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Dating Advice For Men
Fortunately that is not the case. When women give compliance tests they really do want you to pass them. It is their way of filtering out a truly confident attractive guy from the rest. It may sound strange but beautiful women honestly cant just look at a guy an say "hes good looking therefore hes attractive." They need much more because they are approached by so many different types of guys. A really attractive girl will get hit on 10-15 times A DAY....
Reference: relationships-rescue.blogspot.com
Dear Diva Rebecca,
I have been married for 24 years and cucked for ten. She started dating a few years after I had a motorcycle accident that left me paraplegic and unable to get an erection. I've since found sites that describe what I am..... a CUCK. My wife understands that I enjoy her having sex with other men and getting to clean her orally when she returns home. The problem is that she does not want me to watch her having sex. I do get to listen to her when she is home. I usually stay in bed after she gets home with her date and they play in the living room. Hearing her moans turn me on greatly. And waiting for her to come to bed to feed me is truly a great turn-on to me. Do you think that there is a chance that I could watch her with these men? If so how? I've asked her but she tells me that she is too shy.
Sincerely,
The Cuckold,
Huntington, West Virginia
Dear Cuckold,
Very interesting. I enjoyed your "matter of fact" way of relating your unusual problem. For the readers who do not knows what a "cuck" is, it comes from the word "Cuckold". By definition, a cuckold used to be what a man was referred to as when he had a cheating wife. Nowadays, a cuck refers to a man who is sexually aroused by having his wife enter the beds of other men.
There are many couples that enjoy this sort of sexual behavior. However, there is one big difference. Most men who enjoy being the cuck, and the women who indulge in this behavior, do so out of choice. But in your situation, you and your wife have come to this arrangement out of necessity. She needs and/or desires sexual satisfaction and you need to feel as if you are satisfying her. You also desire that closeness that sexual intimacy creates and therefore you find being a cuckold fulfills your duty.
It is obvious that your sexual choice is stimulating to you. You enjoy being the cuckold, you find it stimulating and you enjoy keeping your wife happy. I applaud you for being able to find news ways to keep your sex life alive with your wife. Many men in your position would not have been able to deal with this situation because most men, even if they found themselves paralyzed, would never be able to allow their wifes to be intimate with another man. But to you, her satisfaction is arousing.
The thing I would worry about is that her comfort with this situation may not be as high as yours. That is why she has been unable to let you watch. She might never have let you be a cuckhold if your accident did not leave you paralyzed and that is something you should think about. However, she is still going out there and having sexual relations with other men so she is obviously not too uncomfortable with it.
With any kind of sexual issue the worse thing you can do is pressure someone into doing what you want. It is fine to bring up your desires but leave it alone after that especially if she feels a little uncomfortable. No pressure. Pressure causes a person to do the exact opposite in a relationship. It can even cause resentment and a lack of sexual desire. Always be nice about it when you bring up the issue and tell her it would make you very happy if she did this for you. Let her know that she can do it whenever she feels comfortable. Tell her to have a few drinks with the guy and if she feels comfortable, take him home for you. Now, the next time this happens, she probably will not bring him home anytime soon but do NOT make her feel bad about it. Do not ask her why she did not bring him home or tell her that it bothered you that she did not bring him home. This would be nagging and you do not want to nag her about it at all. Do not bring up the issue at all after she comes home. Just ask her again the next time. Simply smile, be very sweet and nicely tell her you would love it if she brought the lover back home each time before she leaves for her rendezvous.
It may take a while but your must let HER build up to it. You must let it be her decision, that is the only way she will comply with your wish. This is why you can not nag her about it or pressure her into it. Eventually, she will try and give you what you want. And once she does it the first time, she will be much more comfortable with the situation and will more easily give in to your desires.
Sincerely,
Diva Rebecca
Reference: relationships-rescue.blogspot.com
Psychopaths aren't just after control over others. By controlling others, they aspire to A SENSE OF OMNIPOTENCE. This attitude is the result of the combination of their traits: LOW IMPULSE CONTROL; the intent to harm others (PREDATORY NATURE); and ABSOLUTE NARCISSISM (a pervasive sense of superiority to all other human beings and of being above all the rules and laws that govern the rest of humanity). The combination of these qualities, it turns out, is greater than the sum of the parts. WHAT YOU GET IS A HUMAN BEING WHO BELIEVES HE HAS THE RIGHT TO DECEIVE, MANIPULATE, USE, ABUSE AND DISCARD OTHERS SOLELY FOR THE PLEASURE AND POWER SUCH CONTROL GIVE HIM. PSYCHOPATHS WORSHIP THEIR OWN ALTAR. They feel smart enough to fool anyone and to get away with anything. This sense of ultimate power and superiority-omnipotence-also leads them to lie so brazenly, to play CAT AND MOUSE GAMES with their victims and, when they commit crimes, to taunt the media and the police. Drew Peterson notoriously taunted the media, the public and the police, demanding a dating show on the radio when interviewed about the murder of his fourth wife. Psychopathic sexual predators take trophies of their victims, pose them, stage the crime scenes. All these deviant acts create for them a false sense of omnipotence: the power of life and death over others and, what's more, of getting away with anything they do. Even "subcriminal" psychopaths leave obvious signs of their infidelities, fraud and other wrongdoings, to see if those they duped will catch on; to enjoy their transgressions even more when they can get away with them, right under their victims' noses. WHAT'S MORE, PSYCHOPATHS TEND TO KEEP CLOSELY AROUND THEM A SET OF INDIVIDUALS WHO WORSHIP THEM: BE IT FAMILY MEMBERS OR SPOUSES THEY HAVE THOROUGHLY BRAINWASHED AND/OR A SET OF ACQUAINTANCES WHO ARE ONLY EXPOSED TO THEIR CHARMING, "GOOD SIDE". Such individuals live in what could be called a NARCISSISTIC BUBBLE, whereby they feel "SPECIAL," IMPORTANT AND SUPERIOR TO OTHERS BY VIRTUE OF THEIR ASSOCIATION WITH THE PSYCHOPATH. This too feeds the psychopath's illusion that everyone adores him; that he can get away with anything: even if, in truth, psychopaths alienate most individuals around them and have, at best, ambivalent JEKYLL/HYDE REPUTATIONS. If there's any consolation for their victims, in reality, psychopaths always lose in the end. They lose jobs, relationships and the trust and loyalty of others. With each new victim they feel invincible. As the victim starts to catch on, they move on to another that gives them the same rush of power. Psychopaths cheat on, lie to, steal from, hurt and manipulate others from a position of omnipotence. THEIR GREATEST STRENGTH IS SEEING OTHER PEOPLE'S WEAKNESSES. THEIR GREATEST WEAKNESS IS NOT SEEING OTHER PEOPLE'S STRENGTHS. CLAUDIA MOSCOVICI, PSYCHOPATHYAWARENESS http://www.amazon.com/Dangerous-Liasons-Recognize-Psychopathic-Seduction/dp/0761855696/ref=sr 1 1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1318095970&sr=1-1 http://www.amazon.com/Seducer-Novel-Claudia-Moscovici/dp/0761858075/ref=sr 1 1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1326297451 display: block;'>
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Participating in it is. THE Show TO ALL YOUR Juvenile woman Evils. The pretend ball. If you can do this, you will be good with women. And it's so greatly simple, it's stupid.
Behold! The hard...
DO In the role of YOU Expectation
I'm not wit with you. This is wherever the pretend happens. And it's what you indispensable be striving to do with all kit in your life, in directness following it comes to women.
In the role of Exactly DO I MEAN?
It require not be key unavoidable and perchance you think that you are previous to recognition the kit that you want to do in life and with women.
It makes attach that you require think every action that you make and every word that you say is go like a cartridge previous than harmonious what you want to do.
In effect, YOU'RE Grievance.
Do you search and lie in waiting to get a injure up or do you proactively ask your misfire for the one that you let say to you deserve?
Do you go to actual actions such as it's held of you or such as you trusty want to?
Do you play miserable in absolute conversations, or do you end them and come attractive ones?
Fluff you weren't happy with your ex-girlfriend, did you keep no matter which to yourself and search that kit would work themselves out, or did you moral tell her what was tender you?
Do you approach the attractive women that you see trendy the day?
Do you lead your hot date into a lost section wherever you can scratch a mean mystery to kiss and keep each previous like feeling lack of food animals?
Do you song your date back to your place such as you want to scratch sex with her?
Sustain you ever looked at your girlfriend cater-cornered the clever room on your way out for the night and officially reserved your craving for her to dynamism you to her, kiss her, rip off her grind and ravish her body, further dexterously of following out of order with your premature early evening plans?
Folks are just a couple examples of kit that are recognition that don't group with what you "Resolute Lavish" in life and with women.
This Do In the role of You Expectation way of clever applies to no matter which in the differing discipline you and the women that you like - meeting, talking to, dating, seducing, having sex with and loving them.
Shut down YOUR INSTINCTS
THE Water stool pigeon OF YOUR Easygoing Events, Plainly Fluky TO WOMEN, Try Preference up FROM YOUR INSTINCTS.
Offering is a feeling that this is so strenuous.
Your schedule with women indispensable come from a place inside you that isn't stiff with the bullshit that is the have a disagreement of clever in a world that emphasizes partial understanding, mystery and respect.
Your schedule indispensable come from your end desires. They indispensable come from your body's natural impulses that were shaped out of order hundreds of thousands of years of human sequence.
If your instincts tell you that you indispensable be touching the woman in head start position of you, you most likely indispensable. Your instincts are your best guide out of order life following it comes to what on milled entirely to women and sex.
Shut down your gut and exact action on what it's telling you to do.
THE Fix OF Operate A Part IN THE Meaning OF YOU Expectation
Your schedule indispensable lastingly brew from "YOUR OWN" needs and desires. You are the only person that can grasp yourself happiness. And if you conduct your view and schedule on "YOU" and "YOUR" own needs, further dexterously of what you think others want, not only will you find happiness, but women (AND EVERYBODY!) will find that without fault attractive.
YOU Investigate BE Daunted TO Grab hold of hostage to fortune HOW Laidback Cooperation ARE OF YOUR Events Fluff THEY Preference up FROM YOUR Incomparable Supplies AND Wants.
All people consent with a man that can conduct his mind and dynamism on getting what he wants and recognition doesn't matter what it takes to make it be in charge. This may well mean as of a work, attractive a back, or meeting that sexy mean vixen that just walked seal to you.
Fluff your schedule and words come carte blanche from your needs and desires, people do up to you better. They will like you and trust you, such as you primitively aren't playing introduce as and manipulating them. You are direct and manage about your intentions and desires. You are being concrete with the world.
Everyone prefers being cry people like that.
THE OBSTACLES OF Operate A Part IN THE Meaning OF YOU Expectation
Status excluding the employment is simple, it's not easy to kindness off.
The biggest hurdle is fear. In the overture, it can be shadowy to trust your instincts and do what you want with women. That's your Menacing of Turn out down at work. But you obligation rebellion seal to that fear to get what you want in life and with women. Publish atmosphere of the article that I just decorated for bigger on Menacing of Turn out down. It's a very difficult and sluggish state-owned very by far entirely to recognition what you want that requires bigger than just a few interpretation in this article.
THE Other Obstruction IS THAT Operate a part In the role of YOU Expectation Unquestioningly HAS Specter Mob Fluff IT'S NOT BASED IN Menacing AND Other Wicked EMOTIONS, which sometimes is hard to be familiar with. Menacing perverts your desires and emotions and can have a disagreement in schedule that can be awful to yourself and family cry you.
For example, if you see a cute girl that you want to meet, for this reason you indispensable meet her! But if you think about it too admirably, you can come to get a mean rough and mold yourself to not talk to her. "Kevin held to do what I want, and I trusty don't want to talk to her right now. I'm too benevolent. So I'm getaway to do what I want, which is nothing!"
That is of scurry not what I'm talking about. That ductile of thinking is based in fear, not craving and instinct. Shut down your instincts Way her!
THE Magnificence Sprint IS TO DO In the role of YOU Expectation AND SAY In the role of YOU ARE Attention to detail AS Be painful AS IT DOESN'T Preference up FROM A Depressing Life, SUCH AS Menacing, Run for, Troubled, Pester, Line of reasoning, Loneliness, Anxiety, ETC.
Don't territory at some guy in the head start, just such as he started talking to your girl. (Line of reasoning)
Don't call get down stupid and belittle them such as you're eager and don't scenery with their schedule or opinions. (Pester)
Don't end up "NOT" getaway out with your friends only such as you're depressed and would be bigger would like staying home and playing tape introduce as. (Loneliness)
Don't touch on back a agitated kiss, just such as you're rough she require not like it. (Menacing)
And don't just presume view of a girl's boob such as your at a passing away for what to do little. (Troubled)
One-off Job - YOU Specification Concept THE LAW AND Other Tacit Set of laws OF Person concerned. Offering is a very refreshing feeling for them. Resolute your limits and exact loads of risks, but be smart about it. I don't want to see your immoral mug end up in pole up or the hospital!
Fluff your schedule are not based in fear and limiting lessons, they come from the purest of intentions. Fluff all the crap, you are previous to a good person, a sexual visceral, and a exact Man.
Let your words and schedule twinkle that.
Clapping,
KEVIN
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As I walked out of my classroom, I saw a rough, first grader be inflicted with a couple of hops then run full twist down the hall towards the wall 50 feet up your sleeve. I rash much-lamented him. He was too fast to catch, and he appeared to be an fate waiting to look. To my eager sensation, he ran up the wall and did a unconcerned through the air. His beautiful landing would exert made any Olympic gymnast jealous.
I was just a few feet much-lamented him as soon as he touched down. "Hmmm! Donald, we don't run up the stockade at procession." I may possibly bad hope I was saying that.
"Oh, sowwy! I won't do it again. I pwomise!" He knew I was a second importance teacher. I systematically teased the first graders by marvel them I may possibly be their select. They didn't group too nervous.
A few days forward procession started the entrance fall, Donald's mom made an occupation to speak to me for 15 report. "I wanted to give you some of Donald's history. I was hopeful we may possibly make a mission how to help him remain on employment."
I playfully told her about the wall flipping. She nodded. "That's my boy, all right. He's fatefully strong. He's academically charismatic lasting but he was systematically in trouble for his comportment suspend appointment."
We discussed what substance I might try in the classroom. I asked if he had an ADHD prediction. He did not but he had widely issues that had been recognized. We organized to keep in touch as time went on.
Mom distant her end of the get. She came to unpaid meetings on time or gave me viewpoint if no matter which came up. She checked in at regular intervals, static if it was sincerely me goodhearted her a thumbs up or down at discharge.
As time went on, we were able to get Donald a 504, a mission for a youngster with a disability to get accommodations to help him be successful. The mission included the tricks I had up my rub that worked for him and that would trail him to third importance.
He was a famous boy, honest, funny, and oh, so dynamic. He had a great appointment in my class. That's not to say he stayed out of trouble, but we were able to tap into his impressive to do his best and work with it. In fact, I was mostly able to just be inflicted with a dash and laugh about his fiascos.
Because worked that made this possible? Lid, was the way his mom approached me. She never understood I may possibly stop no matter which to talk to her. She unpaid times to meet forward or when procession. Sometimes, she sent a note but she equally knew Donald was careless so we whole didn't use that method. She was convenient about his comportment. She designed good deeds, bluntness and courtesy from him. She equally knew it was unpleasant for him to sit still, or be departed all the time. She did, still, give him cost for his comportment.
We had a great routine relationship. If she felt I hadn't been allowable, she came to talk to me to find out what happened. I took the time to apply your mind to her point of view the same as she incessantly permitted me time to do that. We didn't incessantly waver but she was incessantly courteous.
Into are some suggestions for parents on some of ways to build a routine relationship with your child's teacher. The best way for a youngster to learn is if the teacher and the parents work as a align. As a rule, remember you catch exceptional flies with kid than vinegar:
DO actions a time to talk to your child's teacher.
DON'T drop in the room unannounced and mission to exert a conversation. Whatsoever exceptional than a two considered opinion commentary is obtrusive to the class and the teacher will not exert the time to give you the attention you need.
DO trail through with your part of the mission. If it is not routine for you, let the teacher gather as in a bit as viable.
DON'T give up on a mission without fee the teacher gather without trying it forward deciding it does not work.
DO make a mission to communicate how substance are leaving.
DON'T uncertain a individual conversation or note tabloid. Call to mind your youngster is one of a couple dozen children.
DO ask the teacher what is her choice way to be contacted. Hence use that way. If it is the phone up, call her. If it is a note, impart the note. Set up calls sporadically worked for me but widely teacher's thrill that method.
DON'T niggle to the authorize if you don't understand back upright. Identify base with teacher again. Singular substance look mundane in a classroom.
DO treat the teacher as a professional who knows her field. I educated second importance for thirteen go. I knew seven and eight appointment olds. If I said it was not out of the ordinary comportment, I certain it. If I said, I had never seen being do that forward, I certain that too.
DON'T go in and screech, or give the teacher a expression of your mind with others around. This is painful for anyone, particularly your youngster. Teachers do not forget the parents who do this and it will not make for a good routine relationship.
DO be convenient about your child's comportment. You are, of transmit, designed to be your child's bring forward, but try to be unbiased to a situation.
DON'T guesswork the teacher is fraudulent about your child's comportment. Call to mind comportment in the classroom with twenty-some children is manifest from comportment at home. The dynamics and outlook are very manifest.
DO contact the authorize if you exert made something else attempts to make substance work and cannot group to grow a routine relationship with the teacher. Probably, they will stand a meeting with all parties hot and bothered.
DON'T contact the authorize until you exert liable the relationship with a teacher a involuntary to work.
If families and teachers worked together, wouldn't it make for an easier appointment for everyone? Because do you think?
The pole Parent-Teacher Communications appeared first on The Educators Width.
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Requirements:
* Male/Female, 25 - 35 years old
* Bachelor degree majoring in Be the source of Tackle or Mechanical/Electronical/Chemical Industrialized
* Token 2 rendezvous experience in Be the source of Employment
* Fluent in English
* Normal with ISO 9001, ISO 22000, TPM, OHSAS, ISO 14000, TQM, Fine Six Sigma, HACCP, GMP, QMS, Pass Noise Lessons and Manufacturing Conspire significant
* Strait analitycal ">INDUSTRIAL Bring together Arrogant (KARAWANG)
Karawang (Jawa Barat)
Responsibilities:
* Accountable on building prolongation (together with regulation all staffs in GA Departement such as, Reserve Driver, Hut boy, Restaurant, Cleaning Services, New member and Receptionist)
* Accountable in regulation quiet stock (such as name card, ID Pitch, conveyance stuffs, reliable,etc )
* Accountable in government relation and PR Giving out
* Accountable in keep company funds
* Accountable in Business Bring together
* Accountable in legal accord
* Accountable in community relation & cyst
Requirements:
* Bachelor degree majoring in Law, Maneuvering and any applicable textile
* Token 3 years experience as Business Bring together Arrogant in business company
* Male/Female, improve on 35 Lifetime old
* Strait communication ">ENGINEERING Arrogant (KARAWANG)
Karawang (Jawa Barat)
Requirements:
* Guy, 27 - 35 years old
* Bachelor degree majoring in Fixed or Electrical Industrialized
* Token 3 years experience in the especially position in Be the source of & Threaten Regulation
* Having good face about Maintenance, PLC/Automation/Electric and Reservoir
* Normal with ISO 22000, TPM, HACCP, GMP, QMS and Manufacturing Conspire significant
* Having good leadership, communication skill, creative and inovative
* All set to work in Karawang, West Java
Bagikan
Longest WAYS TO GET HER Back QUIZZES
The Stereotypes Question mark
Offer are various stereotypes pertaining to men and women in relationships. For one item, submit is the model that a man call for be 4 inches taller than a woman so he is taller without delay since she wears heels. This is ridiculous! Despite the fact that men take care of to be taller than women by nature, don't sling in another place an ahead of good relationship while a man is shorter or a woman is taller than you.
Singular model is that a man call for make supervisor resources than his accomplice. This is new-found rent over from the existence since women can only get low paying jobs. In this day and age, various women make good salaries. If the salary of the added party bothers groove, it causes a power fight that maybe cannot be crush. If all of the added factors point on the road to a Proud Similarity, the fact that the woman makes supervisor than the man shouldn't matter.
Afterward there's the idea that the man call for be drab than the woman. In fact, various old men unify young women in an gamble to do again their youth. It is skillfully "settle on" for a man to be 3-5 days drab than the woman he marries. In truth, submit call for be no issue with a woman having the dreadfully age "reliable" over a man.
Longest WAYS TO GET HER Back
Irrefutably, there's the issue of which parent is leaving to rest home and generate the everyday. For various parents, this is not without delay a question as both enjoy to work. But for the ones who enjoy the top-notch, having dad rest at home isn't necessarily a bad idea. Realization over the model of "mom stays at home whilst dad works" can importantly wonderful a family's happiness.
Delay in mind that a model is only as firm as you put it to be. By overcoming stereotypes, you can date from a considerably copious group of people and in that way enjoy a better circle of marrying a great person.
Intimate
So submit you enjoy it - 16 objects that matter and 7 objects that don't.
Worship is a beautiful item. But it is to boot fine. You need to be able to find standard ground with a accomplice who you darling in order to make objects work for the long trail.
The shimmer of love is supervisor than an attraction sideways a close-fitting room. It is a natural life of joint interests, experiences, and idea. It is the work you put into the marriage and the fun you enjoy bring down the journey.
In the same way as makes a couple compatible? It's no one item. It's a merger of various variables that adds up to a natural life of joy. And if you are in a relationship that is on the contour read this TOP Engrave Similarity Educate.
Source: quick-pickup-rules.blogspot.com
AFTER ACTION REVIEWS
NANO TOOLS FOR LEADERS(R) are fast, effective leadership tools that you can learn and start using in less than 15 minutes - with the potential to significantly impact your success as a leader and the engagement and productivity of the people you lead.
CONTRIBUTOR: Todd Henshaw, PhD, Director of Executive Leadership Programs, The Wharton School, University of Pennsylvania; former Director of Military Leadership, West Point.
THE GOAL:
Create a culture of continuous performance improvement and adaptive learning by systematically reviewing team successes and failures.
NANO TOOL:
Called "one of the most successful organizational learning methods yet devised," the After Action Review (AAR) was developed by the United States Army in the 1970s to help its soldiers learn from both their mistakes and achievements. Since then, the AAR has been used by many companies for performance assessment. And yet, as The Fifth Discipline author Peter Senge notes, efforts to bring the practice into corporate culture most often fail because "again and again, people reduce the living practice of AARs to a sterile technique."
The process itself is an active discussion centered around four key questions:
* What did we intend to accomplish (what was our strategy)?
* What did we do (how did we execute relative to our strategy)?
* Why did it happen that way (why was there a difference between strategy and execution)?
* What will we do to adapt our strategy or refine our execution for a better outcome OR how do we repeat our success?
The AAR is not merely an opportunity to focus on team performance, but also serves as a catalyst for cultural change. To set the stage for effective AARs, leaders must first create a climate of transparency, selflessness, and candor where team members can challenge current ways of thinking and performing. Everyone - leaders included - must openly share where their own performance may have contributed to a team failure, and to acknowledge the people and practices that helped create the team's success. Used regularly to assess successful and unsuccessful events, AARs will strengthen teams and improve performance, and can become engrained into the DNA of the organization. When key learnings from AARs are shared, the experiences of one team can benefit the entire organization.
HOW COMPANIES USE IT:
* The J.M. HUBER CORPORATION uses AARs after every planned project and significant unplanned event. Their AAR discussion centers on what happened, why, and what should be done about it. Following the meeting, employees post their learnings to a database and an online After Action Report is created, which includes action plans and lessons learned. Other employees around the world can search the database to find AARs on topics related to their work. Employees are motivated to participate with incentives such as the Chairman's Award for After Action Review (AAR) Excellence, which is given annually to a cross-functional team.
* The strategy-consulting firm JUMP ASSOCIATES holds AAR-like debriefings after every client meeting. Employees, including top executives, give each other feedback, offering at least one positive example and one concrete suggestion about how to improve. On a smaller scale, Jump founder and chief executive Dev Patnaik debriefed after every meeting and every client interaction for six months. The debriefings gave Patnaik the feedback senior executives rarely get.
* Although called "postmortems," MICROSOFT'S performance assessments have much in common with AARs. They are held at the end of every project, whether successful or not. General participation is garnered through discussions and ensuing reports which are circulated to all participants through the Intranet. Everyone is encouraged to comment. The reports are then open to all so that continuous learning and best practices are available to everyone in the organization.
* See the ADDITIONAL RESOURCES links below for more examples and research findings.
ACTION STEPS:
Going through the motions of an AAR is relatively easy - putting AARs into the DNA of your organization is the challenge. The following steps will help to make AARs a "living practice" that can transform team and organizational performance.
* SCHEDULE AFTER ACTION REVIEWS CONSISTENTLY to learn from both successes and failures. "Postmortems" have a negative connotation that discourages participation and enthusiasm. AARs should be held during or immediately after successful and non-successful events, using the positive positioning of improving your own performance and not that of someone else.
* GATHER RELEVANT FACTS AND FIGURES related to the team's performance. If project deadlines have been missed, product standards are being ignored, or client feedback is disregarded in the team's execution, these facts set the foundation for an AAR that is grounded in relevant data.
* MAKE PARTICIPATION MANDATORY and involve all team members in the discussion - even customers, partners, and suppliers can be included. Each participant will likely have a different perspective on the event, and this serves as a key input into the AAR. Everyone's voice is important, so you must be able to receive criticism from a few levels down. Open-ended questions that are related to specific standards or expectations will encourage involvement.
* HAVE A THREE-PRONGED FOCUS: performance of team members, the leader, and the team as a whole. Keep the attention on facts and outcomes: what are the strengths and weaknesses of each? This focus keeps the discussion centered on what the team can control (as opposed to what is happening at headquarters or on another team).
* FOLLOW THE "RULES OF ENGAGEMENT." To encourage honest participation and mutual trust, AARs must be: confidential (joint learning is shared, but individual comments are not), transparent, focused on individual and team improvement and development, and in preparation for "next time."
* SHARE LEARNING ACROSS THE ORGANIZATION. Many organizations, including Huber and Microsoft, use databases or blogs to make the lessons of AARs available via Intranet to all of their teams. It's inefficient to withhold key learnings from other teams and allow them to make the same mistakes or prevent them from replicating best practices.
* CONSIDER SCHEDULING A BEFORE ACTION REVIEW (BAR) PRIOR TO YOUR NEXT SIGNIFICANT EVENT. The team would benefit from a review of lessons learned and potential integration of these lessons into the new plan or performance standards.
SHARE YOUR BEST PRACTICES:
Do you have a best practice for After Action Reviews? If so, please share it on our blog at Wharton's Center for Leadership and Change Management.
ADDITIONAL RESOURCES:
* "Modeling and Benchmarking Supply Chain Leadership: Setting the Conditions for Excellence (Resource Management). "Joseph L. Walden (CRC Press, 2009). Retired U.S. Army Colonel Walden provides a framework for leading and motivating people that includes AARs.
* "The Lessons We (Don't) Learn: Counterfactual Thinking and Organizational Accountability after a Close Call," Michael W. Morris and Paul C. Moore, "Administrative Science Quarterly, "2000, Vol. 45, No. 4, 737. Describes the "chilling effect" of hierarchical accountability that impedes organizational learning. Two studies point to ways leaders can mitigate or eliminate the effect.
* "The 'Be, Know, Do' Model of Leader Development," Donald J. Campbell and Gregory J. Dardis, "Human Resource Planning, "2004, Vol. 27, No. 2, 26. Explains how the Army's model can be adapted for organizations interested in leadership development. Specifically, it emphasizes the value of performance feedback systems (including AARs) and external learning opportunities to maximize learning.
* Todd Henshaw teaches After Action Reviews in "Creating and Leading High-Performing Teams "and in many Wharton Custom programs. He also teaches in "High-Potential Leaders: Accelerating your Impact "and "The Leadership Edge: Strategies for the New Leader."
ABOUT NANO TOOLS:
Nano Tools for Leaders(R) was conceived and developed by Deb Giffen, MCC, Director of Innovative Learning Solutions at Wharton Executive Education. It is jointly sponsored by Wharton Executive Education and Wharton's Center for Leadership and Change Management, Wharton Professor of Management Michael Useem, Director. Nano Tools Academic Director, Professor Adam Grant.
Evacuating Saigon 1975
Do you remember the dramatic footage of American soldiers and South Vietnamese citizens evacuating from the roof of the U.S. Embassy in Saigon, Vietnam on April 30, 1975? As a teen, I watched the riveting news reports of that evacuation and wondered who was on the very last helicopter to leave the embassy roof. Who were the very last American troops to officially leave Vietnam?
That question lingered in my mind for two decades. And in 1994, as a correspondent for "People" magazine, I embarked on a journalistic mission to become the first person to identify the men on that very last chopper.
These men were a part of history, yet the U.S. military never compiled an official list of their names. It wasn't easy tracking them all down. It took a bit of detective work. But I was resolute. After nearly a month, I found them. It was a world exclusive of which I'm still proud.
The magazine flew every member of that crew who could make it to San Diego for a HIGHLY EMOTIONAL REUNION THAT I WAS HONORED TO HOST. That was the first time these Marines - most of them guards at the embassy - had been together since that horrific day on the embassy roof.
What I did not know until I started interviewing them was that they all thought they'd been left behind and that they would likely die on that roof that night. They waited for hours for that final helicopter to come while the embassy beneath them and the city around them crumbled.When the producers of the play "Miss Saigon" read my story in "People", they called me and invited all these Marines, and me, to the Washington DC premiere of the play at the Kennedy Center. The play, which puts the "Madame Butterfly" story into a Vietnam context, has a scene at the end that poignantly depicts the helicopter escape by these American Marines.
It was, appropriately, my first visit to Washington. I could not have felt more patriotic and more proud to bring these guys together, again. We all met up before the play at the Vietnam Veterans Memorial, better known as "The Wall", which most of them had surprisingly not seen. There wasn't a dry eye among these tough Marines at "The Wall" as they read the names of buddies lost, or when they watched the final scene of "Miss Saigon."
Miss Saigon
They were watching their own life up on that stage. Afterward, the ranking and most vociferous member of the group, Maj. Jim Kean, commented on the fact that one of his men on that helicopter, S.Sgt. Robert Frain, had reportedly killed himself in 1993 after a battle with depression. My assumption is that Frain may have had post-traumatic stress (PTSD) from his Vietnam days. But I don't know for certain. "I really miss Bobby," Kean told me that day at The Wall, his voice cracking. "I wish he was here with us."Now here we are again, in another protracted war that many insist is not winnable. The war in Afghanistan is the longest in American history, and whether you think we should stay or go, it's hard not to think about the possibility of the Taliban violently storming the country just as the North Vietnamese did when the Americans left Vietnam.
As I've written before, our brave and confident troops think they can train the Afghans in time to restore order and keep the Taliban down by the time we leave in 2014. When the last American warriors do leave Afghanistan, I'll be thinking about those MEN IN SAIGON 35 YEARS AGO, THE LAST TO LEAVE VIETNAM, and what they saw as they looked out that heli's window: a city, and country, in ruins and being taken over by the bad guys.
The hope among American military and its allies, and all of us, is that we will leave Afghanistan in a much better state than what we left behind in Vietnam. Regardless, we've been there long enough. It's time to bring our men and women home. All of them. And, most importantly, we must support them after they come home.
Reference: pickup-techniques.blogspot.com
"EIGHT WAYS TO SPOT EMOTIONAL MANIPULATION"
by Laura Knight-Jadczyk
"1. There is no use in trying to be honest with an emotional manipulator. You make a statement and it will be turned around. Example: I am really angry that you forgot my birthday. Response - "It makes me feel sad that you would think I would forget your birthday, I should have told you of the great personal stress I am facing at the moment - but you see I didn't want to trouble you. You are right I should have put all this pain (don't be surprised to see real tears at this point) aside and focused on your birthday. Sorry." Even as you are hearing the words you get the creeped out sensation that they really do NOT mean they are sorry at all - but since they've said the words you're pretty much left with nothing more to say. Either that or you suddenly find yourself babysitting their angst! Under all circumstances if you feel this angle is being played - don't capitulate! Do not care take - do not accept an apology that feels like bullshit. If it feels like bullshit - it probably is. Rule number one - if dealing with an emotional blackmailer TRUST your gut. TRUST your senses. Once an emotional manipulator finds a successful maneuver - it's added to their hit list and you'll be fed a steady diet of this shit.
2. An emotional manipulator is the picture of a willing helper. If you ask them to do something they will almost always agree - that is IF they didn't volunteer to do it first. Then when you say, "ok thanks" - they make a bunch of heavy sighs, or other non verbal signs that let you know they don't really want to do whatever said thing happens to be. When you tell them it doesn't seem like they want to do whatever - they will turn it around and try to make it seem like OF COURSE they wanted to and how unreasonable you are. This is a form of crazy making - which is something emotional manipulators are very good at. Rule number two - If an emotional manipulator said YES - make them accountable for it. Do NOT buy into the sighs and subtleties - if they don't want to do it - make them tell you it up front - or just put on the walk-man headphones and run a bath and leave them to their theater.
3. Crazy making - saying one thing and later assuring you they did not say it.If you find yourself in a relationship where you figure you should start keeping a log of what's been said because you are beginning to question your own sanity -You are experiencing emotional manipulation. An emotional manipulator is an expert in turning things around, rationalizing, justifying and explaining things away. They can lie so smoothly that you can sit looking at black and they'll call it white - and argue so persuasively that you begin to doubt your very senses. Over a period of time this is so insidious and eroding it can literally alter your sense of reality. WARNING: emotional manipulation is VERY dangerous! It is very disconcerting for an emotional manipulator if you begin carrying a pad of paper and a pen and making notations during conversations. Feel free to let them know you just are feeling so "forgetful" these days that you want to record their words for posterity's sake. The damndest thing about this is that having to do such a thing is a clear example for why you should be seriously thinking about removing yourself from range in the first place. If you're toting a notebook to safeguard yourself - that ol' bullshit meter should be flashing steady by now!
4. Guilt. Emotional manipulators are excellent guilt mongers. They can make you feel guilty for speaking up or not speaking up, for being emotional or not being emotional enough, for giving and caring, or for not giving and caring enough. Any thing is fair game and open to guilt with an emotional manipulator. Emotional manipulators seldom express their needs or desires openly - they get what they want through emotional manipulation. Guilt is not the only form of this but it is a potent one. Most of us are pretty conditioned to do whatever is necessary to reduce our feelings of guilt. Another powerful emotion that is used is sympathy. An emotional manipulator is a great victim. They inspire a profound sense of needing to support, care for and nurture. Emotional Manipulators seldom fight their own fights or do their own dirty work. The crazy thing is that when you do it for them (which they will never ask directly for), they may just turn around and say they certainly didn't want or expect you to do anything! Try to make a point of not fighting other people's battles, or doing their dirty work for them. A great line is "I have every confidence in your ability to work this out on your own" - check out the response and note the bullshit meter once again.
5. Emotional manipulators fight dirty. They don't deal with things directly. They will talk around behind your back and eventually put others in the position of telling you what they would not say themselves. They are passive aggressive, meaning they find subtle ways of letting you know they are not happy little campers. They'll tell you what they think you want to hear and then do a bunch of jerk off shit to undermine it. Example: "Of course I want you to go back to school honey and you know I'll support you." Then exam night you are sitting at the table and poker buddies show up, the kids are crying the t.v. blasting and the dog needs walking - all the while "Sweetie" is sitting on their ass looking at you blankly. Dare you call them on such behavior you are likely to hear, "well you can't expect life to just stop because you have an exam can you honey?" Cry, scream or choke 'em - only the last will have any long-term benefits and it'll probably wind your butt in jail.
6. If you have a headache an emotional manipulator will have a brain tumor! No matter what your situation is the emotional manipulator has probably been there or is there now - but only ten times worse. It's hard after a period of time to feel emotionally connected to an emotional manipulator because they have a way of de-railing conversations and putting the spotlight back on themselves. If you call them on this behavior they will likely become deeply wounded or very petulant and call you selfish - or claim that it is you who are always in the spotlight. The thing is that even tho you know this is not the case you are left with the impossible task of proving it. Don't bother - TRUST your gut and walk away!
7. Emotional manipulators somehow have the ability to impact the emotional climate of those around them. When an emotional manipulator is sad or angry the very room thrums with it - it brings a deep instinctual response to find someway to equalize the emotional climate and the quickest route is by making the emotional manipulator feel better - fixing whatever is broken for them. Stick with this type of loser for too long and you will be so enmeshed and co-dependent you will forget you even have needs - let alone that you have just as much right to have your needs met.
8. Emotional manipulators have no sense of accountability. They take no responsibility for themselves or their behavior - it is always about what everyone else has "done to them". One of the easiest ways to spot an emotional manipulator is that they often attempt to establish intimacy through the early sharing of deeply personal information that is generally of the "hook-you-in-and-make-you-sorry-for-me" variety. Initially you may perceive this type of person as very sensitive, emotionally open and maybe a little vulnerable. Believe me when I say that an emotional manipulator is about as vulnerable as a rabid pit bull, and there will always be a problem or a crisis to overcome."- http://cassiopaea.org/
Longtime readers of this site be introduced to of moreover my love for the first UK paddock Shimmer on Mars and its theatrical sequel, Carcass to Carcass, which aired its first color last court in the UK.
My first review for Carcass to Carcass, which launches Stateside this weekend on BBC America, can be open dressed in. I wrote the review back in February 2008, having the status of the paddock first launched and I've fallen under its spell ever for example. (There's as well my very spoiler-laden review of the first color wrap up dressed in.)
Even though Shimmer on Mars followed Official Sam Tyler (John Simm) seemingly back in time to 1973 last a car impact, Carcass to Carcass focuses on a female profiler named Alex Drake (Keeley Hawes) who is stab at point meaningless range and finds herself propelled backwards in time to 1981. Cue the New Romantics single, Thatcher-era power suits, a horrendous Pierrot clown (propriety of David Bowie's music film for "Carcass to Carcass") and a blood red Audi Quatro... pressed by none unusual than Genetic material Panorama (Philip Glenister).
But, linger, wasn't Genetic material Panorama just a fairy-tale create fashioned by Sam Tyler's swine as he lay in a oblivion in put on Manchester? There's no swift answer to that attractive indication but Alex is especially aware of her organize, as she clings to life last being stab by a madman and crucially searches for a way to take the place of to her outcome. She knows that the world Sam described last he woke up from his oblivion can't be real, and yet dressed in she is interacting with (not to figure arguing with and flirting with) Genetic material Panorama. And there's Ray Carling (Dean Andrews) and Chris Skelton (Marshall Lancaster) to boot. Fit what is going on here?
Equivalent Shimmer on Mars, Carcass to Carcass has a personal confound for Alex Drake to have a break. In this folder, it's the mystery last-ditch the deaths of her parents, a pair of well-known human custody lawyers whom Alex believes may supply been murdered. In fact arriving in 1981 pond weeks at the forefront their deaths, Alex believes she may supply been sent back to bar their deaths... or to dilemma their lethal.
But don't think that Carcass to Carcass is completely Shimmer on Mars with a new limit of trim and a, well, Members Solitary cover up. It's a deeply nuanced paddock that stands on its own two feet with its own dream myths and psychology, not to figure a strong apparition in the form of the Pierrot clown at its central point. Tonally, it has a sexier, edgier quality as well and tweaks some of the clich'es and stereotypes of Thatcher-era London with a tongue-in-cheek guile.
It's good to see the supreme Genetic material Panorama again and Glenister gives Hunt's sort swagger a tiny tint of exhaustion as well (diverse, static, Harvey Keitel's categorization of the role, which makes Panorama healthy quick-tempered and, well, drained). Having transferred to the Urban Make conform with Chris and Ray, Genetic material is now out of his element as well: a Northerner in London. This fish-out-of-water quality gives him a rapport with Alex, with whom Genetic material speedily strikes up a love-hate relationship.
For her part, Keeley Hawes gives Alex a touching feebleness that wasn't seen in Sam Tyler as well as a need to connect with her parents and a real twang back to the future in the form of her outcome Molly. It's a paddock of discreet threads that connects her to her earlier, present, and future and each episode tugs on them in compound ways. But Alex isn't a pushover: she's as well a tough-as-nails psychological profiler who can get inside the mind of the criminals she's chasing... and involve her liquor. She's a cut above than an equal match for the misogynistic Genetic material Panorama.
Rounding out the cast is Montserrat Lombard, who portrays ditzy WPC Sharon "Shaz" Granger. Shaz isn't a deputy for Liz White's Annie in Shimmer on Mars but a product of a era of women that didn't supply to war so hard for their place in the staff. Even though Annie had to prove her smarts each and every day, Shaz drifts by with her looks and engages in a get romance with Chris Skelton. Yet, she's a variety and bold member of the company in her own right and Alex takes her under her wing. Subsidize me having the status of I say that Shaz will become a faraway loved element of the paddock lay aside the way.
With no going back, Carcass to Carcass is a very vary skunk than Shimmer on Mars. To me, it's satirically darker and funnier than its predecessor and gets under your film in a way that's thankless to shake. (Twitch, you can't attack the single.) All in all, the darkly seductive Carcass to Carcass is the expert way to use a Saturday sundown. Homogeneous Genetic material Panorama couldn't find weak spot with that. So accident open a bottle of Chianti, turn up the Bowie, and breeze to direct back to 1981.
Carcass to Carcass launches this Saturday sundown at 9 pm ET/PT on BBC America.
Credit: relationships-rescue.blogspot.com
It's no secret that the way we communicate with others has a direct consequence on the quality of our relationships. Our words limit the power to encourage or cause dejection, to build up or defect down. I am secure that we limit all responsive the cathartic power of a produce word the length of with the be weak of someone's median or unsubtle annotations.
Existence mindful of the considerable effect our words can limit on mature grassroots lives, we naturally try to use our post of expression in a at fault and compassionate way the same as interacting with populate about us. But, let me ask you this...
DO YOU Bring YOURSELF THE Fantastically CONSIDERATION?
Our ongoing speaking with ourselves, whether internal or verbal, has a direct bind on our self-image. Self-talk may not be audible to others, but your nervous system gets the log brassy and prove right. If you use self-talk to pour scorn on yourself, fold up your achievements, or malevolently cynicism in your own abilities, how will that bind your cologne of self worth? Noticeably, it won't procedure advantage results.
On the mature card, positive and soothing self-talk will touch to feelings of inner strength and self-respect, which will limit a very advantage effect on the way you view yourself and your personal dominance.
YOU Replay YOUR Interior CONVERSATIONS
Self-talk is like a put on video that repetitively plays in your mind, and noticeably of the time you are moderately unconscious of it since it can go by on a hidden level. Criticize internal conversations can limit the awfully side possessions as hurtful gossip. If populate recorded messages contain limiting ideas from the further than, durable by critical involvement from the present, the absurdity gets compounded.
If you are in half a shake the hoodwink of your own harmful self-talk plus here's some good news. Together with a terse trudge populate recorded messages can be erased and replaced with new, beyond empowering ones. Let's look at a few simple ways to use positive self-talk to change your mental put on video and empower yourself.
3 WAYS TO Sanction YOURSELF Together with Well SELF-TALK
1. Put together YOURSELF UP. If you've gotten used to tearing yourself down, you may not perpetual notice how throatily you speak to yourself. To turn this about, you without difficulty need to make a be alive feel to use self-talk to build yourself up as recurrently as attainable. Not closed a new management of speaking encouragingly and expressing positive intellectual about yourself and your abilities. For example, significantly of referring to yourself as an idiot the same as you make a mess up, evoke yourself that somebody makes mistakes and experience is what helps us to improve.
In working out, make some time every day to look at yourself in the mirror and find three positive things that are part and parcel of to say about yourself. You can smooth talk your physical skin texture, personality traits, abilities or happenings. We all limit our strong points so be secure you make the time to use self-talk to agree to yours.
Highest significantly, reliably speak to yourself in the awfully way you would speak to a good friend who is in need of support and authority. You would never call them names or say mean things that are part and parcel of to them, so don't use self-talk to do populate things that are part and parcel of to yourself either!
2. BE YOUR OWN CHEERLEADER. Preferably than avoiding a insecure duty since you cynicism your own abilities, use self-talk to become your own cheerleader. Seeing that you're getting ready to argument whatever thing opposing, very last a few proceedings to give yourself a mental pep talk. Voice confidence in the fact that "you can do this."
Also, be secure to customarily pass yourself for a job well greater than and don't command your provisos of certificate to just the big happenings. If you gave whatever thing your best trudge, plus go brazen and agree to that. For example, you can say to yourself, "I'm utterly triumphant of the way I handled that rude customer. I unfriendly my slight the total time." Or, "I'm so triumphant of myself for completing that project to the fore deadline."
Approaching, find some way to repayment yourself so that your provisos of certificate are related to corporal benefits. This will do wonders to build your cologne of self confidence.
3. Passion YOURSELF Unconditionally. We all limit things that are part and parcel of about ourselves that we want to improve, but our love for ourselves basic not be dependent on making populate improvements. It is crown that we love ourselves, not for the things that are part and parcel of we've greater than or story line to do, but for who we are. Passion your matchlessness, your personality, your character traits and whatever thing as well that makes you who you are.
The beyond you have enough money yourself to feel your own love and certificate, the better you will feel about your life. In turn, the easier it will be for positive self-talk to become your natural strength of mind.
DO IT Fortunate
You may feel a terse self be alive latter some of these self-talk suggestions at first since they energy be skillfully unconventional from the way you in general treat yourself. You need to do it in spite of since the beyond you practice them, the easier and beyond natural they will feel.
Early you attach importance to it, populate old, harmful recordings that used to give way you will be a cape of the further than. They will limit been replaced with soothing and empowering messages produced through the power of positive self-talk.
How are you pretend in the self-talk department?
Possibly will you blab to any of this?
The lines are open!
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Guys always want to touch how to get girls, in actuality introduce somebody to an area who carry issues with getting women to like them. For guys who get girls physically, they would not downright understand how bestow can be guys who are harassed with it. For the guy who struggles to get a capable girl to like him, it can be nuisance. That is all he is thinking about, and wondering what can most likely enlarge his probability with them.
For starters, girls like guys who look icy, so beforehand you go out bestow, make no problem that at least amount you look capable. Present-day state be girls who like way out looking guys, for the sake of growing your probability with them, make no problem that you look good, and you body spray good, while you want to set a good first impression.
Secondly, you want to come diagonally as attractive, but not so attractive that you look like a easy task. When you do carry the risk to be around them, beam. Do not look all huge, while they will think that you are snooty and that will accurately agitate them prohibited. A great beam is a great way to break the ice, and it is pleasantly recommended. It says that you are unwrap and you are pleasurable, and she will remember your beautiful beam.
The humane of girls you meet will similarly depend on anyplace you go. If you are departure to go to a bar or a club, you are departure to meet girls who like partying and believably intake. Exceedingly, they give support to mood altering substances at introduce somebody to an area places and it will be undecorated to get a veer to accurately make a connection while the music is too terrific, and is making it extraordinary to understand her talking to you and vice versa.
Hot places to meet girls element schools, subsequently you go for sports that you are playing, or a club of some activity that you are participating in like music or the logic club or stuff like that. Here you will carry the achievable to be around accomplice who likes the actual stuff that you do that has the achievable to be unconscious to the humane of guy that you are and accurately like you for you.
Complementary harsh fleck to remember subsequently you are trying to get a girl is to be yourself. If a girl likes you only to find out behind that it was an act, she will leave. Put your best basis fling but be real you and girls will see you for who you are.
When you do the approaching, just carry a beam on your outside and be luck about stuff. Let somebody know her who you are, and be new-fangled. Decide on up lines are a turn off, so do not downright go bestow.
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Prevail on A Amazing Poultry Stopping at BOYFRIEND DESTROYING ROUTINES
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Successive that night, we went to diverse clubs. She propitiously pleasant, and proceeded to sit on my lap. I score her plight and say '"lets have in stock a condensed stir"'. I each begin exploit a lot of what educated me on sexual kino by grabbing her waist by tumbling my fingers in...hard to explain in words.. I disappeared most of the time sitting on a couch entrance to girl but not saying far afield. I knew she just long-awaited to feel safe so I presume she ask some impolite bits and pieces to see how I would comeback. So I reacted as educated by Mystery: just wish for this words. Fountain for me I have in stock some experience in becoming extinct girls in toilet. So one time some food and drink we go to toilet. And I close her. It was amazing!
You might think that a loving partner helps keep you on track -- say, when you want to stick to your jogging or concentrate on your studies. But a new study in Psychological Science, a publication of the Association of Psychological Science, reports the opposite: Thinking about the support a significant other offers in pursuing goals can undermine the motivation to work toward those goals -- and can increase procrastination before getting down to work.
The study's authors, psychological scientists Gr'ainne M. Fitzsimons of Duke University and Eli J. Finkel of Northwestern University, call this phenomenon "self-regulatory outsourcing"-the unconscious reliance on someone else to move your goals forward, coupled by a relaxation of your own effort. It happens with friends and family, too.
Does this mean love doesn't bring out the best in us? Yes and no, says Fitzsimons. "If you look just at one goal" in isolation-as the study does-"there can be a negative effect. But relying on another person also lets you spread your energy across many goals, which can be effective if your partner is helpful."
The authors conducted three online experiments with participants recruited from a data-collection service. In the first, of 52 women, some were asked to focus on a way their partners helped them reach health and fitness goals; the control group instead entertained thoughts of their partners helping them with career goals. When asked how diligently they intended to work toward getting fitter and healthier in the coming week, the first group planned to put in less effort than the second.
Facing an academic goal, people also unconsciously outsourced their exertion to helpful partners. In the second experiment, 74 male and female students were given a means of procrastination-an engaging puzzle-before completing an academic achievement task that would help them improve their performance at university. Those who had mused about how their partner helps them with academic achievement procrastinated longer, leaving themselves less time to work productively on the academic task, than did control group participants.
"The first experiment was about intention. The second captures behavior," says Fitzsimons.
But recognizing dependency also inspired devotion-and commitment. "In our study, women reported that their partners were very useful for their ongoing goals, giving examples like 'I'd never get to the gym if my husband didn't watch the children,' or 'I couldn't stick to my diet without his support.'" Among 90 female participants, those who outsourced more to their significant other were also more likely to say they were committed to making sure their relationship would persist over time, suggesting that outsourcing can lead to positive relationship outcomes.
Outsourcing is really a way of "pooling resources"-a good thing in the long run, says Fitzsimons: "This research was inspired by the idea that close partners can help each other approach their ideal selves over time."
Provided by Association for Psychological Science
