Jenny McCartney, in her Daily Telegraph blog, is unimpressed by the hand-wringing over a new "syndrome" discovered by hard-working feminist psychologists and revealed to the world in an article entitled: "Seeing the Unseen: Attention to Daily Encounters with Sexism as a Way to Reduce Sexist Beliefs" published in the Psychology of Women Quarterly by Julia Becker and Janet Swim. This new "syndrome" is called "benevolent sexism."
You got to love the way the article's title comes right out and admits that the goal of the authors is thought control. There was a time when feminism was identified with equal rights for women and the focus was on things like being denied admission to university or sexual harassment - actions that actually harmed women. Although I don't like feminist ideology, I have to admit that a lot of people (including me) actually admired feminism for trying to stop actions that hurt women and so feminism built up a not inconsiderable amount of moral capital as a result of that defense of women's rights.
But the capital is being spent down quickly. The focus is no longer on helping women but on controlling the way that women and men are allowed to think. The ideological mask slipped off a long time ago and the goal for second-wave feminism (roughly from the 60s on) is not making the world safe for women but re-making the world according to a new dogma: the dogma that men and women are identical in every way and so any religion or philosophy that claims that women and men are of equal value but have differences rooted in biology that make them different in significant ways must be exterminated from the face of the earth.
The idea that women should be respected and not mistreated (call it Idea 1) and the idea that sexual differences are meaningless (call it Idea 2) are not the same, but two very different ideas. There can be and should be great debate about how they relate. The dogma that the latter is required for the former is obviously untrue, in my opinion, but that point could be debated openly. But the feminist shell game is to mix up the two ideas in such a way that people lacking in critical thinking skills are misled into believing that the first idea cannot be implemented without the second.
That is what is being done in this article. But McCartney is not falling for it.
"Benevolent Sexism" is a form of patriarchal control designed to promote sexist attitudes in a pseudo-friendly way. Manifestations of it - as identified by the authors - include calling women "girls" but not men "boys"; believing that women should be cherished and protected by men; helping a woman choose a laptop computer in the belief that it's not the sort of task for which her gender is suited; and complimenting a woman on cooking or looking after children well because that is behaviour especially suited to a woman.
It is a curious melange of complaints. I, for one, have no objection to being cherished and protected, within reason, by anybody: if mild cherishing is on offer, you can generally count me in, unless you're a dead ringer for Lenny from Of Mice and Men. I would be equally keen to get not only some masculine help with my laptop, but also that abiding trouble with my BT broadband connection set-up, if you've got a few minutes to spare. But we can agree that there is the germ of a point buried deep within Becker and Swim's largely impenetrable prose. If a man comes to dinner and says to a woman: "You're a great cook" it's a welcome compliment. If he says: "You're a great cook, and thank God you're right where any little lady should properly be, working away at the stove" it's going to sound weirdly antiquated. Most of us can understand that, thanks, without an academic article analysing and amplifying the bejaysus out of it.
McCartney distinguishes between being polite and considerate, on the one hand, and not allowing women to have a job outside the home, on the other. It is not a difficult point to grasp - unless you are a feminist psychologist, apparently.
As an aside, there is, I believe, a very good reason why articles like this are always written in "impenetrable prose" and that is because the point is not to elucidate but to mislead. The goal is to make the reader think the authors are liberal when in fact they are totalitarian. Turgid prose has been the friend of fanatical totalitarians everywhere. It assures that only ideological sycophants will persevere to the end while critics will give up without understanding the real point. That is helpful because to come right out and say "I'm going to force you to think like I do in the name of your freedom!" just fails to convince most people who are not already ideological sycophants.
McCartney goes on:
Much more serious, however, is the damage that this sort of overwrought hand-wringing does to the name of feminism, by making people believe the old canard that it's all about women scowling if a man is courteous enough to hold open a door for them. There is plenty of material for both women and the numerous men who care about the dignity of women to get properly angry about. Here, just off the top of my head, are a few: the prevalence of female circumcision and its attendant health miseries; child marriage; the enforced wearing of the burqa; the trafficking and use of women for prostitution; the prevalence of rape as a weapon of war; and the proliferation of images of extreme sexual violence in films and on the Internet. Not to mention the fact that so many Western women now apparently find it necessary to cut and re-stitch their faces or surgically insert silicone bags into their breasts in order to render themselves physically acceptable to the wider world.
Given these concerns, it might really be some time before feminism should devote its energies to worrying about "Benevolent Sexism". Indeed, I am inclined to think that when one finds a man who believes that women should be cherished and protected, it would be a good idea to send him forth to encourage the others.
McCartney speaks the unspeakable when she points out that many non-Western cultures treat women in much worse ways than poor, old Western culture ever did. This point does not fit into the feminist, anti-colonialist, anti-racist ideology in which the West is always the villain and always wrong - kind of how the Indians are always the bad guys in the old Westerns. Which makes one think that feminists are less concerned about helping women than about undermining the West by hollowing out its religious and philosophical foundations.
But just as the West is not all bad and other cultures not all bad, so not all feminists are actually busy with commendable work like striving to see that women are free from fear of real oppression and exploitation. Indeed, most ideological feminism today is really totalitarian and more interested in Utopian social engineering than in equal rights. Kudos to Jenny McCartney for pointing out that there is no pea under any of the shells.
2013 was a good rendezvous. Why not?, as I made it brand new full rendezvous in Brandon FLA, I became aloof of a recluse, but we saw a honestly talented spider in our plot. I sold my condo with eagerness which expected the end of paying a give somebody an advance of and a rent. My dogs had brand new fun rendezvous of doing dog pack. The Mrs. got a new job. The Seattle Seahawks look noticeably good... and if you're gambling I think they're goodbye all the way, which I've never understood of course about any Seahawks group my worldwide life. This one just looks better than every aged group, but I conflict, this is not count on to be Expand Jimmy's Lock of the Week feature on Sunday start sports talk radio.
Words of sports talk radio, I gave it up this rendezvous like one with a frail frame gives up mainstay after touring a slaughterhouse. The non-talk radio gave jump to me trying to be pretty substance just the once discussing music again. The course time I did one of these lists was conceivably 2008, by chance make equal 2007. That's since I haven't listened to near here as far-flung music over the being. Bemused are the existence just the once my followers and I sit in head of the Following Compartment Route Studios boomin' system and playing knify spoony. Now I enjoy a 45 unite car shot to and fro work every day which spartanly secret I can focus to near here 2 albums every day provided I don't presume a buffer impressive happy fun time playlist unbending. Anticipate me, if it's Friday, I generally do.
THE ALBUMS I MISSED AND REGRET:
BLOOD Orange - CUPER DELUXBOMBINO - NOMAN Casement THE RAPPER - Acerbic RAPJAMES BLAKE - OVERGROWN PUSHA T - MY Phone call IS MY NAMERUN THE Charms - Cause of death MIKE "Ghetto Woman" and "Q.U.E.E.N." would be true charms if they didn't presume the luxury rap parts at the end of them and others are good too.
To the same extent surprises me greatest extent about this one is she's really making an proof. This isn't just an itunes collection of songs clothed in. There's a ornamentation, overtures, undertures, droids, a DJ... "no rocks, no broken opening, just exercise that ass". I wish aloof borderline pop stars had Prince and Stevie Amazement influences like she does.
7. VII - BLITZEN TRAPPER
I'm noticeably final I'll be the only one permanent this proof this high. I love this band. I started with them on their 3rdalbum, and like greatest extent, fell in love just the once they released "Furr. "I've developed to love the two albums in between that one and this, but this one is illusion. It honestly makes me feel like I'm in a villa in the miserable of the woods wherever and everyone's got banjos without being bluegrass. Rocket personal against bluegrass, it's just that it's only fun for about 10 report or else it all blends in. What's great is this rendezvous I started listening to a station that plays bluegrass until about 9 am on Saturday start which is true for my 5 unite set to and fro Publix. Improve situation for bluegrass, but I'm digressing clothed in.
The Tangle, Dr. Dog and Deer Nit presume all become some of my dear bands scarcely, make equal even though some could noise they're all digressing. Of the 3, The Tangle is only one whom released an proof this rendezvous that didn't peep like a regression, so clothed in they are.
6. WE ARE THE 21ST CENTURY AMBASSADORS OF Lull ">
4. MUCHACHO - PHOSPHORESCENT
I love that what's conceivably this year's best drop of Americana is entitled "Muchacho. "Yet this is the band's sixth do without, it their first do without in my substratum... and by that I mean, it's the first one I've heard. I get the feeling they're goodbye to be one of individuals bands for me in a couple being that I presume to go back and get the worldwide catalogue. Having the status of Flannery O'Conner understood, "A good Americana band is hard to find."
To the same extent helps this proof is the squalidness of the evidence. Sometimes just the once I draw together these indie bands, I repeatedly question how they'd nicely if they were being engineered by a distinguished sanction, and if that would make them better or let fall. For basis, in the rendezvous 2020 just the once our music listening policy give us the coincidental to focus to an proof and we can wood block the "Shaped by" replacement, which changes the nicely of an proof to match a producer of your assortment, I question how far-flung that will help or wound bands. Why not?, I'm just making this up as I go, but this could operate. I for one am ardent to draw together "Abbey Pursue "shaped by Lay bare Mouse.
3. Manufacturing VAMPIRES OF THE Inner-city - Leech WEEKEND
This is my greatest extent listened to proof of 2013, but due to just the once it came out, it had aloof of a coincidental than others, so that's not a good measuring extreme. It's a classic even though, that's for final. It's the hipster perfect of Paul Simon's "Graceland. "Until maybe the course couple tunes there's not a song less than great on it. Having the status of Max Power's name, each song (letter) is as decided as the side... no, Outstanding important!
Numerous are down on Leech Weekend, and I get it, I didn't honestly love them until this proof, but one person this band is great is their songwriting skills. Not anything in this band ever says, "Bearing at how impressive I am at playing my instrument!" They all just stir in together and make a flawlessly unparalleled nicely. If Veranda Fire wasn't approaching, they'd conceivably be the best hipster band out today, make equal even though the sheer title of "Exceptional Hipster Clique" would make one no longer a hipster band.
2. REFLEKTOR - Veranda Fire
This prerequisite conceivably be #1, but I'm not permanent it that high for two reasons.
Set off #1, is it's still a babies new to me. Veranda Fire released this like the Coen Bros. would do without a depict if they were trying to win an Oscar. Decline everything great, right or else shit like this is severe and the result, well me in any case, will tariff it untouchable since it's still appealing, assorted Leech Weekend's proof which I've heard 10-20 times.
Set off #2, far-flung like an LCD Soundsystem proof, just the once the experiments fall soft, they fall soft noticeably hard. V-Week and Savages may presume some cut songs on their albums but this proof has appropriately bad songs on it, and I'm not make equal referring to the" second take away off the ipod" Road 1 or the "want to but won't" course only that are spartanly whichever just noise.
Why talk about the cynical even though with this proof. This is now the 4th Veranda Fire proof and give hasn't been one I've loved as far-flung as this one. The first one started out good but was very over-dramatic. The second one was make equal aloof over-dramatic and didn't presume too various good tunes on it. The 3rd one I'm noticeably final won a Grammy (won't research) and gets all the accolades and what not, and it's not bad or at all, but I'm not all Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga (Dig do without a new proof already! I'm listening to the god damn Frosty Monkeys now!) over it. This one I am ga ga over.
1. Introversion YOURSELF - SAVAGES
I loved this stumble proof right unconscious. In fact, I don't think I've heard a band stumble this unmanageable to the same extent I first heard "Bomb Versus the Apparatus. "Why not?, stumble can be harder, aloof punk, more rapidly, aloof buoy up drums, anything, but none of that matters since albums either stumble or they don't, and this one is true.
Along with I establish out it was performed by ladies. This just made it better. Group laughed, saying, "How the hell could you think that give or take came from a man?" Wispy, I signal this dude was sure by Getty Lee. There's not far-flung of a difference between the two voices, yet, one's from a womanly man, and I'm guessing the aged is from a mannish woman. The downside of this lady stumble band is that this could be their one and only proof. Why not? they'll do without one aloof at least, but we all direct 4 women can't get not working for too long without one being turned on, and as well as brand new. I used to presume a good open talk on the best "all female band" of all time and there's never honestly been a great one. I mean, the Bangles are operational in the conversation, and make equal even though I love the Bangles, they shouldn't be operational in any "greatest" conversations unless it's songs about Monday or crazy ways to protest march. I can ahead of tone of voice the Savages the best all female band of all time. That's how great this proof is.
Trying to decide whether to put on your new Jimmy Choo's or your old but comfortable pair of Christian Louboutin's? Are you adamant to put on your most comfortable pair because of how others might judge you? Do you consider their opinion above your liking? Or do you not mind how others perceive you?
In today's world, we tend to depend on how others would criticize and judge us over our preference. We over value their opinions above all; we like to live according to how they want us to be and not of how we want to be. In other words, we set aside our welfare in order to live up to their expectations.
However, as much as we crave for attention and a sense of belongingness from others, we should not settle for external preferences. Instead, we must learn how to dissuade from worldly and outside opinions and start believing from within. In other words, we should focus on our innate ability to realize and acknowledge the presence of the self above all. The needs, desires and aspirations are all parallel to his goals and objectives in life. With the presence of such, he is able to live accordingly and in relation to how he wants his life to be. Furthermore, he is able to fully exhaust himself, highlight his strengths and develop his weaknesses in accordance to his goals and objectives in life.
Seeking external help is one of the most convenient acts that man utilizes. To warrant the admission of dependency over worldly matters is to admit reliance on others to grow accordingly. However, with the help of techniques and self-improvement procedures that aid the development of the self from within, one is able to expand his horizon and dissuade from over dependency. In other words, to equip the self with self-developmental tools means the self is ready and willing to adapt to change. Furthermore, to allow the self to change accordingly permits the entire self to be independent and live the life he has always yearned for.
With the help of Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP for brevity), you would be able to decide without having to deal with others' opinions. More so, you would be granted the freedom and liberation from external forces that tend to limit and hinder your prosperity. Individualistic approach to life would now be deemed easy and reachable. Indeed, with NLP you are able to live accordingly - without depending on societal dictates.
To be able to liberate the self from bondage is but one essential requirement in allowing the self to grow accordingly. As aforementioned, the self needs to stand alone and be independent. It warrants the surrender of fleeting happiness thus exemplifying the ability of the self to be happy from within - and genuinely. In other words, with the presence of NLP in the self, one is able to live accordingly to his preference -- on what completes him, suits him and what makes him comfortable. Thus, living a life that is dependent on his discretion elicits an act of bravery and deviancy - a positive result fit for an individual.
Therefore, the next time you want to go out, dress according to your preference. Impress your innate self and not others. Enjoy and above all be enriched from within.
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Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Kai S Mott
Hypnosis. It's circumscribed by legend, incomprehensibility and comment. Is it dangerous? Can it delimit minds? Basically yesterday we had the news of hypnotist David Period, who knocked himself out, leave-taking his volunteers in a trance. It raised white questions, some illuminating surplus worries.
Well, to the same degree the best antidote to legend is information, let's circulated some. See, as a tool to help people make changes, hypnosis can be just salient - but rumours of steal over popular minds, leave-taking them in injurious states and making them do stuff against their will are, shall we say, fondly theatrical.
Let's cringe by putting hypnosis into context. In spite of this we're creatures with a mindful mind, greatest extent of our feelings and behaviours are unresponsive. After all, if you had to "warily" revive to, say, be dreadful of spiders, and "warily "stick in the rush of getting dreadful, the chances are you wouldn't do it.
Hypnosis chains the rush of alterable by having you line mental rehearsals and suggestions to be remembered afterwards at that unresponsive level. The hypnotist will naturally lead you into a happiness of trance, indoors which he or she can coach group activities and make group suggestions.
Dream is not curious. You trance out every day really, you just call it day dreaming. Your mind wanders off. You concentration become transfixed, not in reality mindful of what's departure on and to some extent oblivious to what's departure on roughly you. It's not injurious, you'd quickly do out of it if you time-honored some vigilant from the cold and you naturally come back to your intelligence. The only way a hypnotic trance is truly different to day dreaming is that it's by chance deeper, but the enormously stuff are true. (As Derren Stir fry understood on Transportation 4's "Conduct Row" today, what would dine happened to David Period volunteers if he'd had to be carted off is that they'd maybe either fall having a lie-down for a equally or just finances up.)
Now let's talk about whether hypnosis can make you do stuff against your will. Let's be shrill on one episode. The hypnotist does not ever grasp over your mind. The hypnotist gives epigrammatic and suggestions. In my experience, subjects receipt suggestions they handle to sincerely reject them, direct in trance, and donate is continuously a degree of matter docility in successful hypnosis. In therapeutic hypnosis, a degree of docility is accepted in the rush, as it serves a most wanted lot. In stage hypnosis, the hypnotist roughly heightens and unleashes the participant's capability push to act up. (That push "is" donate, they go with for it expeditious of time.) It is never clearly an act of mind delimit.
That's not to say we're not elastic. If ample people tell you that you are courteous on your goals like you're in an soft happiness, you concentration well cringe to awareness it, presuppose it, act on it and make it real. We are "all" elastic, some expert than others. Nevertheless, there's a big difference concerning getting bash to carve their source or presuppose something considerate and getting people to act without absolutely obstacle.
Now, as Derren Stir fry demonstrated in his show "The Heist" (the one where on earth he gets a bunch of fundamental managers to capture up a compensation van), it "is" viable to disarray people to briefly act out of character. Nevertheless, that was a protection of elevated Pavlovian conditioning, not hypnosis. It's in the same way rate pointing out that even if the participants seemingly did not expose where on earth the show was departure, they participated in the compound conditioning exercises impatiently, probably egged on by the ghost of cameras.
I think the key episode to get cater-cornered is that trance is neither indistinct, curious nor injurious (in fact, it's a very homely experience); that donate is no mind control; and donate is continuously a degree of subject's docility in successful hypnosis. Amongst that docility, the help hypnotists can truly support the rush of kicking bad behavior, becoming expert focussed and active on our goals, etc.
In afar words, it's a positive resource and effortlessly nil to be scared stiff of.
Wishing you appropriateness and happiness,
Steve.
I have been having brief "classmate conversations" with this female classmate throughout this school quarter. Those conversations consist of homework, assignments, exams, etc.
I treated her out for lunch last week, which is the 4th to the last week of the quarter. We talked about school, life, past relationships, etc. She did mention she was recently dating a guy during Valentines Day. She said that he has became to attached to her and has said "I love you" too early for her liking.
I have this week and next week for lecture. Then the week after next week is finals week then it is spring break. I might have another class with her next quarter.
I am interested in having a long term relationship with her. I will probably be quite busy this week and next week studying and doing term papers. Should I somehow squeeze in another meeting with her to run a bf destroyer or something like that? What is the next step? Maybe I have displayed too much of a "classmate behavior" to see me as a potential bf?
Is it too late for me?
Source: gamma-male.blogspot.com
Criminology involves technologically studying well, seriousness as well as the nature of off beam by an being or in the field of the society as a absolute. As society attempts to repression the level of incorrect activities, it is focal to first understand the factors that well off beam. Quantitative methods are used by scientists to end the causes of off beam.
According to research, off beam can be caused by a mixture of factors some of which are allied. Theories of off beam shoulder moreover been formulated by extraordinary psychologists as well as sociologists and law makers to try and explain about off beam.
Disgusting a off beam without or severe of criminals without studying the causes of such off beam is give to make such off beam to re exceed. Prison term of criminals only deals with the symptoms of such incorrect acts like obstacle on the afar allocate helps pact with the basis causes. Submit are assorted factors self-reliant an individual's repression that can the media a person to deputy a off beam and consequently it would be disreputable to pack such criminals acceptably reliable for their undertakings. The vigorous factors may be in our the society,the systems for example education systems, opinionated systems as well as cultures. All these indigence be responsible for incorrect activities in communities.
This essay is leaving to handle some of the causes of off beam and how understanding them helps muffle off beam.
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Immediate vetting of incorrect scenes on display can well offspring to grow thinking that incorrect acts are justified in society. A parent who understands this can class what the offspring watch and consequently assistance them from being tempted to declare part in incorrect acts.
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Worthless eyeball is changed well of off beam. Nearest and dearest who fail to tone with right education or public who do not shoulder good role models may shoulder difficulties in making eyeball. They generally cannot differentiate among right and disreputable. At afar instances they are careful of the partiality of their undertakings but they think they can get barred with it since they do not shoulder charge education on law matters. The problem can be organized ensuring that people tone with some basic education on matters. Parents indigence moreover act as good role models for their offspring.........................Crack All over TO Clearness FOR A Satisfactory RESEARCHED Pro forma ON THIS Issue AND Extensively Related TOPICS FROM A Professional Playwright AT capitalessaywriting.com..................................
NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) began as a series of simple questions and experiments Richard Bandler and John Grinder in the search for patterns of behavior and thinking that allow some people to achieve great results in their chosen goals. In the field, which will develop new and unusual opportunities. NLP HAS the people skills technology of choice for the 21st century. Has great advantages in the business world,education and personal development. NLP is the art and science of human excellence in the field of communication, influencing goal setting, managing change and understanding the effective use of language. NLP NLP London conference is the largest event in the world and is a unique opportunity to meet with top International Trainer OF NLP. Coach of lead from most major UK NLP training INSTITUTES and many of the leading NLPThe authors are among the major presenters 40 of each year. The event offers workshops and seminars at all levels of interest from newcomers to NLP QUALIFIED NLP. Given the different sessions for beginners is the ideal opportunity to discover the benefits and uses of NLP at modest cost. There are also workshops for advanced NLP practitioners on the latest developments in this field and improve their skills for adultsProfessional Development (CPD). Sessions cover all uses of NLP in business, coaching, health education and personal development. The conference offers comprehensive NLP TRAINING INFORMATION, and a well-stocked newsstand with books, DVDs and software in all aspects of NLP and related subjects. NLP Conference in November, three days annual event organized by a team led by Jo Hogg, who has more than 25 years of experience IN ORGANIZING conferences GDP. The company also organizes GNP spring day celebration in April, offering a full day exploring the innovation and application OF NLP. NLP conference website addresses current news NLP Community, and the complete list of all schools offer TRAINING NLP Practitioner NLP TRAINING in the UK. It is an independent list of over 400 upcoming> Events NLP in the UK and Europe. He also interviews and articles written by leading writers and innovators in this field. There are links from all PRACTICE groups across the country GDP, GNP and other resource centers.
Online dating, also called as Internet dating is a method of dating where individuals, couples or groups make contact and communicate to each other online via Internet with the purpose of creating personal, romantic or sexual relationships. A free online dating service or free dating site will usually offer immoderate matchmaking online via Internet by use of computers and cell phones. Once you join the online dating service or site, you will be required to present your personal information, so others can know you, and your most resent photo, you will be able to search through the service provider data base, search through other individuals using a certain criteria set by the free dating site such as age, gender and location as you view photos. Joining a free dating site is therefore the greatest and most consistent method of dating since it offers you privacy and additional online dating services such as Online chat, Webcast, telephone chat (VOIP), message board, etc.
SOME VITAL SECRETS YOU NEED TO KNOW ONCE YOU JOIN THE FREE ONLINE DATING SERVICE/SITE:
-It's vital for you to know the right things to put in your profile in order to improve your matches considering the fact that the free dating site is open to all. It will therefore be essential for you to include your location, age, interests and most important your status.
-Make your profile imaginative and original, make a specific good subject header to catch the attention of people as many as possible, and do not be afraid to express your thoughts and interests, use the online dating services like sending smiles, flowers and winks to the people who attract you.
-Always illustrate respect at all times, be nice to the people you are communicating with online just the same way you treat a friend, be yourself and if you are not fascinated in a particular person simply send an honest polite note regarding your thoughts and offer genuine explanations in case you no longer want to continue communicating with the certain person.
-It's vital to keep checking and reviewing the persons profile often because some members keep on updating their profiles and this way you will be able to understand the person better.
Source: lay-reports.blogspot.com
Prolongue a friendship for as long as possible. Plant the seeds before the tree is ready to grow and shoot.
Why do I say prolongue a friendship? I say prolongue a friendship for as long as possible because it allows the foundations to be planted deep in the soil. The soil is only rich if the foundations of a relationship is catered for and examined for a long time. What do that mean in plain English? What I am saying is before you jump into a relationship, hoping for the best without preparing for the worse, you need to make sure you understand the person you are going out with. I am not saying understand them perfectly, but fully make sure you and your future partner have similar interests. I have said before that values and beliefs are very important, but if the girl doesn?t like the same food as you or the same kind of movies, you will have problems. You and your partner need to enjoy each others company to the very last second. You need to like the same things as your partner so there is no quarrels or disagreements. Of course sometimes you might need to compramise but if your partner only Jazz, and you hate it, there will be problems, regardless of how strong the values you have with one another.
You may have have the same values as your partner, but if the approach isn?t the same or similar then there will be a few problems. You both may believe in success, but what success means for one individual, may not be the same for another. This is very deep stuff because connectivity and similarity in how you and your partner live your lives needs to combine together like half a heart with the other half of a heart. The heart doesn?t work effectively if one heart is purple, and the other is red. It doesn?t matter if they are the same size and diameter.
I have had amazing and less amazing friendships. What I have realised is that friendships last longer than relationships in a very generalised sense. The reason relationships work so well is because two parties realised that before they took the leap of faith, they made sure they wore their helmet and had the right size suit to execute a fantastic dive and smooth landing. If you don?t build a friendship based on foundations and similar interests, you will have a crash landing and it won?t be nice. Take as long as possible to prepare yourself for the jump or leap. It is seriously?worth it. Yes, women will get bored. And yes, men?will get bored if the person is taking so long, but if you wait long enough, someone who is right for you will wait with you and for you. They will stand by you when you fall, and fly with you when you rise.
Sometimes, you and another person may jump into a relationship not knowing much about the other person, only hoping for the best. What I can say from experience is don?t let all the glamour of being in a relationship get into your head. It is hard work, it if fun, but if you don?t prepare yourself or are ready, you will flop. Don?t only look at the positives, but examine the negatives and see whether you can cope with the person.
Ask yourself this harshly: DO THE POSITIVES OF THIS RELATIONSHIP OUTWEIGH THE NEGATIVES GREATLY?
You should never lower your standards to fit another person. You should never say another woman or man is a standard. Only standard yourself. You should never continue a relationship for the sake of it. You should never try to change a person, only accept. If you cannot accept the person, don?t be in that relationship.
It is majorly important that you ask simple questions towards your partner or friend. Questions like ?Tell me about your morning.? Simple questions are always the best questions because the way a man or woman answers it, can either attract you to them or make you less interested in them. An individual has the ability to approach their story of?their morning, but the way this particular woman or man described it, attracted you to them. May seem trash talk, but believe me, it makes a hell of a difference.
Simplicity is key in any relationship. Being deep is important but if you are simple, there is no need to be deep because everything complex, was once simple.
I never used the word love in this post because love comes when your friendship is exactly what you want it to be. You will know when it hits you. I do not need to explain.
Source: http://thelookoutdiary.wordpress.com/2012/08/11/prolongue-a-friendship-before-any-relationship/
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As the new time begins, I'm elated to see that this blog has attracted a collection of very smart commenters at the end (enormously, various of them are "shocking smart," as a friend used to say -- while not about me). Demanding, involved conversations be the owner of perfectly ensued taking part in, some of them across innumerable footnote things. I sometimes be the owner of trouble supervision choice of it all, and participating, let discretely moderating every footnote.
I'm writing this support at the charm of innumerable commenters, who depression that this private footnote filament unspoken lots success to fineness a cut short support. It enormously qualities innumerable. I'll do my best to diminutive what seems to me utmost penalty stress put on, as well as the parts that I perceptive the utmost from (which maneuver that this support is just "my" point elucidate on it -- do engross point out if you can anything I'm engrossed that was judicious, and anything I'm misstating).* I risk you to read the carry out filament, actually having the status of I innocently can't diminutive its various qualities taking part in.
The support that incited the break is about the communal pallid liking to bid greenhorn diagnoses of mental illness, normally as a way of derailing a break of chauvinism (which is also, bigger or less, the part of fromthetropics' late lamented support taking part in). Dated in the major clarification, self-identified black woman Witchsistah sharp out that what I'd been incited to message the support having the status of "someone and their momma" had jumped on me for hush money my own greenhorn projection of authority mental illness in a pallid man, no one had jumped on further commenters (in previously things) for in effect diagnosing her with mental illness:
"All I see is people be the owner of been head-shrinking ME taking part in without documents and no one but me and RVCBard be the owner of alleged BOO to them. But once it happens to a Pasty man someone goes apeshit. Yeah, it may be having the status of they don't want to give racists excuses and passes for their chauvinism or liquefy up chauvinist acts, but very few outside of the earlier and Imhotep who wondered why natives were trying to elucidate our heads off, be the owner of non-negotiable cross to question the headshrinking into Crisscross Black Bitch projection and demob that has happened to me."
On a blog about chauvinism, this was a great and sad dryness. A "group fail," as described by Willow, who went on to message,
"Witchsistah's point is that put on was also a very definite situation of a black woman being pathologized very *explicitly* to delegitimize her experiences, and Nonentity Also Mock OUT.... this was a definite stroll for WP in private, but also non-BW as a collection, to show online that they are in the brawl against chauvinism FOR THE Work OF BLACK WOMEN**... And at this, we inferior."
That seems to me like a teachable flash by, one lesson being that pallid people need to step in once black women, and any POC, are getting religiously and stormily (mis)diagnosed by further pallid people, and to non-negotiable "see" that the (mis)projection is in the sphere of. They penury also challenge that they're bigger likely to step in once pallid people are being (mis)diagnosed, and rather than persecuted (cf. "engrossed pallid woman syndrome"), than they are once that's in the sphere of to non-white people, and that they're acquit yourself so having the status of, ingenuously, at some rough, unexamined level, they plus point black women, and further people of lowlight, less than they do pallid people.
So yes, a teachable flash really. But the conversation at once got non-negotiable bigger tumbling, at token for me, once I gain myself acquit yourself that kind of custom too. The funny sad and finally minute custom is, I "depression" I was acquit yourself the denial.
This close level of startle (again, for pallid natives -- I group that none of this is doesn't matter what new to a lot of people of lowlight) began once Sheila, a self-identified pallid woman, announced her support of Witchsista, along with -- essentially -- an revelation of why she hadn't open it before:
"As for defending or 'not defending Witchsistah, all I be the owner of to say on my own behalf is she seems profoundly well-matched of defending herself taking part in and put on would be zero dead for me to do but arable farm a 'me, additionally wilt on anything smoking cleft is dead once she's by way of."
Sheila's footnote struck a musical tones with me, actually having the status of I depression that image captured well what I too see dead next whilst some of Witchsistah's replies to further commenters. And so, I wrote in a footnote,
"Ha -- In a minute. I've been thinking the incredibly custom taking part in. So, all the same it's unhurried -- I hereby arable farm my "ME TOO!" decoration of amity in Witchsistah's smoking craters."
I won't speak for Sheila, but I felt good about to finish expressing my support for this black woman's oft-derided hard work taking part in.
Minute did I challenge.
Later a pallid (male?) commenter named Lutsen asked Witchsistah what she depression of citizens two responses, she called them "ambiguous," and after that went on to explain,
This inevitable non-defending of BW comes completely from the moral value of BW not being "real" women as in not being seen as elegant, feminine, costly of care, connect with and traverse. We are seen as "mules uh duh worl'" and as rhino-hided, she-beasts completely inadequate of elegant, combination feelings or attention. Basically no one defends us having the status of we can "elucidate it." It also leads to the idea that BW cannot ever be injured (from this comes the view that BW are un-rapeable).
It's obsessive. Utilization that would be seen as retrograde for further women is very soon milestone for BW. So seen and treated as honored, feminine, female and ladylike would be well along once handy to BW.
That seems well developed lots, but, pallid guy that I am (and anything else I am), I still wasn't getting it. I responded defensively to the "ambiguous" wane, and again cutting edge in the filament. I don't mean to make this support all about me and what I did and didn't do in that thread; I also don't want to go on and on taking part in concentration that filament, having the status of I savor that I'm losing readers of an also sluggish support by. I want to diminutive whatever thing lucrative from that filament for well-meaning pallid people.
So, I'll just say that what I came to challenge, actually with the patient help of Witchsistah, RVCBard, Commie Bastard, Lady Dani Mo and others, was that what I depression I was expressing amity with Witchsistah, and with black women and POC bigger largely, by seconding Sheila's footnote, what I was enormously (or, maybe, also) acquit yourself was dipping her to the moral value of an ravenous, fussy, and tart black woman. In that savor, after that, I was acting "pallid."
The custom is -- well, one custom is -- Witchsistah is starkly bigger than that. She's written bigger than lots taking part in for me to group that she's scary-smart, too. And so, amid further blow commenters, is substitute black woman, RVCBard, who has sharp out how she gets time-honored taking part in (and out cold) once she sooner writes in a self-possession, held, it appears that smart (sooner of it appears that tart or ravenous) way -- she normally gets unnoticed. And she truly doesn't get the kind of attention that Witchsistah does once she writes in ways that positive to without delay communal conceptions of the "Crisscross Black Bitch."
So what I'm seeing taking part in, in what I'm certain is a central way, is a reductive, odd set of conceptions and upcoming that gets imposed on black women by well-meaning pallid people (like me). Later they express themselves with any sort of dependence or passion or commitment, or sometimes non-negotiable humor, we commonly see them as either "tart" (once we clash with them) or as "tough" and "strong" and "touch well-matched of defending themselves" (once we traditional with them). In also luggage, we restraint black women to a simple, non-rational, simply compelling cabaret, which blots out the rest of their mercy. Also, I think our liking to deprive their full mercy, actually their senses, has been progress demonstrated taking part in by the family member lack of attention time-honored by RVCBard's... shall we say, less demonstrative? approach. "Equal once she uses that approach to point out pointed what I'm trying to diminutive taking part in."
So, as the title of this support says, pallid people persist in to treat black women like they're made of teflon and adamantium (thank you for symptomatic of non-negotiable that title, RVCBard -- I make real, while, that I haven't non-negotiable addressed the "teflon" part). We also persist in to pay them less attention once they don't act that way. And so... well, I b?te-noir this feeling I've had writing what writing this carry out support, that I'm speaking too other about what black women, and further people of lowlight, be the owner of to go in a straight line. Who am I to say?
So I'm just leave-taking to clout off with words by RVCBard, and after that a few bigger by Witchsistah:
Later Black women talk about their experiences as Black women taking part in at SWPD, people (above Pasty people, but at times further WoC as well), persist in to key with immediate contradictions (commonly telling a lack of true feat with the jovial) or remain frozen.
For me, fully, it would be nice to see bigger clarification make a bigger proactive way in to escort with Black women in a bigger dear way.
How about treating Black women as if we are, first of all, human? Yeah, it goes without saying, but from how we're treated, I'm not unendingly certain people existent guesswork that from fire up street. How about treating Black women like women and not insubordinate children? Another time, it goes without saying, but from what I've seen, I'm not certain if a lot of you very soon net that. How about treating Black women as while our lives are vital to us? Once bigger, it goes without saying, but the things that are part and parcel of I've seen make me question whether you truly understand that.
IMO, put on will be less skin fireworks and a lesser amount of tangled lay aside if bigger people started showing us that they are dynamic from these very basic first concepts.
And to finish, some words that Witchsistah wrote out cold, completely to me, words that I appreciate, like all citizens more and out cold, and words that I'm acquit yourself my best to elucidate to line of reasoning, and mind, and actions:
"We're exact people. You positive to undergo a weighty stumbling obstruct on seeing me and RVCBard AS people. You definitely need to scrutinize the hell out of that."
* I also make real now -- again from clarification in that incredibly filament -- that the "very way" I'm restating in this support some insights uttered by people of lowlight is a communal, and apparently egregious, pallid way of steal part in consideration of chauvinism. As Filthy wrote in that footnote filament, "you see what gets old very soon quickly? Later pallid people parrot back pointed what was alleged to them but preface it with an 'It sounds like...' as if they were the ones who observed whatever thing and came to this discrimination. Never 'Am I perfect in understanding...?'" I believe I've registered in the way I wrote this support that I'm not certain I'm acceptably understanding the conversation that I'm writing about. I started out writing the carry out support in the form of "Am I correct?"-like questions, but I momentous it was becoming sour and unmoving to read.
** Willow's comment says, "all POC, but Witchsistah is right in that BW and, I think, Occupant American women get treated above callously"
Science discovers that fat women abominate exercise:
To the same extent the women viewed the movie, the sturdy M.R.I. point monitored their look out activity. The momentous readouts naked that heavy women's intellect were put off by exercise. Not on descriptions of people being active, these women modern exhaustive foundation in the putamen region of the look out, symptomatic of that they did not value what they were seeing. At the incredibly time, a case of the look out united to therapy with negative emotions lit up far outstanding when they viewed descriptions of emotional than of inactive. Fiercely, the look out scans not compulsory, they planned disliking physical activity noticeably outstanding than they set to avoid inactive.
Leaner women's look out activity, by and large, was the inverse, with the putamen elucidation up when they watched others work out and envisaged work the incredibly themselves.The incredibly approach was used to show that "lots heavy people's intellect worth differently than the intellect of thinner people when they look at descriptions united to eating. In keep on neurological studies, when heavier volunteers viewed movie of fodder or fodder concise, they ordinarily modern enlarged activity in portions of the look out fascinated in payment dealing out, or an plug to like matter, as well as in an universe called the putamen. At the incredibly time, their intellect showed more willingly reduce activity in areas that are kindness to require satiety, or the ability to enlighten when you are full. These changes regularly are on its head in the intellect of thinner people not at home the incredibly descriptions."
In far off words, if you're a young man attracted to a woman whose eyes sharp-witted up at the sight of cake, and who moans at the kindness of exercise, the probability are that she's a to be greasy in the making. Throw in an ballooned mother, and you've significantly noticeably got a precautions that she's goodbye to chub out in the next ten existence.
Now, that's fine if you're a brave guy yourself, or if you leak out to like big beautiful women. But regardless, it's a useful science-based metric for predicting if a young woman is goodbye to feeling up or not.Alpha Chance 2011
Source: dating-for-black-men.blogspot.com
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