That's a line I've heard in several movies and it really is the basis for everything we do in life!
But I guess the question is what is the thing?
Well, that's the million dollar question and it all comes down to values.
Values in NLP we define as those things that are most important to us - the things we are willing to invest our time, resources and energy into either having or avoiding.
At the end of the day, we're only going to invest our energy or resources into the really important things in our lives.
At which point, w really common response is, well how come I'm not happy with my life at the moment then - I mean i spend loads of time at a job that I really hate!
Well, that's because our 'real' values are largely unconscious.
A lot of people say they want freedom, or happiness or mention some other value as being most important to them, but at the end of the day don't put any effort into getting it.
The thing they say they want is more of an idle dream, but it's not something they're actively pursuing every day.
Instead the response is often something like 'sure I want that, but at the end of the day I've got to pay the bills - I mean my job isn't important to me but I HAVE to do it!'
Well, in that case although they say happiness, or some other 'ideal' value is what is most important to them, in fact something like security is probably driving them at a higher level, or else they wouldn't stay in a job they hate.
You see, there's a difference between 'ideals' and 'values' and they often get mixed up - in fact even on an NLP training they are often confused and taught incorrectly.
But the distinction is key, because values are what is driving your behavior right now.
Our values are largely unconscious and at the core are emotional drivers to our behavior.
The real way to measure your values is to log how much time, energy, resources (money etc) you spend each day on all the different things you do.
When you compare your results with what you think are the most important things to you in life, you might get a shock - because most people find they're not actually spending that long on those things they would like to think are most important to them!
Our 'ideal' are those consciously formed things that we like to think drive our behavior.
And they are useful too - because when we compare them with our real values that drive our behavior we can start to see when we are off track in our life and maybe need to make some adjustments.
Our values develop without us consciously creating them - right from birth we start to learn values in the context of our family, friends, relationships, the media, religious education, schooling, economy, politics - in fact the potential source of our development of our values is limitless.
We don't create them directly ourselves...
But we can work at changing them - and that's a major part of what we do on our NLP Master Practitioner training - we spend a couple of days eliciting values, aligning them and changing them if we need to.
And that's no small thing - past student of mine have had astounding results after they changed their values.
I've known people double the turnover of their business within a year as a result of these sort of shifts.
I've known people create the relationship of their dreams after aligning their values about relationships.
It's really powerful stuff.
And the place to get started is with the NLP Practitioner training - we have our next NLP Practitioner training in Islington, London between March 20 - 26.
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