How Do Unrealistic Expectations Cause Relationship Problems

Many relationship problems are caused when you project onto another person what you want in or from them. And most of the time, this is unspoken - in other words, it's all in your mind! How many people do you know who are in relationships either hoping the other will change or just seeing them the way they want them to be and not necessarily how they are? Have you ever experienced feeling hurt about something your partner did or didn't do, and then kept it to yourself? You held it inside and they didn't have a clue what was going on with you. How this plays out is you hold onto these hurt feelings and down the line they cause problems in your relationship. It started way back when but, instead of handling it then, you held it inside you and didn't communicate. Then like a snowball, you keep rolling it down the hill so it gets bigger and bigger, collecting more mass and energy, until one day you just explode. Does this sound familiar? Alternatively, have you ever lived through the scenario where you had no clue what was going on with the other person and they were withholding all kinds of feelings? This scenario happens all too often and it's another huge cause of relationship problems. One person is hoping the other gets what's not okay, but doesn't actually communicate it. Relying on psychic ability is far from an effective strategy to create and sustain great relationships! Another key source of relationship problems is assuming something about another. It's an interesting experience when another assumes something about you. Nine times out of ten they are completely off-base, right? This works in reverse too! When you assume stuff about another, nine times out of ten it's not going to be accurate either. For example, when we women assume that our significant other knows what we want or expect and they don't, it can become a HUGE issue. In fact, this is one of the biggest sources of relationship problems on the entire planet! Assuming is a way of not seeing your partner for who they really are. Needless to say, this is a recipe for disaster. Undefined and unrealistic expectations are usually irritating things that you want to change in the other person. And since these unrealistic expectations are usually the best kept secrets, there's absolutely no way that they can ever be met, short of the other person picking up on what they are and knowing exactly how you want them different. How do unrealistic expectations cause relationship problems? Unrealistic expectations can come from a variety of sources. The two most common ones are family background and values. Very often unrealistic expectations come from having grown up in completely different environments and from having totally different family values. This all now shows up as core differences. Instead of talking things out and building consensus between the two of you, what typically happens is these differences become a source of unmet expectations and frustration. Another typical source of unrealistic expectations comes from past relationships. This happens when you haul the past into the present and play the comparing game. Needless to say, this usually doesn't work and is really quite unfair. In essence, you're not actually seeing the person in front of you for who they are. What you're seeing is a construct in your head of who they 'should' be based on a past picture and experience - a reality that no longer exists. This is a no-win situation for the real person in the present. Have you ever been compared to a person from your significant other's past? How did that go? You probably didn't take it as a compliment, right? Another classic source of unrealistic expectations comes from making the other person in your relationship responsible for your happiness and fulfillment. So many are searching for that magical partner who will 'complete' you. This is an interesting quest because the package called 'you' is already whole and complete just the way you are and just the way you aren't. When you look outside yourself for your partner to make you happy and fulfill you, your expectations are destined to fall flat. Now, if you were to reel this back in and look for someone who, together with you, aims to create happiness in your relationship, you'll find this is much more achievable and fulfilling. So take a good look at your expectations. Take a look in your life and see if there are any unrealistic expectations lurking there. Uncover them and then shift them into co-creations of happiness so they evaporate and no longer influence your relationship in the present. To your magnificence! Andrea Woolf The Queen of Having It All Andrea Woolf is a seasoned success coach, author and speaker who inspires people to 'have it all'. "It's absolutely possible to have it all," she says. "You just need to understand where you're stuck and how you got yourself there." There are myriad ways to get yourself stuck in life. The first step to getting un-stuck is to clarify what thinking, limiting beliefs, and fears got you to where you are now. Download Andrea's "Ways You Get Yourself Stuck Worksheet" and get started here: http://igniteyourlifebook.com/free-resources/. View Article Source