On Monday night I was at a bar having a drink with a friend, when I overheard the tail-end of a comment from a group of three girls nearby. I didn't catch any of the first part, but the girl speaking ended whatever it was she was saying with "...but men "definitely" get better-looking with age."It annoys me to no end when I hear this, because - although it is widely accepted - the notion is complete bullshit. It is the same notion that motivates statements such as "I find men better-looking when I learn that they are intelligent" or "a receding hairline makes a man better-looking."On the surface, these statements seem to be acknowledging a difference between men and women - admitting that the attraction triggers for women are different than the attraction triggers for men. And this is undoubtedly true. But this truth only serves to mask a subtle attempt to assert that the sexes are the same.Think about it: the undeniable truth is that men do not get better-looking with age. There is simply no way that (all else being equal) a 40-year-old man looks more healthy and fertile than a 25-year-old man, or that a reasonably good-looking 28-year-old becomes a knockout once he gets crow's feet and his hair starts to thin. Even more telling is the blatant fact that there is no change in a man's appearance when a woman suddenly realizes that he is intelligent (or rich, or famous). The truth is that these things certainly do make a man more attractive, but they decidedly do not make him better-looking.The insistence that a man gets better-looking as he gets older, or hotter because he displays his intelligence, is an attempt to force the female attraction mechanisms into the mold of male attraction mechanisms. In other words, it is an assertion that women are attracted to men in the same way that men are attracted to women - by their looks, rather than by their strength or power. And, in light of the obvious fact that men do not get more healthy-looking or fertile-looking as they age, the only way to do this is to pretend that the symptoms of their power (age, intelligence, etc.) are physically attractive. Saying that a man gets "more attractive" or even "sexier" as he gets older makes perfect sense; but saying that he becomes "better-looking" is absurd - to the point that it immediately betrays its own insincerity.I realize that these kinds of comments are not usually made with the intention of insisting that men and women are the same, or in a conscious attempt to promote feminism. The girl I overheard in the bar was not trying to prove anything political; she was just voicing that fact that she finds herself more attracted to older men. But the "way" that she voiced that fact is riddled by a feminist fallacy, namely, that female sexuality is the same as male sexuality. The problem with this idea isn't that it is feminist, it is that it is wrong. There is a striking difference between male and female sexuality, and ignoring that difference is largely responsible for the anxiety and confusion that so many women in the dating world struggle with. The more we mask the truth with verbal facades like the assertion that "men get better-looking with age," the more we risk perpetuating that anxiety and confusion.So next time you are tempted to say that "men get better looking with age," or that "intelligence makes men better looking," stop and think for a moment about what you actually mean, and say that instead.RELATED POSTS1. Misconceptions2. No, You Aren't a Good Wing Woman3. Where is Feminism Taking Us?4. The Analogy Between Confidence and Beauty
Origin: datingforaverageguys.blogspot.com
Dear Serial, My girlfriend is a smart, pretty, kind, funny, loving and rad woman. She's my best friend and I love her deeply. Only problem (there's always one, right?) is that I'm not attracted to her anymore. I'm also not sure if I'm still in love with her, but I care about her so much and love our friendship that I don't want to break up. Any advice? Anonymous Dear Anonymous, I have so many questions. When you say your girlfriend is smart, pretty, kind and funny, are you, you know, saying "she has a good personality"? Like, does she have a very pretty face? Is she really beautiful on the inside? You know what I'm getting at. Are we looking at a few too many relationship pounds? If so, I sympathize. Not so much with you, but with her. Goddamnitall if it isn't hard not to plump up when you're in a relationship. All that love and acceptance. The joy of cooking for and sharing meals with your honey. But if those pounds have gone from pleasantly plump to too much cushion for the pushin,' it's time for a chat. A loving, kind chat. Though there's really no easy way to go about it. You'll likely hurt her feelings. Try telling her you want to get healthier together. You can use a line like, "And just imagine how well our clothes will fit!" Naturally, you'll mean, "You can finally pull those skinny jeans out of the back of your closet!" But I wouldn't suggest actually saying that line. She might be pissed, but unless she has a really good reason for getting fat, like having a kid, or an injury, it's reasonable to expect she keep in shape for you, just as it's reasonable for her to expect you to take care of yourself. Now, you can't expect her to stay the same size forever, we all get a little bit fatter as we age (and if that rule doesn't apply to you, well you can just go ahead and eat shit), but within reason, it's OK to say, "Let's get to the gym, sweetheart." Now, if it's not that something she can control has changed, but it's just that you don't love her anymore, why are you still with her? For friendship's sake? She probably has enough friends. You're her boyfriend (or girlfriend, I can't tell). If it's just that the spark's not there anymore, have you tried to get it back? Do you care to? There are things that can be done. You know them. Try something new. Go on a trip. Talk about whatever your problems are. But if it's really not happening, why not just dump her? If you're not attracted to her, you're not doing her any favors by sticking with her. She didn't sign up for a friend, did she? She signed up for a more-than-friends situation. Love, Serial Got a question for Serial Monogamist? Want to tell her how full of shit she is? Do it. We dare ya. Send a note to seriallymonogamous[at]gmail[dot]com
Origin: pualib.blogspot.com
Get back with your exThere can be many different family dynamics in marriage that occur. Often, the ones you are dealing with can be causing a lot of tension and stress. To get to the heart of all the negative issues that plague your marriage, you may need a little more help. Finding a professional who can walk you through it might be a very good idea. It's a rare individual who can look at themselves and see all of their flaws. It takes and even more unique individual to actually admit to those flaws even if they have noticed them. When you put two flawed people together with these traits into a marriage, well, yeah the sparks will fly!The first step you have to do if you want a clear picture of the family dynamics in marriage is to take a step back and try to see your marriage as clearly and with as unbiased of an eye as possible. It might be hard for you to do but it will be easy for your friends, family or a therapist to do. Click to get your ex backThey aren't emotionally invested and they aren't worried about being the one who is "wrong". They can see things far more clearly than you will be able to see them. Of course, family and friends will be reluctant to tell you the truth because they won't want to hurt you or lose your friendship by making you mad. So, it's probably best to find a good therapist, they have nothing to lose so you know they will be honest. Finding the unhealthy dynamics in your family is just step one, the next step will be to get all parties involved on the same page. Trying to get more than one person who is willing to face their own flaws and actively make changes is challenging, to say the least. Most people simply aren't strong enough to be willing to face their flaws let alone actually make strides to change the. Trying to get two or more to do it is close to impossible. Still, it is worth a shot. The depth of the issues and the depth of the love are two very important factors that will help determine how likely you are to succeed in each making some needed changes. If one partner just doesn't care that much, or is just too selfish and immature, and won't try, it will be pretty close to impossible to make any real changes and make the dynamics of the family any better. Whatever the dynamics of your family are, you should always try to make improvements if you aren't happy with the way things are. No one knows whether it will fail or succeed but if you aren't happy right now, you really don't have anything to lose, do you?Family dynamics in marriage has many sides and can be quite convoluted. For that reason finding a professional who has experience in these issues will go a long way to helping your family find the peace and stability you all really want.6 tips to help your ex to fall back in love with youHow to get Your Wife Back After a Breakup or Divorce
Origin: anita-pickup.blogspot.com
Ok so thrers thsi girl at my studious and im a good looking guy woth a great dint of humor and persuaded msot of the times... I include never actually talked to her but find her actually attractiv.. ladies what would u spill the beans me too do?I like this girl and need some advice...?
do u include classes with her? if u do then just hold up a friendly conversation and talk to her anytime posible but not enthusiastically so that she gets the hint that ur interested. flirt a muted too. and then if she tries to talk to u and blushes when u talk to her ask her out sometime. if u include a good dint of humore then us it to ur add and make her laugh. all girls like a guy that can make them laugh. moreover if u think shes attractive then make uniform her. not ';ur so hot'; but specified baggage. and when u get the trait tell her shes beautiful and not ';hot'; dont slash into baggage too hastily if u havent ever talked to her in tho. itll freak her out.I like this girl and need some advice...?
try talking to her first then when you get to narrate each future better then ask her out
you can put it on to bunp into her and it my establish a conversatoin for you two
i wish you the best
Emergence by introducing yourself and let her narrate who you are and bank on that you run into alot. Be nice and be a friend. * work cassette
Dust Shell DESCRIPTION:"In the least genesis, A wakes in a new to the job person's body, a new to the job person's life. There's never any distress signal about wherever it will be or who it will be. A has made silence with that, identical gel guidelines by which to live: Never get too attached. Get away being noticed. Do not interrupt.It's all fine until the genesis that A wakes up in the body of Justin and meets Justin's girlfriend, Rhiannon. From that moment, the rules by which A has been living no longer wield. So totally A has produce person he wants to be with - day in, day out, day formerly day."CHARACTERS: I'm very considerably a David Levithan fangirl. In fact, I'd say that he's most likely my third or fourth favourite author ever. I've been in love with his writing and relationship narratives ever like I read "Gash and Norah's Enormous Playlist" singular go ago. To this day, I likewise reduce his @loversdiction chirrup supply to see what a little teasers he's in black and white for the crisp. My fancy for Levithan is what made "In the least Day "so disturbing, extremely in regards to its characters.I hardly salutation to like A. They may well power such an scandalous pitch on comings and goings, like they haven't been able to dependably heal with character by way of their life. Because all their experiences endure during the context of one day, I was old-fashioned to see how Levithan would consider the coming socialization issues and psychological problems that would leave behind for an individual if they never manufacturing real attachments.Allay, that's not hardly wherever the story led. A is far very tolerable. They reminded me of a lot of first person narrators who try and fail to be persistence. So A spends so considerably time trying to modify to childhood common lives, they don't power too considerably of a vocalize of their own. As for what truly peeks for the period of of A's personality isn't all that charming. Exceedingly previously A begins to become tangled with Rhiannon and often screws up childhood common lives in order to great their desires. Secure, I understand intellectually that A has a right to their own life and identity, but it was difficult execution A last childhood common bodies and think in short supply of the coming penalty. It was hard for me to like person who trespasses on childhood common boundaries on a regulate delve, identical as they didn't poverty to. I think I may power had an easier time with A's all-consuming delusion to convey with Rhiannon if her character was very scandalous. The day that makes A fall in love with her is slightly frayed my well-read principles, and Rhiannon isn't gorgeous or fresh copiousness to make me understand A's connection to her. It didn't help matters that A seems obsessed with demonizing Justin and believes they acknowledge Rhiannon's wants better than she herself does. This being whispered, some of Levithan's trickery comes back previously explaining guaranteed characters. From the contest of a girl with depression to the love story between a transboy and his girlfriend, schedule the moments were few and far between, I did get glimmers of the intimacy and accuracy that I've come to dream from Levithan's work.Even with, one of the interpretations of A's hosts made me exact crazy. When A possesses the body of a fat boy, - the only fat person we notice about in the sum crisp - A describes him as lazy, ridiculous, and stupid for eating so considerably. I dream so considerably very from Levithan in this citizens, and the fat-shaming present in this crisp was revoltingly not anyhow with me. 2 AND A Short Vegetation. WRITING: Levithan is by and large serious at writing beautiful lines, but a lot of the lessons present in this crisp felt be next to to me. I will say that "In the least Day "does do an exceptional job of crafting a memorable teenage romance (which sounds slightly odd in the context of the supposition, I acknowledge, but trust me). It's just that I'm not remarkable in that story. Display are span moments in "In the least Day", but they're few and far between. 3 Vegetation. PLOT: I don't need all of my nirvana to hoof marks total logic. I wasn't expecting "In the least Day "to hardly explain the laws of its world, extremely like it's easy to row that A's experience is allegory for person who's genderqueer. Allay, the aggression felt sunny and it never led to real trepidation or meeting. On the childhood member of staff, near were elements of the pacing that were well entire, such the progression of Rhiannon's feelings. 2 AND A Short Vegetation. END: This redeemed A for me a bit, and it was in the same way delectably in black and white. My unsophisticated issue with it is that A in the manner of again expects people to discharge duty in the demeanor they want. 4 Vegetation. Dust Shell DESCRIPTION: It's amend and it has a good hook, but I'm not a fan of the misgendering. 3 AND A Short Vegetation. COVER: I hardly like the system of the writing, gas, and snowy line. The boy and girl falling from the sky seems misleading and false to me, as. 2 AND A Short Vegetation. OVERALL: I still venerate Levithan's work, but this one just didn't do it for me. If it had tried to move toward the issue of gender rudeness in a hand over way, I most likely would power loved it. Terribly, neither the characters nor the writing resonated with me. 3 Vegetation.
Last week, stuck for ideas for upcoming blog posts, I put out the call for questions from fans. I got this one from poet Eileen Sullivan:
"In what ways do you think you nurtured your creativity as a child, wittingly or not? What remains of that life in your and your work? And in what ways do you seek to encourage and nurture creativity in your kids? How does this link with that open mind of play and childhood inform your writing and life today?"
Thanks, Eileen. I love simple questions.
I grew up in a town of 300 people, 200 of whom were related to me. That limits your dating options, if nothing else (or it certainly "should)." The street we lived on was finally paved when I was in junior high school. When I turned fourteen, some kids up the street burned down the school, which in hindsight was the death knell for a town that had literally nothing else going for it. So it wasn't exactly a hotbed of the arts.
As a kid in this town who wore glasses (the big, thick plastic kind that were all the rage in the Seventies), liked to read, saw no particular reason to kill small animals and (lest I slight the importance of this) "liked to read," I never really fit in with the good ol' boy culture around me. But I was always, for lack of a better term, "creative." I loved to draw. I loved listening to music (learning to play was never a real option). And for some inexplicable reason, reading led me to attempt writing.
Was I nurtured in this? Technically yes, I suppose. I wasn't actively discouraged, at least. But there was nothing like the communities you can find online now, so I worked in isolation, encouraged by a couple of teachers and benignly tolerated by my family. I have no idea why I felt so driven to create, and to this day the origin of it confuses me as much as it did my parents. But I did get one thing out of it that's stuck with me to this day: I'm self-motivated. I don't need encouragement, although it's certainly appreciated. But either way, I'll write.
See? Either way. Like I said.
Now that I'm a father, particularly of boys, I'm aware of the danger of both not encouraging them, and over-encouraging. As I said above, I used to love to draw, and can still sketch a mean T-Rex. But I had a relative who, when she saw my interest, took it upon herself to turn me into an "artist." What actually happened was that she killed any fun I'd gotten from art, and made it so that I never wanted to draw again.
This is someone drawing because it's fun.
So I'm very careful not to impose my desires on the boys. My oldest takes martial arts and theatrical acting classes; my youngest likes to build his own elaborate Lego spaceships. When they ask for my help, I try to do it in a way that lets them learn how to help themselves next time.
Mellowin' like Hendrix (see, he's playing left-handed).
I suppose I am still tapped into that childhood well of creativity. Then again, who says creativity is a child-like quality? Our culture thinks of it that way, but I look at it as a job: I punch an unofficial clock every day, and management expects me to be creative. So I have to bring my "A" game, except it's not a game. As John Ford said, it's a job of work.
Hope that answers your question, Eileen. Thanks for asking!
Source: dating-coach-anita.blogspot.com
"To Have or To Be" (1976) was Erich Fromm's last major work. In it he argues that two ways of existence were competing for 'the spirit of mankind' - having and being. The having mode looks to things and material possessions and is based on aggression and greed. The being mode is rooted in love and is concerned with shared experience and productive activity. The dominance of the having mode (as he argued in "The Anatomy of Human Destructiveness") was bringing the world to the edge of disaster (ecological, social and psychological). Erich Fromm argued that only a fundamental change in human character 'from a preponderance of the having mode to a preponderance of the being mode of existence can save us from a psychological and economic catastrophe' (1976: 165) Now one of my favourite TV characters quoted this recently and then the London riots started! I was going to write a blog post before the riots and they many people have been writing articles, posts comments. Well I'll still write mine.Erich Fromm was a German philosopher and sometimes I think NLP is a bit like philosophy or philosophy is a bit like NLP. So many people believe NLP is only about techniques for stopping something or 'curing' something, that it's just a trail of techniques.Mmm NLP is about language and how we use language s0 for example had I just written 'it's about language and we use 'it', you could ask yourself what is 'it' what does that word 'it' mean, what have I deleted in that sentence and you could be thinking about something else at the time I utter the sentence and all kinds of things might happen in your mind and we might have an argument, a misunderstanding because I haven't been clear about what I'm saying. That's kind of philosophising;)So NLP is a handy way (or methodology) for asking useful questions or being clear about what we are saying and how we are saying what we are saying. So NLP really is in the being mode, rooted in love and concerned with shared experience and productive activity, not as some parts of NLP are portrayed in things and material possessions. Although we can use NLP strategies and thinking to gain things and material possessions, whilst at the same time being mindful of other people and how we affect them, mindful of knowing what others are thinking, considering others.I think, 'personal opinion alert here'; that a great many people who now spend their time in social isolation from other people and thus do not have the social skills and graces, we once took for granted, who expect everything to be instant (as in messaging etc.) are; largely due to the fact that they are isolated from human contact that does not have a phone, a tablet PC, a laptop, a video player etc.; I think that not only do we find it difficult to communicate with other people, to check out if we are in rapport, if we are being sensitive to others needs, I think that we lack self esteem and/or confidence. And we assume that we will be confident with the right brand of whatever it is, if we have the right size TV (whatever that is). All kinds of social media constantly bombard us with adverts for other things, things we do not have, we can either go into overwhelm and shut ourselves away or we can believe we will e a better person if we have all this things, these accoutrements of celebrity.NLP helps with the whole meaning, not just the words, it helps us to understand how to say things and what to say, it helps us to have confidence and it helps us to ask for our needs and to understand at times when these needs are not met, that the other person might not be listening, that we might need to change how we said it, that we might need to go away and try again.To understand a little more about how people sometimes do strange things when in a crowd or group there is a great novel The Wave, in 2008 this novel was made into a very powerful film in Germany make some time to watch this film, it will give you insights into how easy it is for people to get carried away and the consequences.Try a little NLP for self-esteem, confidence building, goal setting and so much more visit us here Make a plan, know that all the best laid plans will be beset by obstacles and if there is one pick yourself up, dust yourself down and start all over again.
