A few years ago, a colleague told me over lunch that he really disliked spending his weekend with his girlfriend. He said it was like clockwork. He would be thoroughly enjoying his week at work, but when the weekend wound down on Friday afternoon, he felt an overwhelming dread because it was nearing time to fulfill his boyfriend duty by spending the weekend with her. She would show up at his door on Friday night, and it was implied that she stay until Sunday afternoon. He said it was grating him more and more every week because she would never want to do the things he wanted to, so they would end up just sitting around like lumps. He said he would be happy again on Sunday night.
After telling me that he couldn't see the relationship going anywhere, I immediately asked him why he hasn't already left. He responded by telling me that she was going through some pretty tough times with her mother being deported and that she doesn't have many friends to lean on. He didn't feel right in ending the relationship when it seemed she had nowhere to turn.
I thought to myself, say what? Let me get this straightYou purposefully lie to this girl with your actions by pretending to enjoy her company every weekend, but secretly you hate every moment of it. And you are willing to let her go on thinking that you enjoy her company by letting her come over and spend a couple of nights with you every week. And what's it all for? Because she's going through some "rough times" in her life so you don't want to cause any more trouble for her.
Now if that ain't a case of not-wanting-to-look-like-a-jerk-but-actually-are-one, I don't know what is. I don't know about you, but most people prefer your sincerity over being manipulated into thinking you're a good guy. If that poor girl knew her boyfriend dreaded spending every weekend with her, would she happily be on his doorstep every Friday? Or even spend a second in his house? Probably not, unless she was a real inconsiderate, self-centered bitch. So what right does this jerk have in thinking that he knows best for her by not revealing his true feelings about her? If you give people a chance to show their resilience, they will rise to the challenge. Don't stump someone's growth by feeding them a false sense of security.
There's probably a lot more to my colleague's situation than was revealed to me over lunch, but I'm pretty sure he was headed down a path that involved lots of lying and lots of bitter feelings in the end. Bad guy, shmad guyif you're in this situation, you should really look at what is motivating you to stay in a dead end relationship. Is it really consideration for the other person, or is it your insecurity of what other people will think of you? Consideration for the other person means that you want him or her to find the opportunities of a happy life based on truth, not stay stuck with someone who is more worried about what others thinkGrow some balls for Pete's sake!
Reference: dominant-male.blogspot.com
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