Do you ever hear statements like this from your spouse on Monday morning?
"Oh Lord help me, it can't be Monday again, already?"
"Someday I'll get some rest, I hope."
"Just 22 years, 4 months and 3 days till retirement. Will I ever make it?"
The first Monday in September is observed as Labor Day. This is the last long weekend of summer and the signal of school beginning for many across our country. This holiday commemorated to remember the accomplishments of working people in the USA poses an opportunity for husbands and wives everywhere. It is an opportunity to say, "Thanks." Thanks to our spouses for the dutiful and faithful commitment they display day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year, to jobs providing an income for the marriage and family. A spouse may be in the best position to know what it costs their husband or wife physically, mentally, and emotionally to be productive out in the world so there is a home, food on the table, and cars to drive. The benefits of simple hard work are too easily dismissed, and in a marriage the benefits provided by each spouse's work can easily be taken for granted.
Many married people, men and women, consider their work and the income it provides for their spouse and family as an expression of their love and commitment. How sad for this to go unnoticed. When was the last time you told your spouse how much you appreciated the responsibility and commitment they display through providing for you and the family. For some this may be a very sore spot in the relationship. Men and women have expectations of themselves and one another regarding how significant a contribution each should make to a household income. Add to these expectations are the seemingly never ending conflicts about how the income generated by each spouse should be spent.
Is it possible in all our wrestling with each other about money and how it is used we fail to appreciate the sacrifice and diligence expressed by our spouse in their being faithful to their job? What about those individuals who are faithful to a job that is not particularly fulfilling personally but they remain committed because the income provides well for a marriage and family. In all our promotion and celebration of finding purposeful and personally fulfilling employment do we fail to appreciate those who work simply to provide for their families first, putting their own personal fulfillment secondary to providing a home and lifestyle for spouse and children. Shouldn't it count that a mother or father works dutifully day after day, sometimes working overtime so that the family can enjoy a comfortable lifestyle? Somehow these sacrifices go unnoticed and unappreciated.
To be sure working to provide for an ever increasing consumerist lifestyle at some point sacrifices the integrity of family relationships. The possession of things and status can wind up replacing relationship values. But, there is a point where every husband and wife must establish, "This is what we must do to achieve and maintain the lifestyle we have set for ourselves." To complicate matters the lifestyle goals we set for ourselves seem to always be growing in expense. Inflation, market fluctuations for goods and services, trends in values of property and other investments, all seem to make, "what it takes to make it" always changing. For many, never mind improving lifestyle, just maintaining lifestyle seems a constant battle.
These challenges are met every day by husbands and wives who love each other and their children. Labor Day can be an occasion to turn to ones mate and somehow say, "Thanks." Comments like, "I know you had to give up some fun stuff these last few months so we could catch up on some bills. I want you to know I really appreciate it." Or, "You work so hard between your job, the stuff around the house and what I and the kids ask for. I know we wouldn't have what we have if you didn't hang in there every day with your job."
So, how about it? If you're reading this and an idea drops in your head to tell your spouse how much you appreciate their "Labor" this Labor Day. Go ahead, tell them. You might just create a moment that makes it all worth while.
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FDMM (Free Downloads Music And Movie ) - ALEJANDRO LYRICS LADY GAGA
I know that we are young
And I know that you may love me
But I just can't be with you like this anymore
Alejandro
She's got both hands
In her pocket
And she won't look at you (won't look at you)
She hides true love
En su bolsillo
She's got a halo around her finger
Around you
You know that I love you boy
Hot like Mexico
Rejoice
At this point I've gotta choose
Nothing to lose
Don't call my name
Don't call my name
Alejandro
I'm not your babe
I'm not your babe
Fernando
Don't wanna kiss
Don't wanna touch
Just smoke my cigarette, hush
Don't call my name
Don't call my name
Roberto
Alejandro
Alejandro
Ale-Alejandro
Ale-Alejandro
Stop
Please, just let me go
Alejandro
Just let me go
She's not broken
She's just a baby
But her boyfriend's like her dad
Just like a dad
And all those flames that
Burned before him
Now he's gotta firefight
Gotta cool the bad
You know that I love you boy
Hot like Mexico
Rejoice
At this point I've gotta choose
Nothing to lose
Don't call my name
Don't call my name
Alejandro
I'm not your babe
I'm not your babe
Fernando
Don't wanna kiss
Don't wanna touch
Just smoke my cigarette, hush
Don't call my name
Don't call my name
Roberto
Alejandro
Alejandro
Ale-Alejandro
Ale-Alejandro
Don't bother me
Don't bother me
Al-e-jan-dro
Don't call my name
Don't call my name
Bye Fernando
I'm not your babe
I'm not your babe
Alejandro
Don't wanna kiss
Don't wanna touch
Fernando
Don't call my name
Don't call my name
Alejandro
I'm not your babe
I'm not your babe
Fernando
Don't wanna kiss
Don't wanna touch
Just smoke my cigarette, hush
Don't call my name
Don't call my name
Roberto
[2x]
Alejandro
Alejandro
Ale-Alejandro
Ale-Alejandro
[Simultaneously - 2x]
Don't call my name Alejandro
Don't call my name Alejandro
Alejandro
I'm not your babe Ale-Alejandro
I'm not your babe Ale-Alejandro
Fernando
Don't wanna kiss Alejandro
Don't wanna touch Alejandro
Just smoke my cigarette and hush
Don't call my name Ale-Alejandro
Don't call my name Ale-Alejandro
Roberto
Alejandro
Alejandro
Ale-Alejandro
Ale-Alejandro
[Simultaneously]
Don't call my name Alejandro
Don't call my name Alejandro
Alejandro
I'm not your babe Ale-Alejandro
I'm not your babe Ale-Alejandro
Fernando
Don't wanna kiss Alejandro
Don't wanna touch Alejandro
Just smoke my cigarette and hush
Don't call my name Ale-Alejandro
Don't call my name Ale-Alejandro
Roberto
[6x]
Alejandro
Alejandro
Ale-Alejandro
Ale-Alejandro
[Simultaneously]
Don't call my name Alejandro
Don't call my name Alejandro
Alejandro
I'm not your babe Ale-Alejandro
I'm not your babe Ale-Alejandro
Fernando
Don't wanna kiss Alejandro
Don't wanna touch Alejandro
Just smoke my cigarette and hush
Don't call my name Ale-Alejandro
Don't call my name Ale-Alejandro
Roberto
Alejandro
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Enjoy For Review Say Peace Love Unity Respect
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MUST READ! (And you know I use those words VERY sparingly!) When women say they have a "rape fantasy," they are not being literal. They're talking about a show of confidence and decisiveness, not brutality and cruelty. Find out exactly what they really mean by reading on...
Today is a great day. I stopped a reader from ruining his marriage and his life, and I may be about to stop somebody else by sharing his letter and my response. Meet Gf:
Hi David,
I got your book, and things are really coming together fast. I had apparently become pretty boring without realizing it, and now that I'm back to being me, my wife is back to being her old self too, and it's like you say, the honeymoon is back on. We've gone from once every time the seasons change to almost every night and sometimes during the day.
I've even overheard her telling her girlfriends about what's happening and she's trying to play it off to me like it's not that big of a deal and teasing me to keep the pressure on, but when she talks to them and tells them about stuff I'm doing and stuff we're doing, she giggles like a school girl. I walked in on her yesterday while she was talking to one of them and she was talking about what happened in the bedroom the night before and blushed and hung up in a hurry and ran out of the room laughing!
Overhearing her phone conversations is the reason I'm writing to you. I overheard her say something a few days ago about things are getting so hot she's having "rape fantasies." That makes me uncomfortable to think about, but if she really wants to try it I guess I'm willing. What do you think? I mean, is this something I should do for her, or is this some sign that she has a problem?
Thanks, and have a good one,
Gf
Congratulations, Gf! I just love hearing success stories like this. As for your wife's fantasy, we need to talk, and fast!
Repeat after me and commit this to memory: NO MENTALLY HEALTHY WOMAN EVER HAS A TRUE RAPE FANTASY! Rape is violent, traumatic, and often damages women for life. It is not about sex, but about subjugation, terror, control, and abuse. It causes some women to do things like never want sex, never allow their husbands to see them undressed, fall into suicidal depression, become so paranoid they can't leave the house or sleep in the dark, etc. She's talking about something else, and you and every other man needs to know what that is, so here goes, straight from the mouths of women:
Women want to be desired, led, and ultimately taken by a strong, confident man who doesn't ask permission to initiate sex, but loves and respects them enough to honor the word "no" when they hear it and recognize it as being spoken in earnest. A great example is the scene in "The Fountainhead" where Gary Cooper goes to visit Patricia Neal in her apartment. She wants him terribly, and has gone to great lengths to make him know that she wants him, but she still resists because she wants him to "take" her, to hold her tightly, kiss her passionately, and take her where she's craving to go, emotional heights of sexual bliss previously unreached! Understand above all that she fights him off to see how much he wants her, and feel the rush of him winning, and she wants him desperately. She runs away because she wants, or even NEEDS to be caught, to feel the rush of passion and of being wanted.
This is what a woman refers to when she speaks of a rape fantasy, the feeling of a man being in charge and taking her where she wants to go, confidently, expertly, without asking permission; she may resist a bit just to get you to be more aggressive, but it's not to have you beating her or calling her demeaning names, but rather just to get you to take her more intensely. It's a "sweep her off her feet" maneuver, not a "violate her and leave her emotionally ruined for all time" maneuver. They refer to it as a rape fantasy because once in a great while, in sharp contrast to their normal desire to be ramped up through a lot of talk, caressing, foreplay, advancing and withdrawing, it's exhilarating for them to be taken to an aroused state through naughty play and seeing their man doing manly things to the extent that they're wanting him, and then to just have him do something like walk in the house, pick her up, and carry her to the bed and ravish her without ever slowing down, shockingly and decisively, or to swiftly, hungrily, but playfully wrestle her to the couch, floor, kitchen counter, etc., and just go for it, hell-bent for glory and orgasm.
Things like firm-but-not-cruelly-painful pulling of her hair, spanking her behind firmly but not abusively (it's much more about the sound of a spanking than the stinging for most women, and if you can cause a loud smacking noise without causing pain, you're a master), wrestling and struggling a bit as you maneuver for position, etc., can be exhilarating for her and add to the sexual tension greatly if she's into it, but the true essence of rape, the sadistic beating and threatening designed to humiliate, terrorize and subjugate, are not healthy, and not what she's looking for if she's healthy.
This is something you do only occasionally, and only when you can tell that she's already amped up and you've been keeping her mind on naughty thoughts through the day. It's done for the shocking thrill of pure, raw, carnal abandon, not when she's had a bad day fighting with the kids, people at school or work, sitting with a loved one in a hospital, etc. If you encounter genuine resistance of any kind, this isn't the time to be doing this; indeed, if she's sufficiently aroused for this to be a good time for something like this, she may even be tearing at your clothes and clawing at your skin at the same time she's saying, "stop." The distinguishing factor is the heat; there will be very little if any foreplay, because she's already amped up, is aching to have you inside her, and will aggressively be trying to make you erect and get you inside her as soon as possible. By all means, in this scenario, OBLIGE HER!
It's about a show of confidence and desire, not a show of force or brutality. It's about the man showing that he doesn't fear his or her feelings or desires, or her rejection, and knowing, while seeing and feeling this powerful behavior, that if something weren't right and she were to say, "No," or tell him to stop in earnest, that he would do so, not because he's weak, but because he's in charge, not desperate; respectful and loving, not demeaning and abusive. This kind of action is a celebration of primal, carnal sexuality for both of you, not some "putting her in her place" maneuver intended to demean and subjugate.
If you really want to go to extremes, then at least establish some sort of safety signal that she can invoke so that you know that her resistance isn't just part of the fantasy, such as the words "red light" or "too far," which will allow her to say things like "stop" and "don't" as part of her fantasy but still provide you a way of knowing that you're going too far, being too rough, etc. One thing that you never, ever want to do is find yourself in a position of wanting to apologize for something after sex. But, as with most things concerning women, a little genuine communication goes a long, long way to keeping things on the right path.
As you can see, women often speak their desires, but even when they do choose to speak directly to us about them, which may be more often than you think, they don't do it in language that we readily understand. They never state the obvious. When they say they want a "sensitive" man, they don't mean sensitive instead of manly, they mean in addition to manly. When they say they have a "rape" fantasy, they mean they want to be taken swiftly and hungrily, not beaten to a pulp, verbally abused, scared to death, and then disrespectfully desecrated. But how are you supposed to know this?
You won't, unless you learn to speak "girly-ese" as I and the many readers of "THE Man's Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage" have done successfully. There is a lot of instruction happening right now on our forum, http://forum.makingherhappy.com, were women are currently describing to men what all those signals are that we always miss and they always get so upset about, and a lot of other things they want. It's only one facet of the communications gap, but it's a biggie, and it's a great place to start.
Effective communications or the lack ther can make or break a relationship just as surely as being well- or poorly-matched, or sexually attracted or sexually bored. Luckily for you, all of the above are discussed at length in this truly amazing book, and by the end of it you too will be a master of happy relationships. Download your copy now at http://www.makingherhappy.com, before you cross some invisible line that lands you in crisis counseling or divorce court, or if you already have, because it will get you out of trouble and keep you out if you just read it and use it.
In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham "Being a man is something to which one should aspire, not something for which he should apologize." --David Cunningham
A vintage Valentine from 1905 for all citizens single ladies who are making a point of exuberantly loving their lives on Facebook today:
As for the single men, today is your day! Can't you hint the entertainment all series you in the air? The first situation you should do today is make a suspect at a great dining hall that you in particular like. And for example the first girl who interests you laments that she doesn't maintain a date or a boyfriend, tell her that you'll connect her out tonight. If she doesn't fair, (and she in general will), as well as line with the taking into consideration one to come scheduled. Equal if you're routinely a frail gamma, you'll look like a rasp player and it's be contiguous that for example the ma^itre d' escorts you to your table, she'll give you a funny look and ask if this is whatever thing you do every day.
Do NOT give her a undo comeback. Birthright smile and tell her that she gravely should try a special tray. Don't try to impress her, just allay and retain yourself, let the nightfall come to you. Specify a moral flask of red wine. If oblivion comes of it, that's fine. It's just a good devour with a drinkable wine and a beautiful woman, what is not to like about it?
And for example people honor you on being a cute couple, don't earn them out. Mission ridiculous deceit. Mission them it's your fourth anniversary. Mission them you just got active. Mission them she only has six months to live but tonight you're celebrating life. She'll be all together scared and trying not to prick out pleased.
Keep it light, keep it fun, and the first date won't be the bear up one. Alpha Venture 2011
Source: young-pickup-artist.blogspot.com
