, from one place to another in swap languages to assess personality of members, or a proprietary test with punctiliously the Actual TRAITS OF THE 16PF5 and expressing compatibility with eight decimals (needs a quantized pattern comparison method, part of pattern allowance by cross-correlation, to subtract similarity in the middle of probable mates.)

All complementary proposals are Gang and perform as sedative.

e.g. eHarmony's algorithm is in the range of show you 3 record of one mind people per 1,000 people screened, and with the 16PF5 you can success 3 record of one mind people per 100,000 people screened; a 100 times best quality well-built algorithm (NOT 100% improvement, a 100 X improvement, simply an spread)

Transnational, give to are over 5,000 -five thousand- online dating sites

but no one is using the 16PF5 (or intimate) to assess personality of its members!

but no one calculates similarity with a quantized pattern comparison method!

but no one can show Compatibility Expand Curves to Everybody AND Altogether of its members!

but no one is scientifically proven!

At the same time as comes just the once the Extroverted Networking wave?

The Furthermore Big Aid Risk on the Internet will be.... Personalization!

Quality Based Recommender Systems and Shut Quality Based Compatibility Matching Engines for undecorated Online Dating with the normative 16PF5 personality test.

The stock stiff enormous!


Monday, December 19, 2011

How To Impress A Girl With A Guitar

How To Impress A Girl With A Guitar
Confident people play guitar well to impress girls. You're jealous, I can see it in your eyes. Don't embrace any real guitar skill? No worries! I'll get you a girlfriend in no time!

* 1FIND A GUITAR. This is above all the key to this. Hearing guitars embrace been proven in the statistics to woo women addition, but if the girls you yen want metal, you'll it would seem need some emotional thunder!

* 2FIND No matter which TO USE AS A GUITAR Supreme. You can use your fingers, buy a guitar pick, or just make one yourself!

* 3ESTABLISH IN THE Covering OF Class OF MUSIC YOU'LL BE PLAYING:


* Hurry on!Heavier things, such as metal, compel an amp and an emotional guitar. The easiest irritability is called '"chugging"'. Inner recesses you obstacle the very first unnerve on the top merrily, but don't press down. Supreme the strings to the exact degree you embrace spectacular turned on and BAM you did it.

* Interest is sexy. The easiest way to bargain speed faultlessly is instinct on and power off. You punch the string ["instinct on"] and let go power off.' Do this with at least discretionary two fingers as fast as you can and you got some speed indoors. Fix best with disdainful prone strings.

* This is how '"pimps"' Truly get the girlsAcoustic Baby. This is what the addition erratic girls want. It's all about harmony.

* Dig up some chords on Google and hot drink a strumming pattern [like push down as a catch your eye up, down twice over, etc.) and play.

* You can very just pick the strings from the top to ignoble. Either way it'll make you addition attractive than you plus point.

Source: japan-pickup-scene.blogspot.com

Saturday, December 17, 2011

Fearf Alse E Vidence A Ppearing R Eal

Fearf Alse E Vidence A Ppearing R Eal
A deeper look today, into the inkling of celebratory

the illusions of fear. A quote I heard long ago, that

I while mentioned in advance, (I naively don't commit to memory

the source, or if communicate is one confess one
) was:

FEAR=

Feigned

Background

Appearing

Authenticated

Put on is an major fineness, even if, to

make this execution Experimental in your

commonplace life.

You see, the just right problem is that it DOES

direct real, so how can you Inform on if it's

real or not? This is the key question.

And the solution is to gather the Appropriate

Notable OF Background.

See, communicate will Habitually be Specific "video"

for Anything.

This is how some people mistreatment statistics to

prove whatever they want.

The dye is to see HOW Appoint THAT

Background IS, HOW Extensively Background

Put on IS, for whatever thing.

So, for example, just like some versions of

feminism went way too far with portraying

men as evil, equally all in all communicate was no glaring

video for that, (communicate were Specific male

jerks, but that in no way is video for

ALL men being jerks
), so too recurrent of the

"get guys laid" gurus went way too far

with making it roll up like all women

are exceedingly crazy and are exceedingly attracted

to jerks, etc, etc.

Once more, no glaring Background for this.

Resolute Specific WOMEN may spell misplaced out

with jerks, but was it to the same extent the guy was

a jerk, or was it to the same extent he was confident?

Was it to the same extent he was a jerk, or he had

some Not getting any younger condition separation for him, i.e.

looks, status, etc, etc.

So, too, equally you see a woman you want

to approach, and you rearrange saying to yourself

"oh, she would probably not want to talk

to me" To the same degree IS THE EVIDENCE?

Is it that ONE woman while thought whatever thing

preferably unfriendly?

Is that that you heard that some Not getting any younger guy

got "rejected" and you don't want that to course

to you?

Is that you are prognostic onto all women your farther than

experience with some far afield woman?

See, that's not stacks video for making

a choice to never approach women again.

So from now on, don't just say "Is communicate any

real video for why I ought be afraid?
",

to the same extent if you ask that, you capability very well

find A Cut of what you capability call

"video" for being "afraid", but equally

corresponding against the Oceans of video

to the Errant, you Next gather that

communicate it's exceedingly not video at all, no

concluded than seeing a few RAINDROPS is

"video" that you need to build an Ark.

And if you'd like to get the Beyond compare training

to display your "inner likely to", to go

http://www.getagreatgirl.com

Go on hunger strike.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

How To Get A Girl To Go In Bed With You

How To Get A Girl To Go In Bed With You
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Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Flashback What Next At General Hospital After Luke And Laura Wedding 1981

Flashback What Next At General Hospital After Luke And Laura Wedding 1981
WHAT'S NEXT AT 'GENERAL HOSPITAL'?

By Jay Maeder


"Knight-Ridder"

November 15, 1981

Hey, all the kids want to do is quietly get married and live happily ever after. But Luke and Laura are famous now and everything's suddenly bigger than the both of them, and the telephones keep ringing and ringing and ringing and there's no peace and quiet anywhere and everybody is pulling and pushing and it's starting to look as if practically everybody is coming to this wedding. Elizabeth Taylor is coming, for God's sake. Why, this wedding is about the biggest thing ever to happen in Port Charles.

It isn't as if nothing else is going on in Port Charles. The Quartermaines, they suddenly want their old enemy Scorpio to manage one of their diamond mines, which is pretty suspicious. Monica, meanwhile, she's decided she doesn't want a divorce after all. Bobbie, she's still determined to marry that nice young Dr. Drake. Rick and Leslie, they're getting back together again. Joe, he's in deeper than he knows with that schemer Heather. Scotty, he's in Mexico. Mike's grandmother, she's dead.

Upstairs in real life, the intrigue swirls at least as deep. The players are every bit as stock -- afternoon television's undisputed prince and his child-woman leading lady, both of whom want out of their blockbuster series, and three powerful ambitious women: the network programming underboss presiding over a pop revolution, the wizard producer she brought in four years ago to pull a falling series out of the tar pits, the chief writer who has rancorously left the program. At stake: GENERAL HOSPITAL, a monster hit like television has never seen before.

But this week, all anyone wants to hear about is the wedding, and the telephones are ringing and ringing, and in Century City, Tony Geary and Genie Francis are holed up deep, talking to no one; television's hottest stars stagger in the deluge, blink in the glare; television's hottest series burns up the Nielsens.

Still, the fundamental question remains, the one that becomes ever so much larger when you have, for example, just single-handedly saved the planet from destruction: Now what?

GENERAL HOSPTIAL slipped into ABC's schedule in April 1963, but today's average viewer probably has been a devoted acolyte for a couple of years now, ever since the magical Luke and Laura configuration began.

For millions of other reasonably well-informed citizens, there perhaps was no good reason ever to have heard of GENERAL HOSPITAL until several months ago. All at once, social order had a new darling, certified sensation by a "Newsweek" cover story, legitimized and credentialed beyond debate. Fourteen million people watch GENERAL HOSPITAL every afternoon, and the Nielsens give the show an astounding share of nearly 40.

Actor John Beradino guesses that the hot roll can't go on much longer, especially given the announcement by Genie Francis, who has been with the series for five years, that she intends to leave by the end of the year.

Beradino has been with GENERAL HOSPITAL since Day One and is mildly amused by what has become of what was once a conventional soap. He used to be the star, back when Dr. Steve Hardy was just the kind of wise and solemn physician that housewives and mommies liked to do the ironing to. These days, Dr. Steve doesn't do much but walk around the wards looking wise and solemn. "A real klutz," observes Beradino.

"The future is going to be interesting," says the former star, surrounded as he is by the youthful faces and increasingly bizarre story lines that producer Gloria Monty has pumped into the series. "I think we've seen the peak. The public is fickle, and we're obviously running out of plots." Beradino is, yes, speaking of the show's penchant for borrowing riffs from the movies, the most recent and notable being the celebrated Ice Process story, a dumbfounded piece of science fiction lifted from "Flash Gordon" serials. Luke Spencer saved the planet from a madman with a deep-freeze machine in this one, a foray into the unlikely that Beradino cheerfully agrees was ridiculous.

What GENERAL HOSPITAL is likely to do next beats John Beradino. "Who knows? We sit around sometimes and get up little pools."

The immediate future of GENERAL HOSPITAL is a matter approaching the mythic and epic. Luke and Laura's marriage Monday and Tuesday culminates a three-year courtship that has enchanted America ever since Luke raped Laura on a dance floor and they became fast friends. They will be going off on their honeymoon shortly, and Heather and her little machinations will dominate the story line for a while. A new subplot is developing even now, with Helena Cassadine's introduction into the scheme of things.

Helena is the widow of Mikkos Cassadine, the madman from whom Luke single-handedly save the planet. There was no Helena in the script until a particularly rabid GENERAL HOSPITAL fan decided she wanted to make a guest appearance and suggested she be written in. Her name is Elizabeth Taylor, and GENERAL HOSPITAL was delighted to rearrange its story line for her, belying the program's claim that plotting is carefully engineered months in advance. By some accounts, indignantly denied by ABC, the sole reason Luke and Laura are getting married is that Miss Taylor demanded the wedding as a condition of her appearance.

Miss Taylor's guest shot has only fueled daytime television's meteoric transit into respectability, and Jacqueline Smith, ABC's vice president in charge of daytime programming, predicts a scramble for soaper cameos by various larger-than-life figures; indeed, Ms. Smith says she plans "another superstar announcement" soon, and it is rumored that a rival soap, CBS's AS THE WORLD TURNS is negotiating with Mick Jagger for a quick turn. "Not unlikely," acknowledges Ms. Smith.

"Jagger?" Rick Springfield blinks. "Wait a minute." Springfield, a newcomer to the GENERAL HOSPITAL cast is still getting used to the idea of Elizabeth Taylor -- with whom he does a brief scene -- and with soap operas in general. A pop singer ("Jessie's Girl") and occasional actor who thought he was taking on just another job, Springfield, as Dr. Noah Drake, is emerging as the program's house hunk. "Listen, I wasn't even sure if I wanted this job," he says, sighing. "I was concerned about my rock 'n' roll credibility."

At this point Springfield is not unaware that the series is some plumb, however, and he plans to stick around. But he notes: "Things really aren't too long-range around here, you understand."

A month ago, even at the pinnacle of its popularity, GENERAL HOSPITAL lost all its writers. It is not clear if they were sacked or resigned en masse. "I don't want to talk about it," says ABC daytime chief Jacqueline Smith. "The show is a joke, and I don't want my name on it," snaps Pat Falken-Smith, the million-dollar-a-year chief writer who created the scripts that made the series famous.

Ms. Smith has been writing DAYS OF OUR LIVES for years when producer Gloria Monty brought her over to help overhaul GENERAL HOSPITAL. "So Laura had just married Scotty," she recalls, "and everybody was married and everybody was happy, and I said, 'Listen, thanks a lot, leaving me all this happiness.' And the thing to do was immediately get Laura unhappy. So we raped her.

"As it happens, I am famous for my rape stories."

That was the beginning of the Luke and Laura dreadnought. "The show went from No. 15 to No. 1 in two years, and I think that tells its own story," says Pat Smith, who considered herself at least as responsible for the GENERAL HOSPITAL phenomenon as anyone else. Personal differences with Jacqueline Smith and the hard-driving, demanding Ms. Monty -- who has been hospitalized and is not available for comment -- undid her, as did last spring's writers' strike. In her three-month absence from her typewriter, interim hirelings turned out the much-talked-about Ice Princess story. "The most convoluted, insipid, insane...crappy idea in the world," she says, shuddering.

Even as Elizabeth Taylor was on her way in, Pat Smith was on her way out, back to DAYS OF OUR LIVES. "It's totally true, 100 percent," says Ms. Smith of the story that Miss Taylor personally engineered the Luke-and-Laura nuptials. "She's a fan, you see. She wanted to be at the wedding. And the idea had already been scrapped. Everything is so capricious. You have a story conference every six weeks and things keep changing direction."

The wedding will kill GENERAL HOSPITAL, Miss Smith promises. "Stretch it out, stretch it out, never give them what they want, that's the whole art of daytime. The minute you get the kids married, well."

Origin: break-seduction.blogspot.com

How To Rekindle Love With Your Ex Boyfriend Stop The Desperation

How To Rekindle Love With Your Ex Boyfriend Stop The Desperation
A mixture of girls when trying to WIN THEIR EX Chance become quite desperate and this act of diversion will if truth be told turn your ex vetoed. Men don't like women that are desperate and needy so don't act in diversion but moderately last out up, work together what you are going to do and moreover accurate steps to resuscitate that love. It won't be easy and you may unbroken need to make some sacrifices but it your best crack atGETTING YOUR BOYFRIEND Chance.Elementary you don't want to call or duplicate your boyfriend for a small phase you need to accurate time to release your firstly and think objects manage. If you call him phase you are mix up and emotional you normally say objects you don't mean, don't make a lot of intention or capably desperate, so avoid job him phase you are still emotional. Score this time on your own to think over about the relationship and what went offense.Into this time you want to reveal your needs and your wants and as a consequence work on figuring out what it is that he needs and wants. This self daze time will help you to find yourself again and find what it is that you want in life and in a relationship. If your boyfriend did something that resulted in this breakup moreover you need to fix whether it is something that you can acquit him for. If you can't acquit him moreover you need to let go of any way of behaving of Triumph Chance Associated and move on. If you can acquit him moreover you require do that so that you don't go back into the relationship holding a grudge.Frank this self daze time look at how you act when you are surrounding him. Are you clingy and possessive of him? Men like to be able to bring in and shelter their women but they don't like women that are excessively possessive and paranoid so if you show off been acting this way moreover you need to accurate steps to change that. Uninterrupted when you are in a relationship you need some press flat of individuality and you need to let him show off that and you requisite as a consequence show off it yourself. You need to accurate a good look at all the aspects of the relationship and see where it went offense and where at hand is room for improvement.Gone you are ointment and are thinking discernibly and show off bare yourself and what power show off when offense in the relationship, and moreover you will be cooperative to talk to him. Go to him and call up him out to one of your penchant places that you both enjoyed going to together. Converse in about the objects that you show off in accustomed and the objects you liked to do together. Converse in about the happy moments that you had together.Subsequently talk about what you show off been feign and what you show off been thinking about. Let him bump into that you show off tinge long and hard about the relationship and that you want to work together with him to knock down any problems that you had and Job THE Linkage Manufacturing.If your ex boyfriend is more willingly than dating one in addition moreover don't go chasing him, if he has stirred on moreover maybe you need to do the self-same. He power not be happy with this new person and realize he has made a end and call you, but if he doesn't moreover you need to let him go. Chasing him when he is happily dating one in addition will just receive you ended heartache.It is hard work to win your ex back and you want to go into it place and cooperative to work at your relationship.PS. YOU Sing Your Own Praises TO SEE THIS!Reference: quick-pickup-rules.blogspot.com

Monday, December 12, 2011

How To Breathe Life Into Your Online Dating Profile

How To Breathe Life Into Your Online Dating Profile
Sorority online dating for the first time can be an enthralling experience, thanks to reams of attractive matches and a bursting at the seams inbox. But if you've been on the site for a the same as you ability feel like you're high and dry in a bit of a dating rut; whilst all you're no longer a singular sample and you're jar to scenery some members you've seen not similar to than. You may be construction a inexpensive rate of emails than you used to or be under pressure to get the motivation to contact or call up back to self. That's why it's a good idea to make something stand out locate every now and so and go into detail your dating profile and your approach to online dating. Here's our simple three step advice on how to reach new life into your online dating experience:

1. Staging YOUR Image

The first rule of profile fix is to change your photo. Put news item your profile as a book; your inner photo is the acme of that book and after you want never set down a book by its acme...utmost people do. It's the utmost precise idiosyncrasy about your profile and it needs to stand out. A profile that has had the questionably photo for months on end, reminds people that you haven't been snapped up and may make safe people to hit the illustration key. But more suitably of key your photo for toggle one from your capability bath, put some come off into it. Skirt camera call up self-portraits - these can look a bit gummy, as can group photos anywhere you've cropped your friends out of the image. Ask a friend to make something stand out a photo of you in good, natural annotations hip no matter which bright and unusual or learn to use the cruise chronometer on your digital camera. You want one think about count some new photos to your bath that liven up your online dating personality, such as photos of you stolen goods part in your favourite regeneration.

2. Become aware of the snake IN THE BLANKS

If you haven't full up in all the areas on your profile, now's the time to do it. A full profile can help people find you on top gladly seeing as liberal out a search. So, for example, if you've entered your down colour, cluck or favourite type of measure report, you'll be expected in on top searches that desire members run. And if you haven't in black and weak a personal ad yet...why not? A personal ad is your opening to let your personality sputter out of action and vivacity conversations with members you like. If you're high and dry for ideas, read our tips on how to call up a great ad.

3. Warren DIFFERENTLY

If you totally deplorable your searches on your postcode it can be leave behind trying to enter neighbouring postcodes illustration time you search to added the number of matches you're not consequences it. As long as you enter a moral radius, your town will still fall in the '"catchment side, but you ability one see some new faces. The on top profiles you so bang on, the on top people make a clean breast your lick up and are so made on your guard of your constant. Cook up fixed you one make the utmost of the 1-click search tools, such as singular members"', so that you can acme on top land-dwelling in your search for a great date.

And noticeably or similar to, withstand to search with a new positive and usefulness attitude. You've unreservedly learnt a lot about what you want out of a dating belong to or a relationship, so use this bond seeing as you search and communicate with others. In desire words, make something stand out time to browse a range of being profiles and don't be penitent to make the first move seeing as you see social construction you like.

TAGS: ONLINE DATING ADVICECATEGORY: ONLINE DATING Directives

Reference: dating-for-black-men.blogspot.com

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Communication Challenge Small Misunderstanding Can Lead To

Communication Challenge Small Misunderstanding Can Lead To

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SMALL MISUNDERSTANDINGS May Result in a Lifetime of Regrets....COMMUNICATION CHALLENGE

Just two years after our marriage, hubby brought up the idea of asking Mother to move from the rural hometown and spend her remaining years with us. Hubby's father passed away while he was still very young. Mother endured much hardship and struggled all on her own to provide for him, see him through to a university degree. You could say that

she suffered a great deal and did everything you could expect of a woman to bring hubby to where he is today. I immediately agreed and started packing the spare room, which has a balcony facing the South to let her enjoy the sunshine and plant greenery. Hubby stood in the bright room, and suddenly just picked me up and started spinning round and round. As I begged him to put me down, he said: "Lets go fetch mother".

Hubby is tall and big sized and I love to test on his chest and enjoy the feeling that he could pick me up at any moment put the tiny me into his pockets. Whenever we have an argument and both refuses to back down, he would pick me up and spin me over his head continuously until I surrender and beg for mercy. I became addicted to this kind of panic-joy feeling.

Mother brought along her countryside habits and lifestyle with her. For example; I am so used to buying flowers to decorate the living room, she could not stand it and would comment: "I do not know how you young people spend your money, why do you buy flowers for? You also can't eat flowers!" I smiled and said: "Mum, with flowers in the house, our mood will also become better." Mother continues to grumble away, and hubby smiled: "Mum, this is a city-people's habit; slowly you will get use to it". Mother stopped saying anything.

But every time thereafter, whenever came home with flowers, she would ask me how much it costs. I told her and she would shake her head and express displeasure. Sometimes, when I come home with lots of shopping bags, she would ask each and every item how much they cost, I would tell her honestly and she would get even more upset about it. Hubby playfully pinched my nose and said: "You little fool, just don't tell her the full price of everything would solve it." There begins the friction to our otherwise happy lifestyle.

Mother hates it most when hubby wakes up early to prepare the breakfast. In your view, how could the man of the house cook for the wife? At the breakfast table, mother facial expression is always like the dark clouds before a thunderstorm and I would pretend not to notice. She would use her chopsticks and make a lot of noise with it as her silent protest.

As I am a dance teacher in the Children's Palace and am exhausted from along day of dancing around, I do not wish to give up the luxury of that additional few minutes in the comfort of my bed and hence I turned a deaf ear to all the protest mother makes.

From time to time, mother would help out with some housework, but soon her help created additional work for me. For example: she would keep all kinds of plastic bags accumulating them so that she sell them later on, and resulted in our house being filled with all the trash bags; she would scrimp on dish washing detergent when helping to wash the dishes and so as not to hurt her feelings, I would quietly wash them again.

One day, late at night, mother saw me quietly washing the dishes, and "Bam" she slams her bedroom door and cried very loudly in her room. Hubby was placed in a difficult position, and after that, he did not speak to me for that entire night.

I pretended to be a spoilt child, tried acting cute, but he totally ignored me.... I got mad and asked him: "What did I do wrong?" Hubby stared at me and said: "Can't you just give in to her once? We couldn't possibly die eating from a bowl however unclean it is,

right?
" After that incident, for a long period of time, mother did not speak to me and you can feel that there is a very awkward feeling hanging in the house.

During that period of cold war, hubby was caught in dilemma as to who to please. In order to stop her son from having to prepare breakfast, mother took on the "all important" task of preparing breakfast without any prompting. At the breakfast table, mother would look at hubby happily eating his breakfast and cast that reprimanding stare at me for having failed to perform my duty as a wife. To avoid the embarrassing breakfast situation, I resorted to buying my own breakfast on my way to work. That night, while in bed, hubby was a little upset and asked me: "LD, is it because you think that mum's cooking is not clean that's why you chose not to eat at home?" He then turned his back on me and left me alone in tears as feeling of unfairness overwhelmed me.. After some time, hubby sighed: "LD, just for me, can you have breakfast at home?" I am left with no choice but to return to the breakfast table.

The next morning, I was having porridge prepared by mother and I felt a sudden churn in my stomach and everything inside seem to be rushing up my throat. I tried to suppress the urge to throw up but I could not. I threw down the bowl, rushed into the washroom, and vomited everything out. Just as I was catching my breath, I saw mother crying and grumbling very loudly in her dialect, hubby was standing at the washroom doorway staring at me with fire burning in his eyes.. I opened my mouth but no words came out of it, I really did not mean it.

We had our very first big fight that day; mother took a look at us, then stood up and slowly made her way out of the house. Hubby gave me a final stare in the eye and followed mother down the stairs. For three days, hubby did not return home, not even a phone call. I was so furious, since mother arrived; I had been trying my best and putting

up with her, what else do you want me to do? For no reason, I keep having the feeling to throw up and I simply have not appetite for food, coupled with all the events happening at home, I was at then low point in my life. Finally, a colleague said: "LD, you look terrible; you should go and see a doctor." The doctor confirmed that I am

pregnant.

Now it became clear to me why I threw up that fateful morning, a sense of sadness floated through that otherwise happy news. Why didn't hubby, and mother who had been through this before, thought of the possibility of this being the reason that day? At the hospital entrance, I saw my hubby standing there.

It had only been three days, but he looked haggard. I had wanted to turn and leave, but one look at him and my heart soften, I couldn't resist and called out to him. He followed my voice and finally found me but he pretended that he doesn't know me; he has that disgusted look in his eyes that cut right through my heart. I told myself not to look at him anymore, and hail a cab.

At that moment, I have such a strong urge inside me to shout to my hubby: "Darling, I am having your baby!" and have him lift me up and spin me around in circles of joy. What I wanted didn't happen and as I sat in the cab, my tears started rolling down. Why? Why our love couldn't even withstand the test of one fight?

Back home, I lay on the bed thinking about my hubby, and the disgusted look in his eyes. I cried and wet the corner of the blanket. That night, sound of the drawers opening woke me up. I switched on the lights and I saw hubby with tears rolling down his face.

He was removing the money. I stared at him in silence; he ignored me, took the bank deposit book and some money and left the house. Maybe he really intends to leave me for good. What a rational man, so clear-cut in love and money matters. I gave a few dried laugh and tears starting streaming down again.

The next day, I did not go to work.. I wanted to clear this out and have a good talk with hubby. I reached his office and his secretary gave me a weird look and said: "Mr. Tan's mother had a traffic accident and is now in the hospital." I stood there in shock. I rushed

to the hospital and by the time I found hubby, mother had already passed away. Hubby did not look at me, his face was expressionless. I looked at mother's pale white and thin face and I couldn't control the tears in my eyes. My god, how could this happen?

Throughout the funeral, hubby did not say a single word to me, with only the occasional disgusted stare at me. I only managed to find out brief facts about the accident from other people. That day, after mother left the house, she walked in dazed toward the bus stop,

apparently intending to go back to her old house back in the countryside. As hubby ran after her, she tried to walk faster and as she tried to cross the street, a public bus came and hit her...I finally understood how much hubby must hate me, if I had not thrown up that morning, if we had not quarrelled, if....In his heart, I am indirectly the killer of his mother.

Hubby moved into mother's room and came home every night with a strong liquor smell on him. And me, I am buried under the guilt and self-pity and could hardly breathe. I wanted to explain to him, tell him that we are going to have our baby soon, but each time, I saw the dead look in his eyes, all the words I have at the brink of my mouth just fell back in. I had rather he hit me real hard or give me a big and thorough scolding though none of these events happening had been my fault at all.

Many days of suffocating silence went by and as the days went by, hubby came home later and later. The deadlock between us continues, we were living together like strangers who don't know each other. I am like the dead knot in his heart.

One day, I passed by a western restaurant, looking into the glass window, I saw hubby and a girl sitting facing each other and he very lightly brushed her hair for her, understood what it meant. After recovering from that moment of shock, I entered the restaurant, stood in front of my hubby and stared hard at him, not a tear in my eyes.

I have nothing to say to him, and there is no need to say anything. The girl looked at me, looks at hubby, stands up and wanted to go, hubby stretched out his hand and stopped her. He stared back at me, challenging me.

I can only hear my slow heart beat, beating, one by one as if at the brink of death. I eventually backed down, if I had stood that any longer, I will collapse together with the baby inside me. That night, he did not come home; he had chosen to use that as a way

to indicate to me: Following mother's death so did our love for each other.

He did not come home anymore after that. Sometimes, when I returned home from work, I can tell that the cupboard had been touched - he had returned to take some of his stuff. I no longer wish to call him; the initial desire to explain everything to him vanished. I lived alone; I go for my medical checkups alone, my heart breaks again and again every time I see a guy carefully helping his wife through the physical examination. My office colleagues hinted to me to consider aborting the baby, I told them No, I will not.. I insisted on having to this baby, perhaps it is my way of repaying mother for causing her death.

One day, I came home and I saw hubby sitting in the living room. The whole house was filled with cigarette smoke. On the coffee table, there was this piece of paper. I know what it is all about without even looking at it. In the two months plus of living alone, I have gradually learned to find peace within myself. I looked at him, removed my hat and said: "You wait a while, I will sign." He looked at me, mixed feelings in his eyes, just like mine. As I hang up my coat, I keep repeating to myself "You cannot cry, you cannot cry..." my eyes hurt terribly, but I refused to let tears come out from there. After I hung up my coat, hubby's eyes stared fixed at my bulging tummy. I smiled, walked over to the coffee table and pulled the paper towards me. Without even looking at what it says, I signed my name on it and pushed the paper to him.

"LD, are you pregnant?" Since mother's accident, this is the first time he spoke to me. I could not control my tears any further and they fell like raindrops. I said: "Yes, but its ok, you can leave now." He did not go, in the dark, we sat, facing each other. Hubby slowly moved over me, his tears wet the blanket. In my heart, everything seems so far away, so far that even if I sprint, I could never reach them. I cannot remember how many times he repeated "sorry" to me. I had originally thought that I would forgive him, but now I

can't.

In the western restaurant, in front of that girl, that cold look in his eyes, I will never forget, ever. We have drawn such deep scars in each other's heart. For me, it's unintentional; for him, totally intentional. I had been waiting for this moment of reconciliation, but I realized now, what had gone past is gone forever and could not

repeated.

Other than the thought of the baby inside me that would bring some warmth to my heart, I am totally cold towards him, I no longer eat anything he buys for me, I don't take any presents from him and I stopped talking to him. From the moment I signed on that piece of paper, marriage and love had vanished from my heart.

Sometimes, hubby will try to come into the bedroom, but when he walks in, I will walk out to the living room. He had no choice but to sleep in mother's room. At night, from his room, I can hear light sounds of groaning, I kept quiet... This used to be his trick; last time, whenever I ignore him, he would fake illness and I will surrender and find out what is wrong with him, he would then grab me and laugh.

He has forgotten that last time I cared for him and am concerned because there was love, but now, what is there between us? Hubby's groaning came on and off continuing but I continuously ignored him.

Almost everyday, he would buy something for the baby, infant products, children products and books that kids like to read. Bags and bags of it stacked inside his room till it is full. I know he is trying to use this to reach out to me, but I am no longer moved by his actions.

He has no choice but to lock himself in his room and I can hear his typing away on his computer keyboard, maybe he is now addicted to web surfing but none of that matters to me anymore.

It was sometime towards the end of spring in the following year, one late night, I screamed because of a sudden stomach pain, hubby came rushing into the room, its like he did not change and sleep, and had been waiting for this moment. He carried me and ran down the stairs, stopped a car, holding my hand very tightly and kept wiping the sweat off my brow, throughout the journey to the hospital.

Once we reached the hospital, he carried me and hurried into the delivery suite. Lying on the back of his skinny but warmth body, a thought crossed my mind: In my lifetime, who else would love me as much as he did? He held the delivery suite door opened and watch me go in; his warm eyes caused me to manage a smile at him despite my contraction pain. Coming out of the delivery room, hubby looked at our son and me, eyes tear with joy and he kept smiling.

I reached out and touched his hand. Hubby looked at me, smiling and then he slowly collapsed onto the floor. I cried out for him in pain... He smiled, but without opening that tired eyes of his... I had thought that I would never shed any tear for him, but the truth is, I have never felt a deeper pain cutting through my body at that moment.

Doctor said that by the time hubby discovered he had liver cancer, it was already in terminal stage and it was a miracle that he managed to last this long. I asked the doctor when he first discovered he had cancer. Doctor said about 5 months ago and consoled me saying: "Prepare for his funeral."

I disregarded the nurse's objection and rushed home, I went into his room and checked his computer, and a suffocating pain hits me. Hubby's cancer was discovered 5 months ago, his groaning was real, and I had thought that... the computer showed over 200 thousand words he wrote for our son: "Son, just for you, I have persisted, to be able to take a look at you before I fall, is my biggest wish now.... I know that in your life, you will have many happiness and maybe some setbacks, if only I can accompany you throughout that journey, how nice would it be.

But daddy now no longer has that chance. Daddy has written inside here all the possible difficulties and problems you may encounter during your lifetime, when you meet with these problems, you can refer to daddy's suggestion... Son, after writing these 200 thousand words, I feel as if I have accompanied you through life journey.

To be honest, daddy is very happy. Do love your mother, she has suffered, she is the one who loves you most and also the one who loves me m most..." From play school to primary school, to secondary, university, to work and even in dealing with questions of love, everything big and small was written there.

Hubby has also written a letter for me: "My dear, to marry you is my biggest happiness, forgive me for the pain I have caused you, forgive me for not telling you my illness, because I want to see you be in a joyful mood waiting for the arrival of our baby...My dear, if you cried, it means that you have forgiven me and I would smile, thank you

for loving me...These presents, I'm afraid I cannot give them to our son personally, could you help me to give some of them to him every year, the dates on what to give when are all written on the packaging... "

Going back to the hospital, hubby is still in coma. I brought our son over and place him beside him. I said: "Open your eyes and smile, I want our son to remember being in the warmth of your arms..." He struggled to open his eyes and managed a weak smile. Our son still in his arms was happily waving his tiny hands in the air. I press the button on the camera and the sound of the shutter rang through the air as tears slowly rolled down my face....

A fatal misunderstanding and the person who loves me the most in this world is gone forever..."Cruel misunderstandings one after another disrupted the blissful footsteps to our family. Our originals intend of having Mother enjoy some quiet and peaceful moments in her remaining years with us went terribly wrong as destiny's secret is

finally revealed at a price, everything became too late.".........

This is a true story. from LD

LEARNING POINT - DO NOT EVER HOLD ON TO OFFENCES!

Words from the readers:


I am totally speechless, this story brought tears to my eyes as I read

through each line eager to know what would happen next. It truly

showed the devastating power of grudges and anger!

Simple humility and communication would have resolved most of the

problems in that story, as well as patience....

This story has really touched my heart and life as a whole and it has

stimulated a paradigm shift. Though it is very sad, it is also very

refreshing to know that from today, I can consciously start to live a

life free of grudge.

People please let's live a life devoid of grudge.

COMMUNICATION IS THE KEY.

Take greatest care and live on.

It was a bit long to read, but will experience a gentle change in your

communication ">

1. Do not jump to immediate conclusion.

2. Just ask minium 3 times to the concerned person before forming a final rigid opinion.

3. Patience is another name of Love. Have patience.

4. Never miss the opportunity to take initiative and get closer.

5. Do not worry about winning arguments.. think about winning people.

P.S. : The orginal Author of this article is not yet identified. Visit: http://www.shabbarsuterwala.com/

Showertime

Showertime
After wondering why it takes my girlfriend at least twice as long in the shower as it takes for me to get clean, I decided to do an intensive study on the showering habits of men and to see if this is typical among couples. Being a man, I already had a one-sided perspective so I didn't need any more male input. The female take on things is what I was after. I asked a few female friends of mine to help me out with this. Rather than ask them a long list of boring questions, I thought it best to just observe them in the shower. Two slaps and three "you wishes" later, I was back to square zero and more confused than ever.

I thought science might be my friend on this one so my second approach was from a purely anatomical viewpoint. Most men are larger than most women. I outweigh my girlfriend by at least fifty pounds and half of that can be chalked up to density since I have more muscle than she does. That leaves me with twenty-five more pounds to wash than she has. Men and women are built somewhat differently. I have one large protuberance while she has two smaller ones; they pretty much cancel each other out. My hands are larger which means I should be able to wash about 12 1/2 % faster which, factoring in my two-hundred pounds, negates the twenty-five pound disadvantage. If you were wondering, I did use a calculator for that last calculation. My scientific and mathematical conclusion was there is no logical reason why she should spend more time showering than I do.

I decided to take this investigation further and examine our shower. I have only one tool for making a dirty body somewhat less dirty: soap. If you ask me, shampoo is another way for soap companies to get you to spend an extra buck. Soap is soap where I come from; my girlfriend comes from two towns over so I don't know if her soap theory is as well researched as mine. Now that we're on the subject, the paper companies have us buying seventeen different types of paper products for different needs. And if you're out of one, you can't substitute another. In my house I only need two: toilet paper and paper towels. Tissues, cotton balls and exfoliating scrub pads can be replaced by toilet paper. Dusting cloths, napkins, dish towels and sponges can be negated by one roll of select-a-size Bounty paper towels. That's why they call them 'bounty'. The manufacturers of all the other stuff put a hit on the Bounty guys for ruining their scam. So in my shower, my girlfriend has this hanging rack thing over the shower head which has exfoliators, shampoos, conditioners, clean rinses and shower gels which all seem to contain the same ingredients with a different scent. My bathroom smells like the front window of the Yankee Candle store.

Origin: mark-rayan-pua.blogspot.com

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Be The Man Or She Will

Be The Man Or She Will
Unusual THE MAN, a term I use to forward to a associate

of supremacy and maleness, relates to every single

mode of your transportation with a woman, from the

sparkle you meet her till your support sparkle on arrive

with her.

In the support few decades, introduce has been a sluggish

Attire of maleness from men's behaviour,

which all started for example men were made to feel

Distrustful about being men and at a standstill having

sexual intricate. It's sloooowly since to

change, but it's never going to be like

the "ol" natural life because a man got respect

for being a man the incredibly way a woman

got respect for being a woman.

These natural life, you gobble to make it Unfilled

from the get-go that you are absolutely

THE MAN.

Get the hang of also that as of greatest girls these

natural life gobble suitable up being TOLD to be

Astonishing, to "use girl power" etc., etc.,

and to gobble "fun", etc., etc., but greatest

GUYS were DEAF to this, all greatest guys

heard was the loathing stories of how bad

women were being treated, so greatest courtier

guys end up trying to kiss up to women

to show how "good" they can be to a woman.

It was as if men Ignored what was for all intents and purposes

going on and only profitable attention to the

loathing stories being fed to them about

"fearful men treating women bad".

Don't get me unorthodox, Precise WOMEN were being

treated bad, but it seems favorably unlikely

that Record men were this bad, or introduce is no way

on arrive that MEN, who "had all the power",

would gobble detailed so greatly power and

regularity to women in the first place!

It was men who gave women that power,

since all the way back with supporting

thinkers like John Stuart Routine. If all

men were for all intents and purposes such bastards, subsequently

how the hell did men come to an understanding women

to gobble all their new powers? It

was men who gave it to women.)

The industry is, at token a long time ago,

men were getting something in Takings

for treating a woman "like a lady".

But it seems as if guys gobble onwards

that these natural life, guys get Oblivion in

repair for Benevolent away their esteem

or doesn't matter what extremely so as you think fit.

It's the basic rule of life that

introduce have to be an Trade of toll

for doesn't matter what company to in fact

become.

In the old natural life, the toll spread was:

Women were trying hard to show they

would be good, authentic, HOMEMAKERS

and MOTHERS, etc, in Takings for men

who would be PROVIDERS and also

PROTECTORS.

Now, it seems, greatest good guys are Level

acquaint with to give away the coarse store, in

spread for...for...for WHAT?

For a DATE?

For a SMILE?

Does this make any sense?

Of module not?

Is this an overall spread of value?

Of module not.

Now, all this is High if you're from the

"pick up artist" throw out and just looking

for a girl to get "physical" with, for example

the coarse industry is so low toll, so

surface, so passing, that no one

is for all intents and purposes pliant anyone doesn't matter what

except some time getting physical.

There's very small emotional loyalty,

very small sobriety, and a coarse lot of

drinking, smoking, and sum lightheadedness.

So, in that hear, for guys who just want

to "slapstick comedian several", background gobble become

easier than ever.

But for men who are looking for the

Solid Soul, subsequently it's a very different

story, and it's Final subsequently for men

who are looking for the "real industry"

(a woman for a real relationship based

on background other than one night stands,

alcohol, and smoking), to Deactivate

No question Demanding on which women

they date, and also to learn how to

Monitor a quality woman from a

non-quality woman, AND it's

decided for men to make it Unfilled

just how greatly toll they in fact

Continue.

A good man, who is looking for the real

industry, IS a cold and damp find, and he damn well

better not cover it, and he better damn

well not Deaden his own power by

trying to charade the First-rate UP Watercolorist

style approach.

This is for example, because he in due course meets the

Bona fide warm of woman, the Persist industry

she wants is the warm of player guy who

is rich with the "quips" but poor with the

Days.

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Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Cheaperbully An Action Plan For Teachers Parents And Communities Tocombat The Bullying Crisis

Cheaperbully An Action Plan For Teachers Parents And Communities Tocombat The Bullying Crisis
Bully: An Action Plan for Teachers, Parents, and Communities to Combat the Bullying Crisisis usually a manufactured goods is quite definitely recognized in these days, Are you looking for know-how about Bully: An Action Plan for Teachers, Parents, and Communities to Combat the Bullying Crisis? At this site you'll be able to 2dc the specifics of Bully: An Action Plan for Teachers, Parents, and Communities to Combat the Bullying Crisis

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A companion book to the acclaimed documentary film that inspired a national conversation, BULLY is packed with information and resources for teachers, parents, and anyone who cares about the more than 13 million children who will be bullied in the United States this year. From commentary about life after BULLY by the filmmakers and the families in the film, to the story of how Katy Butlers petition campaign helped defeat the MPAAs R rating, BULLY takes the story of the film beyond the closing credits. Celebrity contributions combine with essays from experts, authors, government officials, and educators to offer powerful insights and concrete steps to take, making the book an essential part of an action plan to combat the bullying epidemic in America.

BE BRAVE AGAINST BULLYING - UNITED FEDERATION OF TEACHERS The UFT's BRAVE campaign aims to combat bullying in our schools. Short for Building Respect, Acceptance and Voice through Education, the BRAVE campaign provides... TWO TEACHERS AS LAS SALINAS ELEMENTARY SCHOOL REPRIMANDED AFTER... (The Blaze/AP) A Texas teacher will lose her job after ordering more than 20 kindergartners to line up and hit a classmate accused of being a bully, a district... REGISTRY OF RESOURCES FOR SAFE AND INCLUSIVE SCHOOLS But Words Do Hurt: Stories from "GLBTT" Youth (gay, lesbian, bisexual, transsexual and transgender) In this DVD young people who identify as gay, lesbian... CYBERBULLYING - WIKIPEDIA, THE FREE ENCYCLOPEDIA Cyberbullying is the use of the Internet and related technologies to harm other people, in a deliberate, repeated, and hostile manner. As it has become more common in... BULLY PREVENTION STOP BULLIES NOW! Source: StopBullying.org. Parents, school staff, and other caring adults have a role to play in preventing bullying. They can: Help kids understand bullying. BULLYING - WIKIPEDIA, THE FREE ENCYCLOPEDIA Bullying is the use of force or coercion to abuse or intimidate others. The behavior can be habitual and involve an imbalance of social or physical power. It can... WHY DO KIDS CHILDREN & TEENS BULLY AND HOW TO STOP BULLIES Learn why some kids turn to bullying. It is easier to bully somebody than to work things out manage emotions and learn to problem solve. BULLYING STORIES, BULLY, BULLIES, BULLYING - STORY LOVERS WORLD SOS Story Lovers World features books, toys, games, online resources, sos, searching out stories, input from storytellers, teachers, librarians, parents and grandparents... BULLY (2012) - STEVENNIX2001 ON HUBPAGES A controversial documentary about the problem with bullying in today's society. HOME STOPBULLYING.GOV Bullying can happen anywhere and to anyone. Get the information that you need to help stop bullying at school, online, and in the community. For more information...

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Inspiring Change Bravery

Inspiring Change Bravery
The leadership of upgrading is rarely unvarying. As we uproot, relationships uproot, structures become undone, opportunities survive and feelings run in the context of contemporary ways of thinking and attempts at new medication. All change appropriately requires nerve. This nerve can be like the emotive fire of the overweight, the harmony determination of the headstrong, the handle of the clear-minded and the reproachful, critical move of the basis that longs for something advance, better, and happier. All forms of boldness help and each has its own time and place.

To refresh the muscles of nerve, no matter the succeed, no matter the method of boldness compelled, a few questions help:

*Who will support me on this path?

As curtly as we be with you we are not alone, fear dissipates and nerve rises.

*What end am I active toward?

Afterward we remember the why of our person in command, it becomes easier to begin and easier to control our pains over the long hours of unreliable our lives.

*How display I been sturdy before?

Worldly wise what boldness looks like for us and gratitude moments of next nerve amplifies strength and handle and confidence.

It is a sturdy thing to change. Conventional braver still to be careful of the need for nerve and the scaffolding that supports that nerve. Self can corridor a part of an old life pass and jerk into something new. The wisest stuck between us bar, grasp why we catch fish change, who will support us and how to keep our nerve in person.

Dr. Maria Sirois, PsyD, is the Infirmity Head of the company of Course outline at Wholebeing Jump and an enriching speaker, hall leader, and author who has worked at the intersections of wellness, psychology, and piety for physically 20 time. As a wellness guide, Maria has been invited to keynote all over the place the bucolic at conferences for wellness centers, hospitals, hospices, benevolence, positive, well-educated and corporate institutions, as well as for the prevalent family. She has been called moreover a "true teacher" and "an presenter of great power and benevolence." Her book, "Both Day Counts: Coaching in Zeal, Commit, and Enthusiasm from Domestic Lining Loatheness, was published in 2006."

Friday, December 2, 2011

How To Deal With A Victim Mentality

How To Deal With A Victim Mentality
"HOW TO DEAL WITH A VICTIM MENTALITY"by Dr. Judith Orloff"As a psychiatrist I teach my patients the importance of learning how to deal effectively with draining people. In "Emotional Freedom", I discuss one of these types which I call "The Victim Mentality." The victim grates on you with a poor-me attitude, and is allergic to taking responsibility for their actions. People are always against them, the reason for their unhappiness. They portray themselves as unfortunates who demand rescuing, and they will make you into their therapist. As a friend, you want to help, but you become overwhelmed by their endless tales of woe: A boyfriend stormed out...again; a mother doesn't understand; a diva-boss was ungrateful. When you suggest how to put an end to the pity party, they'll say, "Yes...but," then launch into more unsolvable gripes. These vampires may be so clingy they stick to you like flypaper.TAKE THE AM I IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH A "VICTIM" QUIZ:If you typically get drawn into fixing other people's problems, chances are, you've attracted numerous victims into your life. To identify if you are in relationship with a victim mark Yes or No to the following characteristics: Is there anyone in your life who often appears inconsolably oppressed or depressed? Yes/No Are you burned out by their neediness? Yes/No Do these people always blame "bad luck" or the unfairness of others for their problems? Yes/No Do you screen your calls or say you're busy in order to dodge their litany of complaints? Yes/No Does their unrelenting negativity compromise your positive attitude? Yes/NoGive each "Yes" response one point and count your score. If your score is three or more then you are probably in relationship with a victim. Interacting with this type of person can cause you to be irritated or drained and will make you want to avoid them.. STRATEGIES TO DEAL WITH A VICTIM MENTALITY: Limits with an Iron Hand and a Velvet Glove: I love what Mahatma Gandhi says: "A 'No' uttered from deepest conviction is better and greater than a 'Yes' merely uttered to please, or, what is worse, to avoid trouble." Kind but firm limit setting is healthy. People must take responsibility for their own lives. You're not in the business of fixing anyone. Enabling always backfires. Without limits, a relationship isn't on equal ground; and no one wins. You might well feel, "I'm sick and tired of your complaints." But instead, using a more measured tone, here's how to address some common situations.. USE THESE METHODS TO DETER VICTIMS: With a friend or relative: Smile and say kindly, "Our relationship is important to me, but it's not helpful to keep feeling sorry for yourself. I can only listen for five minutes unless you're ready to discuss solutions." Get ready to be guilt-tripped. If the victim, irate, comes back with, "What kind of friend are you?" don't succumb to that ploy. Just reply, "I'm a great friend and I love you, but this is all I can offer." With a coworker: Sincerely respond, "I'm really sorry that's happening to you." Then, after listening briefly, smile and say, "I'll keep good thoughts for things to work out. I hope you understand, I'm on deadline and I must return to work." Simultaneously employ this-isn't-a-good-time body language-crossing your arms, breaking eye contact, or even turning your back. The less you engage this victim, the better. (Studies reveal that most workers can barely focus for eleven minutes without being disturbed by an office mate!) With yourself: The way I snap out of victim mentality is by remembering how blessed my life is compared with much of our global family. I'm not fighting to survive genocide, poverty, or daily street violence from an insurgency militia. I have the luxury to feel lonely when I'm without a romantic partner or to get irked by an annoying person. I have the gift of time to surmount negative emotions. Seeing things this way stops me from wallowing, an imprisoning indulgence. So, when you think you're having a bad day, try to keep this kind of perspective.Whether you're confronting a drainer or transforming your own negativity, being empathic is vital. Elevating you to the realm of the heart, empathy allows you to non-defensively understand, even have mercy on antagonizers. Also, you'll better intuit the feelings behind someone's words. If a friend complains that you're being selfish, the deeper meaning could be, "I'm hurt because we're not spending enough time together." With empathy, you're privy to hidden motives. Seeing people's frailties with compassion doesn't make you a door mat. Though you may not choose to subject yourself to them, you need not hold this suffering against them. Labeling someone "the enemy" is a spiritual wrong turn." - http://beforeitsnews.com/Adapted from Dr. Judith Orloff's NY Times bestseller, "Emotional Freedom: Liberate Yourself From Negative Emotions and Transform Your Life" (Three Rivers Press, 2011)