What's a man to do if he still loves his ex and he wants to get her back for good? Many relationships end and only then does one partner realize how much they love the other. If you're in this position and you're still wishing for a future with your ex girlfriend, there are things you can do to win back her love.
First and foremost before you do anything else you have to apologize to your ex girlfriend. If you did anything that played a part in the break up, now is the time to own up to it. No crying, pleading or begging for forgiveness allowed. That's over the top. Instead you need to calmly call her up and say you are sorry. Don't go into long explanations of why you did what you did. Just offer her a sincere apology. This will go a long way towards mending the fence and eventually getting her back in your life.
Think back to when you are your girlfriend first got together. There were qualities about you that she loved and she probably raved about them at the time. Those are the things you need to focus on now so you can get her back for good. Many men, after a break up, lose sight of the fact that their ex once fell deeply in love with them. If she did it once, she can do it again. Work hard at becoming an even better version of the man she fell in love with. She'll definitely be impressed, it will remind her of better times and it will reignite her interest in you.
Source: young-pickup-artist.blogspot.com
thewellversed.com
by Massimo Pigliucci
I have now been following, largely from a distance, what I've come to think of as the misogyny wars inside the atheist-skeptic movement (which has just recently made national news!). I've stayed away from the fray because I have had little to add to it, and because it is a treacherous territory where one is almost guaranteed of turning friends into enemies just by chiming in. Still, during my recent vacation in France and Italy (countries that have a lot to teach both about misogyny and women's liberation) I had some thoughts that may be worth sharing - at my own peril, naturally.
The first thing I need to say is that yes, as far as I can tell, the atheist-skeptic (hence forth A-S) movement does have a problem with women. Obviously, not every A-S does, and likely not even the majority (hard data do not exist, as far as I know). But reading the comments of some major figures (which shall go conveniently unmentioned), the commentaries on those comments by the average Joe-the-Atheist (mostly males), and from personal experience at countless "CON(s)" (can we please have a moratorium on using that darn abbreviation?) and meetups, it's clear to me that there is a problem.
Now, one could reasonably argue (and indeed, people have argued) that the A-S community is simply a microcosm of society at large, and since the latter still shows obvious signs of misogyny, then we shouldn't be surprised that so does the A-S movement (if you don't think that society still has a problem with women you have simply not been paying attention, and you need to go back to Feminism 101, which I am not about to provide).
Well, yes, but this observation still doesn't quite make things right for two reasons. First, just because someone else is misogynist it doesn't provide an excuse for you to be one too, obviously. Second, and more pertinent to our discussion, A-S pride themselves in being open minded and rational (if not downright politically progressive - pace our small but vocal cadre of libertarian friends), and there is no rational defense of misogyny (if you disagree, may I again recommend Feminism 101?).
So, if women in the movement complain that A-S organization X or Y does not have a sufficiently well developed sexual harassment policy, or it does not enforce such policy swiftly and effectively enough, the people in charge of said organizations ought (moral) to listen carefully and act accordingly.
However (you knew this was coming, yes?), it doesn't follow, as it has been claimed in the heat of the misogyny wars, that "anything" a woman says in this department goes and ought (again, moral) not to be questioned. For several reasons.
First off, and this should be obvious, "women" are not a monolithic category who see everything the same way. What may constitute borderline sexual harassment for one woman may be interpreted as innocuous or even welcome flirting by another. (I hope it's clear that I'm talking about actual borderline cases, not instances of men brazenly groping women in public, or making threats of rape via Twitter.)
Second, and related to the first point, we do not want to create a social environment where people are constantly afraid of stepping across invisible, vague and always shifting boundaries. That would take the fun out of going to the bar after the conference with friends and, frankly, out of flirting with members of the opposite sex (or of the same sex, if you are so inclined). In other words, as we have seen in the workplace and even in schools, there is a danger of overdoing it in the area of political correctness, something that makes for the kind of overcautious and over-regulated society most of us really don't want - especially the libertarians! (Remember the case a few years ago of a kindergarten child being expelled because he kissed a girl in his class?)
Third, and lastly, there is a danger in automatically assuming that group X (in this case women, but it could be an ethnic minority, or a religious one - including atheists themselves) is automatically right in every dispute regarding treatment of said group. It is well known, for instance, that racism is not confined to white people, and that pretty much any group is capable of xenophobia. An accusation of sexual harassment can not only get someone thrown out of a meeting or a bar, but can perhaps permanently tarnish his reputation in the relevant community, and ought (yup, moral!) to be treated accordingly. While it may make sense to default to the possibility that the charge is justified, any particular case deserves further investigation by the people in charge. Yes, this will complicate the job of conference organizers, so what? Nobody is obliged to organize a conference, but once you do you are expected to provide a certain number of services, a fair treatment of your guests being one.
So, where do we go from here? Here are three conceptually simple, yet I'm sure extremely difficult in practice, action items. First, let's tone down the self-righteousness, on both sides. It just doesn't help. Second, organizers of all future CON(s), you need to take the issue seriously, develop and clearly enunciate your policies, and be ready to deal with the consequences in a firm, if courteous and hopefully constructive, manner. Lastly, the A-S community needs to take the first step toward solving any problem: admit that there is one. Pretty straightforward, no?
P.S.: In what is perhaps a preview of what is about to come, something strange (or perhaps entirely predictable, depending on your point of view) happened this past weekend when I posted a link to thoughtful essay by Russell Blackford about the new American Atheists "don't hug unless you ask" policy over at my Google+ stream. I have been warned that I will likely be banned from (ironically) "freethought" discussion groups, and that my views will be seen as misogynistic and those of "a rape apologist, potential rapist." This is just really, really sad.
P.P.S.: Since it's clear from early comments that the point of my P.S. wasn't clear, I am clarifying it now. I meant the above as an example of the sort of trolling that goes on in these instances and is entirely unhelpful to a reasonable debate. I did NOT believe that I was going to be branded a rape apologist and be banned from discussion groups.
Do you ever hear statements like this from your spouse on Monday morning?
"Oh Lord help me, it can't be Monday again, already?"
"Someday I'll get some rest, I hope."
"Just 22 years, 4 months and 3 days till retirement. Will I ever make it?"
The first Monday in September is observed as Labor Day. This is the last long weekend of summer and the signal of school beginning for many across our country. This holiday commemorated to remember the accomplishments of working people in the USA poses an opportunity for husbands and wives everywhere. It is an opportunity to say, "Thanks." Thanks to our spouses for the dutiful and faithful commitment they display day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year, to jobs providing an income for the marriage and family. A spouse may be in the best position to know what it costs their husband or wife physically, mentally, and emotionally to be productive out in the world so there is a home, food on the table, and cars to drive. The benefits of simple hard work are too easily dismissed, and in a marriage the benefits provided by each spouse's work can easily be taken for granted.
Many married people, men and women, consider their work and the income it provides for their spouse and family as an expression of their love and commitment. How sad for this to go unnoticed. When was the last time you told your spouse how much you appreciated the responsibility and commitment they display through providing for you and the family. For some this may be a very sore spot in the relationship. Men and women have expectations of themselves and one another regarding how significant a contribution each should make to a household income. Add to these expectations are the seemingly never ending conflicts about how the income generated by each spouse should be spent.
Is it possible in all our wrestling with each other about money and how it is used we fail to appreciate the sacrifice and diligence expressed by our spouse in their being faithful to their job? What about those individuals who are faithful to a job that is not particularly fulfilling personally but they remain committed because the income provides well for a marriage and family. In all our promotion and celebration of finding purposeful and personally fulfilling employment do we fail to appreciate those who work simply to provide for their families first, putting their own personal fulfillment secondary to providing a home and lifestyle for spouse and children. Shouldn't it count that a mother or father works dutifully day after day, sometimes working overtime so that the family can enjoy a comfortable lifestyle? Somehow these sacrifices go unnoticed and unappreciated.
To be sure working to provide for an ever increasing consumerist lifestyle at some point sacrifices the integrity of family relationships. The possession of things and status can wind up replacing relationship values. But, there is a point where every husband and wife must establish, "This is what we must do to achieve and maintain the lifestyle we have set for ourselves." To complicate matters the lifestyle goals we set for ourselves seem to always be growing in expense. Inflation, market fluctuations for goods and services, trends in values of property and other investments, all seem to make, "what it takes to make it" always changing. For many, never mind improving lifestyle, just maintaining lifestyle seems a constant battle.
These challenges are met every day by husbands and wives who love each other and their children. Labor Day can be an occasion to turn to ones mate and somehow say, "Thanks." Comments like, "I know you had to give up some fun stuff these last few months so we could catch up on some bills. I want you to know I really appreciate it." Or, "You work so hard between your job, the stuff around the house and what I and the kids ask for. I know we wouldn't have what we have if you didn't hang in there every day with your job."
So, how about it? If you're reading this and an idea drops in your head to tell your spouse how much you appreciate their "Labor" this Labor Day. Go ahead, tell them. You might just create a moment that makes it all worth while.
The post Labor Day Thoughts appeared first on.
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Perhaps you are more confident inside your APPROACH TO FASHION now that you have done this article. It could appear to be a bit overpowering once you have a modern society placing frequent tendencies. It's just like the game named feline and mouse. Keep in mind what you have read in this article whilst you explore your preference in fashion.
I recently read a blog about comparing ourselves to our friends or society in general and how if affects friendships. I was compelled to think it through and apply the premise to my own life. Do I unconsciously push away relationships because I am too inwardly focused?
On the surface, women are the worst offenders, comparing their physical appearance to their friends, celebrities and that other girl who runs by their house each morning (dang, she has a nice body). However, men are just as guilty of competing with their friends and peers for a better car, a better house, a better job, or (gulp) a better-looking girl.
Everyone does it. It is human nature. But is this automatic response responsible for the sacrifice of meaningful relationships?
Consider this: What if you simply live within your means, accept who you are mentally and physically and everything that you have and simply be. Be yourself and allow your friends to be themselves. Work together instead of against each other. Find something you are both passionate about and enjoy it together instead of throwing it in each other's faces.
Do not overspend your means to keep up appearances. Your true friends like you for you, not for what you have. If they do like you for what you have, it may be time to interview new friends. Concentrate on being together, experiencing together and making memories.
What you have versus what they have doesn't matter, unless you make it matter. Friendships are born out of common goals, likes and desires. Women focus so intensely on their outward appearance in comparisons to another woman that they overlook a kindred soul. Where has comparing your body, clothes or accessories to those around you ever taken you? On a one-way trip to uhappyville, that is where.
If you do have the urge to "better yourself," whether it be through your job, your body or just your attitude, make sure your motivation is healthy and comes from within.
Most importantly, don't sacrifice the important relationships in your life for a sense of betterment that will leave you alone and empty.
Have a relationship question? Email sacpress@live.com.
What is Self-esteem
Written by Christine Webber, psychotherapist
Some people think that self-esteem means confidence - and confidence comes into it - but it's rather more than that. There are any number of apparently confident people who can do marvellous things but who have poor self-esteem. Many people in the public eye fall into this category. Actors, comedians and singers in particular can glow with assurance on stage, yet off-stage feel desperately insecure.
Think of the late Princess of Wales or Marilyn Monroe and you'll see that public adulation is no guarantee of self-belief. The word 'esteem' comes from a Latin word that means 'to estimate'. Self-esteem is how you estimate yourself.
To do that, you need to "ASK YOURSELF CERTAIN QUESTIONS".
o Do I like myself?
o Do I think I'm a good human being?
o Am I someone deserving of love?
o Do I deserve happiness?
o Do I feel deep down that I'm an okay person?
People with low self-esteem find it hard to answer yes to these questions. Perhaps you are one of them. If so, what can you do?
HOW CAN YOU IMPROVE YOUR SELF-ESTEEM?
You can begin by accepting that you are certainly not alone. Masses of people have this problem.
Secondly, take on board the fact you are a wonderful, special person - and there is no one quite like you.
Not only are your fingerprints and DNA different from everyone else's (unless you have an identical twin), but your mind and how it thinks and operates is totally your own.
This means that out of six billion people in the world, you are a one-off. So if nature has bothered to make you unique, don't you feel you should accept that you're important, and that you have as much right as anyone else to be on this planet?
You have other rights, too. One of them is the right to make mistakes. Don't forget that 'to err is human' and most of us learn through getting things wrong before we get them right.
Furthermore, we have the right to respect ourselves - and to be respected. Finally, and perhaps most important of all, we have the right to say yes or no for ourselves.
PUT BEHAVIOUR IN PERSPECTIVE
It's not healthy to condemn ourselves because of one aspect of our behaviour.
Sometimes we feel we are 'no good' because we have failed an exam or lost a job, or we have been unkind or because we are having an affair.
All of us have many aspects to our personalities, and our current behaviour is just one of those aspects.
Try not to believe that the whole of you is hopeless, unkind or a failure, when really it is just one part of your behaviour that may - or may not - be these things.
HALT DESTRUCTIVE THOUGHTS
Many people with poor self-esteem think they're not very important and their views carry no weight. Is this you?
If so, try to stop these destructive thoughts because if you go around believing them, you'll encourage other people to believe them too.
Instead, start thinking of yourself as someone who has rights, opinions and ideas that are just as valid as anyone else's. This will help you to improve your self-esteem.
TECHNIQUES TO IMPROVE SELF-ESTEEM
"10-MINUTE TECHNIQUE "
People with poor self-esteem often fail to give themselves enough time and space. So find 10 minutes every day to be alone, and to just sit and do nothing.
Some people find it helpful to close their eyes and imagine a country scene or the sight and sound of waves gently lapping against the shore.
During this 10 minutes, allow yourself to feel peaceful and happy. Enjoy this time. It is yours - and yours alone.
"ACCENTUATE THE POSITIVE"
Often we make ourselves unhappy because we go over and over mistakes we have made. But we can improve our self-esteem if we re-think the things we believe we have done wrong or badly.
For example, one of my clients has to give presentations at work. He used to mentally beat himself up after every one and stew over tiny errors.
Now he writes an account of each presentation shortly after he's given it. He writes about all the things that went well.
He doesn't need to write about the bad things - they will stick in his memory and he will try hard not to repeat them - but he will forget the good things unless he writes them down.
So when you have a bad day, or something goes wrong in your relationship or at work, write an account of what went right with that episode, not what went wrong.
The results will surprise you - and improve how you see yourself.
LIST 50 THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF
If you're seriously lacking in self-esteem this could take weeks, but persevere.
o You can write down your characteristics.
o You can include things about your looks.
o You can even write about the things you do. For example, you may buy a copy of The Big Issue on a day when you're short of money, or you may help an elderly woman in the supermarket when you're rushing to get your own shopping done.
When you have reached your 50 good things, keep the list somewhere you can see it all the time.
Next comes the harder part. Try to record one more new thing you like about yourself every day for the rest of your life.
The post What is self-esteem appeared first on Tic-Tok.
Origin: womanizer-psychology.blogspot.com
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Excellent - I hope more people begin to realize the importance and value of nature as a medicine for the mind and soul - maybe then we may care more about what we do to the environment. When it's all about us, people are more likely to care (sadly, but it's true).
From ScienceLine.
CAN A STROLL IN THE PARK REPLACE THE PSYCHIATRIST'S COUCH?
A New Generation Of Psychologists And Therapists Focus On The Relationship Between Nature And Mental Health
[Image: bobopuffs, Flickr.com.]
By Ferris Jabr Posted August 12, 2010
Standing alone atop a modest mountain in rural Maine, Eric Adams looked out into the darkness all around him. Between the silhouettes of boulders and trees, slivers of yellow light wandered and winked - the eyes of wild animals. Fears began to crowd his mind, but he did not push them away. This was part of his therapy.
To help confront a marriage in crisis, Adams (a pseudonym) sought counseling. But the 34-year-old lawyer from Syracuse, New York, didn't opt for the psychiatrist's couch. Instead, he chose the mountain. Adams turned to an emerging practice called ecotherapy, which applies the principles of ecopsychology - the study of how the natural world influences mental health.
"I don't have an office - all my meetings are outside regardless of the weather," said Dennis Grannis-Phoenix, an ecotherapist in Bangor, Maine who began counseling Adams in 2004. Hiking, camping, kayaking - each therapeutic session centered on an outdoor activity. Grannis-Phoenix asked Adams to climb the mountain alone as an exercise in learning to face his fears and anxieties. Instead of rationalizing his fears, Grannis-Phoenix wanted Adams to embrace them - something both therapist and patient feel is easier to learn in nature than in an office.
"Nature forces you to confront your immediate circumstances," said Adams. "Ecotherapy speaks to you not just through your analytical and verbal capabilities - your body interacts with nature." In a way, Adams said, interacting with nature is a kind of therapy for both body and mind.
He isn't alone in thinking so. In the early 1990s, when historian Theodore Roszak criticized mainstream psychology for failing to consider the relationship between mental health and natural environments, a movement called ecopsychology emerged to address exactly that. Loyal to Roszack at first, the movement developed ideas that budded in the 1960s and framed itself as a critique of Western psychology's focus on the experiment - but things are beginning to change. Some researchers are mounting a new campaign to bring the scientific method to ecopsychology and its applied practice, ecotherapy. These researchers have already founded the field's first peer-reviewed journal, "Ecopsychology", and they are about to publish a book outlining their mission. The book, published by MIT Press, advocates serious study of how green spaces color psychological well-being.
"We are hoping to revitalize the field of ecopsychology," said Jolina Ruckert, a PhD candidate in developmental psychology at the University of Washington and one of the authors of the forthcoming book. "We want to bring in the more rigorous approach of the modern social sciences."
SCIENCE AND SKEPTICISM
In the past few years, some ecopsychologists have made significant strides in adding scientific rigor to their field. What their research suggests so far is that even subtle interactions with nature provide a range of cognitive benefits, including elevated mood, enhanced memory, and decreased stress. Staring out a window at pretty scenery can significantly lower one's heart rate, for example, and some studies even indicate that hospital windows with views of nature can facilitate healing. What's more, nature provides measurably greater benefits than both manmade environments and simulations of nature. Research demonstrates that walking through the city can tax our attention, whereas a park restores our concentration and can even improve our performance on tests of memory.
These findings come from controlled studies that follow the tenets of mainstream psychology. Despite the new enthusiasm for serious empirical work, many researchers in mainstream psychology remain cautious about drawing any conclusions that ecopsychological studies cannot properly support. "My impression as an outsider is that ecopsychology is a promising but preliminary field," said Scott O. Lilienfeld, a psychologist at Emory University. "I wouldn't say it's conclusive, but there are certainly many suggestions that nature may be helpful for short-term mental health. There's no question it can have positive effects on mood. I think claims that nature may be helpful are reasonable, but claims that our technological society or distance from nature are massively detrimental to mental health go beyond the current data."
The fact is that empirical work is a new trend in ecopsychology, which began as a field that wasn't interested in the experiment so much as the experience - an individual's personal experience with a natural environment.
"In the beginning, we didn't need to measure anything," said Lisa Lynch, an ecopsychology pioneer who now coordinates a masters program in the field at Antioch University in Seattle, Washington. The University of Wisconsin, Oberlin College, and Lewis she choreographed a ceremonial dance; she told her stories. But there were no controlled experiments - just experiences and anecdotes.
"My experiences are not empirical science, but for me they are extremely valid," Lynch said. A new generation of ecopsychologists disagrees. Experience, they argue, is not enough.
"Ecopsychology just didn't have the rigor needed to really understand the relationship between the natural world and mental health," said the University of Washington's Ruckert. She belongs to a new generation of ecopsychologists who are trying to establish that rigor by growing a body of empirical work.
PARKS AND RELAXATION
According to Thomas Doherty, a clinical psychologist in Portland, Oregon and the editor of "Ecopsychology", research by these second generation ecopsychologists evidences the measurable benefits of nature for both body and mind. In green spaces, for example, people's heart rates decrease, their muscles relax, and they become calmer. It's the difference you feel when you leave behind a busy city street for a peaceful park.
A recent study by Ruckert's advisor Peter Kahn confirmed these findings. First, Kahn stressed out his participants by giving them a series of math tests. Then he placed some people in front of a window overlooking a grassy lawn with trees, others in front of a large plasma television screen displaying the lawn in real time, and still others in front of a blank wall. As expected, those in front of the window experienced the quickest drop in stress levels, as measured by their decreasing heart rate. Participants also spent far more time looking out the window and at the plasma screen than at the blank wall. But the researchers found an unexpected result.
"Surprisingly, the blank wall and the plasma screen were no different in terms of stress reduction," said Ruckert. Their study indicates that gazing at an authentic natural space reduces stress, whereas a digital replica of nature soothes only as well as a boring blank wall.
Kahn, whose study appeared in the May 2008 issue of the "Journal of Environmental Psychology", isn't sure why the plasma screen failed to relieve stress any better than a blank wall - but he suspects it's because people recognize even a realistic display of nature as a substitute for the real thing.
Emory's Lilienfeld thinks Kahn's study is a good example of how to design empirical ecopsychological studies, but says he won't be convinced until future studies confirm the findings. "There's a lot of interesting and provocative work, but studies need to have proper controls and some of them are starting to, I think," Lilienfeld said. "The plasma screen study is a good example, but it's still only one study. I think it's a good design, but I want to see the results replicated. I want to see there is that isn't just a general effect of relaxation, but really is specific to nature."
FOCUS AMONG THE FLOWERS
In addition to helping us relax, authentic interactions with nature help maintain concentration, according to attention restoration theory. "Our energy to focus gets fatigued," Doherty explained. "Natural spaces restore our ability to pay attention."
In a 2008 study at the University of Michigan, Marc Berman asked some participants to memorize digits and recite them in reverse order. Then he had one group of participants walk through an arboretum, while others traveled crowded city streets. Afterwards, the subjects completed the digit task again. Those who'd strolled through the arboretum performed with higher attention and memory than those who had walked in the city. The arboretum-walkers recited an average of 1.5 digits more on their second test than on their first, compared with an average of 0.5 digits improvement for participants who had been exposed to the urban environment.
"Our study was one of the first to make it into a mainstream psychology journal," said Berman, whose study was published in "Psychological Science". "We had a lot of experimental control." For example, Berman made sure his participants followed consistent paths through the arboretum and streets by monitoring their progress with GPS-enabled wristwatches. And he used standardized surveys to assess people's mood before and after their walks.
"It was one of the first times that we grounded the human relationship with nature in empirical research," said Ruckert of Berman's study. "As ecopsychology increasingly incorporates a more systematic approach, I see it emerging more in the dialogue of mainstream psychology."
Even Lisa Lynch - the ecopsychology pioneer who believes in the experience over the experiment - is excited by her field's new empirical directions. "Sometimes it was a little like Peter Kahn and I were fighting with light sabers," Lynch said. "But I think Kahn and his students are doing some excellent work looking at how can we validate these experiences through science. I think that's an important move for the field.
Ecopsychology had no peer-reviewed journal of its own until April 2009, when Mary Anne Liebert, Inc. published the first issue of "Ecopsychology". Additionally, Ruckert, Peter Kahn and Patricia Habash are the co-editors of an upcoming book with MIT Press entitled" Ecopsychology: Science, Totems and the Technological Species", in which around a dozen psychologists, anthropologists and biologists discuss their work and the importance of applying rigorous scientific methods to ecopsychology.
But some ecopsychologists and ecotherapists aren't so enthusiastic about the new empirical work. "For me the science is not a critical piece," said Dennis Grannis-Phoenix, the Maine ecotherapist who asked Eric Adams to hike a mountain alone at night. "I've seen the changes Eric and my patients go through and they are real."
Adams, on the other hand - who is now divorced, but lives in Bolivia to be near his children - welcomes science. "People who gravitate towards ecopsychology don't tend to have that kind of a background," Adams said. "But it's not like the scientific perspective and the ecotherapeutic perspective are at odds with each other."
For Adams, divorce was the right decision - one he reached through ecotherapy. "Rather than conform to my environment, I learned to change my conditions," Adams said. "Because nature is so much a part of who I am, something about interacting with it helps me to make these big life choices."
Tags: Psychology, therapy, mental health, Nature, Environment, Can a Stroll in the Park Replace the Psychiatrist's Couch?, ScienceLine, Ferris Jabr, ecology of mind, wilderness, sanity, depression, Ecotherapy, Theodore Roszak, Jolina Ruckert
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There are a lot of other success factors as well. There are techniques on how to speak with the right tonality... how to touch her that allows her to feel comfortable and doesnt turn off any of her weird alert switches... specific NLP triggers that you can use to connect and make sure shes totally in your zone....
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After I did a short presentation to my business networking group, someone from the group asked me if there was a "failure rate" for hypnosis. The answer is, "Of course! There is no perfect technique when working with human minds". Using hypnosis for stopping smoking has a 90.6% success rate according to research done by the University of Washington School of Medicine in 2001. The success rate of NLP plus hypnosis is 95% according to Smoke Free International. The "failure rate" can easily be determined from those numbers, of course.
The individual success rate for hypnosis varies with the issue being treated, the skill and training of the hypnotherapist, and the motivation of the client. A common obstacle to success of smokers, for example, is that the smoker is attempting to stop to please someone else. Hypnosis will only work if the client is motivated to be successful for her or himself.
Someone with a habit of disagreeing, and we have all met at least one of them, can present a challenge for the less experienced hypnotherapist. However, there are some simple things that can be done to neutralize the habitual disagreement pattern. One way is to use tag questions like "isn't it?", "doesn't it?" of "haven't you?" The "not" in tag questions allows the person to focus their reflexive disagreement on the negation in the question rather than the statement that proceeds it, doesn't it?
You could, just for fun, sprinkle in a few tag questions in a conversation with someone who seems to be disagreeing with you as a pattern. That is a way just to find out for yourself how well tag questions work, isn't it? No hypnosis is necessary for the experiment.
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A description of how the free dating sites operate will help you to make a decision about using them. It's not hard to find the information you need to make a good decision.
Free dating sites are quite simply--free. That is, they are free to the end user. The expectation is that in gratitude for using the dating site at no cost to himself or herself, the single person will purchase goods and services from the commercial advertisers that pay for the placement of promotional material on the web site. In practice, this is probably true, since seeing name or a logo several times will make it more readily called into memory when needed for purchasing decisions. In turn, the more people who visit the free site and click on the message from the advertiser, the more likely the advertiser is to renew or increase the advertising message, simply because it's obviously working.
Commercial advertisers
Advertisers like to place their information and products on sites such as free dating sites. These are sites that are visited by many individuals who have an interest in new products and services, and who often have significant disposable income. When singles visit the site and enjoy their experience there, they tend to be more favorably disposed toward the advertisers that present their goods on the web site. As the advertisers see more visitors and more hits on the product, they are willing to increase their advertising budget significantly, which in turn will bring in more visitors to the site.
Profile publicity
There are some people who place their pictures on the free dating sites as a publicity gimmick. They may be hoping for work in the movies, advertising or in modeling and find that the exposure gained on such a site is very valuable in furthering their careers. Because there are safeguards built into the sites so that you only release the personal information that you deem appropriate, using the site to improve your visibility can be a profitable idea.
Informational articles
Free dating sites attract people because of the profiles they find and because of the informational materials that are available on the web site. The articles are sometimes purchased from brokers and sometimes submitted by visitors to the site to attract visitors to other web sites. The free sites are benefited by such articles since they attract more visitors who are in search of information on the various subjects covered in the articles. The subjects can be about dating or about relationships. They can be serious self-help articles or can be humorous comments on the dating scene in general.
Links
The links that can be found on the free dating sites are very helpful both to the free site and to the other web pages that use links in order to bring visitors in from a popular free site. The search engines include popularity of good incoming links as a measurement in page ranking for the web sites containing the links. A higher page rank with the search engines equates to more search engine results hits and higher revenues from the page. Those who make a business of search engine optimization take such positive link results into account when designing new web pages.
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One of the first things that stands out to me as I watch Richard Bandler training in Neuro Hypnotic Repatterning is just how similar it is to New Code NLP.
Richard and John worked together for about seven years at the start of Neuro-Linguistic Programming before moving in their individual directions. Richard went onto brand his work as Design Human EngineeringTM and Neuro Hypnotic RepatterningTM (and at one point launching litigation in a failed attempt to register a Trademark for NLP as a whole). John has been very active in continuing to develop NLP, the product of which can be labelled as New Code NLP, working with Judith DeLozier initially and more recently Carmen Bostic St Clair. While New Code NLP and "Richard Bandler NLP" are very different on many levels - and each is in the pursuit of modeling excellence - there can be some striking similarities. For example:
NEURO HYPNOTIC REPATTERNING: In one exercise, you take a situation that isn't working for you. A "problem state" if you will. Then you identify the feeling, noticing how the feelings move and change. After a short break, you then create a more resourceful state - a state of mind that feels better and that you believe helps you perform better. A "resource state". Finally, you take the resourceful state with you while remembering the problem state.
NEW CODE NLP: Take a context that you would like to work on. This context may be problematic or generative - ideally, "have the unconscious mind select this context". Associate and connect with that state, taking an inventory of your sensory experience in that context (eg "What can you see, hear and feel?"). Break your state then create a "content free high performance state" - this is a specific class of states, indicated by resourceful physiology, lack of internal dialog, activation across the brain and body. There are several straightforward methods presented in the New Code to access this state. Finally, you take the "high performance state" into the context, which means that the "unconscious mind selects appropriate resource(s) to bring into that context".
The similarity of these two processes is apparent. However there are some significant differences:
* New Code NLP focuses upon how individuals can expand their choices. Other forms of NLP can tend to focus on how a 'technique' can help 'fix' a client's problem.
* New Code NLP strives for elegance. Rather than having to learn dozens or hundreds of "techniques", New Code NLP focuses upon the most simple format with the absolute minimum number of steps.
* New Code NLP actively engages the unconscious mind. While students of Richard Bandler might have developed finger signals that can be accessed under hypnosis for the use of the practitioner, New Code NLP Practitioners will have a range of ways to access unconscious signals (such as "yes", "no" and "more information") so facilitate clear communication. Engaging the unconscious mind is key to helping people get outcomes that are wise, sustainable and takes into account the consequences.
* New Code NLP emphasizes rigorous thinking, precision, and addressing a situation at the appropriate logical level. Other forms of NLP can fix a 'problem' but then have to fix another 'problem' and another because that 'problem' was actually at a different level.
* New Code NLP emphasizes the importance of NLP Practitioners to continue to engage in modeling. NLP was developed by modeling great performers, and much of NLP today is focused on the resultant techniques.
There are a range of other differences that are readily apparent to me. However, let me encourage you to discover this for yourself.
"(Written 2009, updated 2011.)"
