Can Men Forgive Cheating

" STEVE NAKAMOTO SERVED OVER 5 YEARS AS IVILLAGE.COM'S MR. ANSWER MAN RELATIONSHIP EXPERT WHERE HE HELPED WOMEN FROM AROUND THE WORLD FIGURE OUT THE MEN IN THEIR LOVE LIVES FROM AN HONEST, MALE PERSPECTIVE. HE IS THE WRITER'S DIGEST AWARD-WINNING AUTHOR OF" ARE LIKE FISH: WHAT EVERY WOMAN NEEDS TO KNOW ABOUT CATCHING A MAN, DATING ROCKS! THE 21 SMARTEST MOVES WOMEN MAKE FOR "AND" LIKE A WINNER! 21 SIMPLE RULES FOR ACHIEVING EVERYDAY COMMUNICATION "VISIT HIS WEBSITE AT STEVENAKAMOTO.COM.

READER QUESTION: CAN MEN FORGIVE CHEATING?

My girlfriend of 4 years revealed that she cheated on me with a guy she works with but begged me to forgive her. She even changed jobs to assure me that it would never happen again and that she would do anything for me not to leave her. I told her I would try and stayed.

The thing is, every little thing she does now gets on my nerves and it's becoming clear that I'm starting to build resentment towards her. Is there any way to forgive her and move on from this without therapy?

"STEVE NAKAMOTO'S ANSWER:

You can choose to see this as a test of strength in your relationship. Is your love for each other greater than the negativity cause by an act of infidelity?

If you both will move forward and put all of your energy on your love for each other, then your relationship can grow in a healthy manner.

If either of you chooses to remain in the past by holding resentment on your part or by lapsing into guilt on her part, then the negativity will continue to resurface and prevent your love from succeeding.

On her part, she has asked for forgiveness, changed jobs, and has shown remorse. If she can move forward, put her mistake behind her, and resist negativity in all of its forms (SADNESS, GUILT, FEAR OF LOSS, HURT), then she will have done all that she could possibly do. And if her intention is motivated by love and not just security, then she will be doing so for all the right reasons.

On your part, you've got to figure out why "EVERY LITTLE THING GETS ON YOUR NERVES." Are you focusing on the negative and are you not counting your blessings?" Remember, that resentment is more your problem than hers. It's a form of negativity that is eating away at you and something that you've got to move past.

As far as therapy goes, there are many techniques to change emotional patterns such as scrambling images or collapsing negative anchors to name a few. But the healthiest and most enlightened way to overcome this obstacle is to rise to the challenge and consistently focus your energy on love, forgiveness, honesty, and gratitude.

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