To Have Or To Be

"To Have or To Be" (1976) was Erich Fromm's last major work. In it he argues that two ways of existence were competing for 'the spirit of mankind' - having and being. The having mode looks to things and material possessions and is based on aggression and greed. The being mode is rooted in love and is concerned with shared experience and productive activity. The dominance of the having mode (as he argued in "The Anatomy of Human Destructiveness") was bringing the world to the edge of disaster (ecological, social and psychological). Erich Fromm argued that only a fundamental change in human character 'from a preponderance of the having mode to a preponderance of the being mode of existence can save us from a psychological and economic catastrophe' (1976: 165) Now one of my favourite TV characters quoted this recently and then the London riots started! I was going to write a blog post before the riots and they many people have been writing articles, posts comments. Well I'll still write mine.Erich Fromm was a German philosopher and sometimes I think NLP is a bit like philosophy or philosophy is a bit like NLP. So many people believe NLP is only about techniques for stopping something or 'curing' something, that it's just a trail of techniques.Mmm NLP is about language and how we use language s0 for example had I just written 'it's about language and we use 'it', you could ask yourself what is 'it' what does that word 'it' mean, what have I deleted in that sentence and you could be thinking about something else at the time I utter the sentence and all kinds of things might happen in your mind and we might have an argument, a misunderstanding because I haven't been clear about what I'm saying. That's kind of philosophising;)So NLP is a handy way (or methodology) for asking useful questions or being clear about what we are saying and how we are saying what we are saying. So NLP really is in the being mode, rooted in love and concerned with shared experience and productive activity, not as some parts of NLP are portrayed in things and material possessions. Although we can use NLP strategies and thinking to gain things and material possessions, whilst at the same time being mindful of other people and how we affect them, mindful of knowing what others are thinking, considering others.I think, 'personal opinion alert here'; that a great many people who now spend their time in social isolation from other people and thus do not have the social skills and graces, we once took for granted, who expect everything to be instant (as in messaging etc.) are; largely due to the fact that they are isolated from human contact that does not have a phone, a tablet PC, a laptop, a video player etc.; I think that not only do we find it difficult to communicate with other people, to check out if we are in rapport, if we are being sensitive to others needs, I think that we lack self esteem and/or confidence. And we assume that we will be confident with the right brand of whatever it is, if we have the right size TV (whatever that is). All kinds of social media constantly bombard us with adverts for other things, things we do not have, we can either go into overwhelm and shut ourselves away or we can believe we will e a better person if we have all this things, these accoutrements of celebrity.NLP helps with the whole meaning, not just the words, it helps us to understand how to say things and what to say, it helps us to have confidence and it helps us to ask for our needs and to understand at times when these needs are not met, that the other person might not be listening, that we might need to change how we said it, that we might need to go away and try again.To understand a little more about how people sometimes do strange things when in a crowd or group there is a great novel The Wave, in 2008 this novel was made into a very powerful film in Germany make some time to watch this film, it will give you insights into how easy it is for people to get carried away and the consequences.Try a little NLP for self-esteem, confidence building, goal setting and so much more visit us here Make a plan, know that all the best laid plans will be beset by obstacles and if there is one pick yourself up, dust yourself down and start all over again.